AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

Yes I think he should divide the mums half three ways. The only reason I’d think different is if the majority of the money was his dads and his mum brought nothing to the mariage.

Being adopted is neither here nor there and it’s inappropriate to bring it up.

What IS relevant is that his mother’s first two children are just as much her kids as her third is.

Of course you are right.

DH gets all of the dad's half. The other half is split 3 ways - exactly as it was originally intended.

i think op meant by not a large sum is the cash amount rather than the flat

Was the flat brought into the marriage by the dad?

It’s a blended family thing isn’t it, its up to him really he’d have to sell the flat to pay out to the siblings, don’t think I’d do it myself if I’d planned to keep the property.

I wouldn’t be happy if I were the siblings though, knowing he was going against their mothers wishes

I’d love to know why his mother didn’t give some of her estate to her first 2 sons when she died. How do they know she wanted them to have some of it? Also, what about their father - is he still around? How did she acquire her money?

Legally it is his money assuming there was a Will. If there was not one the estate should have been split as per intestacy rules.
If there was a Will there would have been an executor. And hopefully for an estate of that size and with some complexity a Solicitor.

That was the point I was making. Maybe inelegantly.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

so why didn’t she make a will to that effect then?

Legally he is fine.

Why didn’t mum have her will split between her three children with her husband have a life time right to live in the property?

Also if he did split it, sure it should be the value back then not the current assumably higher value as they have no even moral right to the father’s increase in it.

If he didn’t grow up with a sibling bond, as well as the bomb of suddenly finding his adopted his mind is likely all over the place anyway. People coming in the beg when someone’s lost their father and found out something like that seems rather cruel in itself.

Morally well that’s between him and his god.

Quite

Yabu to “tell him” to do anything.
Yanbu in suggesting he should do as you’ve said.

I think he isn’t counting the property. Just the physical money. He probably doesn’t see himself selling the house.

Tbh I do agree with you - if that was your mums wish then it’s only right it’s fulfilled. But I’d also like to know why she didn’t make that official. And how do they know that was the wish? Did she somehow communicate that to all of them?

But you said he lost his parents in his 20s . So how many years ago was this . And now the siblings come looking for money ? The mothers money years ago might be nowhere near the sum he got . And who owned the flat ? I am afraid I wouldn't feel obliged to give anything to siblings that I have almost no contact with . And why has this come about only now . Did they always know he was adopted ? Is that the problem? Any way it's his inheritance not yours OP . All those saying that he should , etc I wonder how they'd feel if her DH tried to tell her what to do with her family's money .

If he does decide to give his half siblings something, it should reflect what they would have received had his mum’s estate been split 3 ways between them and not gone to his dad, otherwise his half siblings will benefit from his dad’s estate which would never have been shared with them (as he is not their dad). So we aren’t talking splitting a £1m estate three ways but presumably a smaller sum (half of it?)

edited to correct typo

So if he gives them their share he’d still have over £700k

He sounds quite greedy, but the mum was stupid not to sort it properly.

@hesbelleth

What was written into his Mum's will? What was written in his Dad's will?

It sounds to me like his mum wanted her half to be split three ways, but as her DH was still alive, it wouldn't be sensible for her half to be divided three ways at the time as he still needed the house etc... so it was no doubt agreed that his will would need to reflect this upon his death.

So although legally your DH has inherited everything, his mum clearly wanted her share to be split three ways, so whatever was deemed to be his mum's share of the estate when she died, he should give 1/3 of this to each of his half siblings.

Morally, if he goes against his mum's wishes then that speaks volumes about what sort of person he is. It would be disrespectful to his dead mother. I wouldn't want to be with the sort of person who felt his own entitlement was worth more than his mother's wishes.

Oh wait did the inheritance happen ages ago and now the siblings suddenly want some pie?

Seems sus to wait so long as well if so.

He decision speaks to his character.

Of course he shouldn’t if it was left to him. It is entirely up to him.

How would you feel if you inherited and he was telling you what to do with it? Kindly, it’s none of your business

Honestly your husband needs to do the mortally right thing here and split the money. Anything else is just horrible.

Well unless it’s been protected, there will be IHT as well. But I absolutely think they should receive a share.

She’s not questioning his morals, they’re coming out better financially for him doing this. Pricks

He's depriving his half-siblings of potentially hundreds of thousands of pounds, depending on the size of their mum's estate. For most of us that's a life -changing amount.
I'd be pushing very hard indeed for him to do the right thing. Otherwise I'd have serious doubts about whether our values aligned.
If only everybody could make a watertight will to stop this sort of thing from happening.

Morally he should give them a third each of their mums estate. He would still end up with a good amount. Unfortunately he can’t be forced due to their mums lack of planning. YABU though to tell him what to do because it’s not your money or your business. You can give your opinion yes but tell him, no

Morally it’s right to split it and on an estate of a million there’s plenty to go around