AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

Yep this thread alone is proof of that. I am sure that the OP's MIL was sure that if her widowed husband left it all to his only child, said child would vary it. Except he hasnt.......

Aside from whether your spouse is honourable or not I think it's kind of weird to leave everything to Person A but with the expectation that Person A won't make use of what they got and will preserve it to pass to the mini-person As

He should split it, and the fact he isn't would make me see him in a very different light. How do you have your will set up op? Be very careful about anything you leave to him.

Inheritance tax.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You can make your point but then let him get on with it. His mother had the opportunity to divide her residual wealth with whomever she wanted. She chose your DH. That was his mum's decision. His siblings do not "have a share" because it's
a) not in the will and
b) because this is not France, where children cannot be disinherited.
Had you been an executor your obligation would be to carry out the deceased's wishes.
So yes, you are being unreasonable imo

It should have been split. The Mum made a huge mistake. If you want an heir to receive something, PUT IT IN WRITING and have it done legally. And your DH should share, but that's his decision. Bad karma if he doesn't.

None of your business tbh

He’ll find himself losing both of them over this and probably a big chunk of the money too if they take him to court. I say he splits it: what’s he going to do with over a million quid that he can’t do with £333k?

i have seen a similar situation. There are few things i would consider. Especially before doing anything such as making any financial comments or commitments.

Its also far to consider the valuation of the mothers estate at the time of her ist marriage divorce, because your father may have paid mortgages, maintained the property's, since remarrying their mother. Money that wasn't spent on their new family at the time?. Were any gifts given by the mothers for weddings, house deposits etc. its not just right to focus on the value estate now and split that. A whole life picture has to be considered

.1) See a financial adviser. On a sum of this value there will be considerable IHT to pay. Some of which will likley become payable due before properties are sold.Who is going to fund that if so for example
2) Who has done any care, all the work clearing the properties, handling all the admin etc. has any help being offered?
4) Do consider that if the beneficiary receives money and then gives money away it becomes a gift from them not an inheritance and falls within gifting tax rules. Again a deed of variation can address this

in summary, Take proper advice and let it unfold carefully.

Whatever is given is likley to upset someone, and be more or less than someones expectations. Views on that will will vary wildly.Partners, children of the beneficiaries etc You cant win whatever you do so will be less than someone expected, so don't make any promises before taking advice

As others have said the mother should have left a will, or even a letter. she didn't so anything given does becomes a gift from the beneficiary, not an inheritance. and unless deed of variation is arranged there are also consequences to that

Good luck. And do then write your own will

Sorry got distracted by the £1m being described as 'not an enormous sum'. Wow

I would hope my kids would split the money in that scenario and I would definitely tell my DH to. It’s morally the right thing to do.
Money no object Id split it evenly three ways. But the most logically fair way is to split the estate into 50-50 dads and mums. Then split the 50% mum’s share three ways.
So if the estate was £1million, £500k would be mums side. So each sibling would get a 1/3 of that. Your DH would also gets his dad share. So would still have the majority of the estate.

His mum messed up, but by all rights all the money has been left to him (also it’s none of your business). Where did his mum write that her share should be split? Was it in her will? Or hearsay? If she wanted it split x-ways she should have made a will that split it, not given it all to her husband.

Sorry but don’t agree this is necessarily the most logical way to deal with things. Dad is no relation to the kids that have crawled out from under their rocks. What if mums death left £50k? They get a third each of that so 17k - big difference to comparing the whole estate which they’re not entitled to.

If his mother didn't leave a will then her wishes are sepculation. Ultimately, it's up to your DH what he choosea to with his inheritance.

I don't see why DH should benefit just because the mother passed away first. I'd feel wrong making an advantage out of that.