AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

I think the date of inheritance does make a difference. If it was ten years ago for example then I am afraid it would be a case of "sorry but its too late".

So many threads on here prove it’s easy to be ‘morally correct‘ with other people’s money

Personally I don’t think it’s moral to expect someone to hand over money to someone else when it’s not yours and it’s not your business

And this is why women should not leave their estate to their DH, believing that they will do the right thing and recognise their partner's wishes.

So often they do not.

(and second wives often don't, either.

OP - I would feel quite disgusted with your late FIL and your DH in not recognising that giving his half siblings a sixth share each is the ethical thing to do.

He is benefitting from his father's bad behaviour. (yes, it is bad behaviour to disregard your wife's wish that her own estate be split between her Dc after FIL's death). ugh.

Well, I am going to say that (a) it’s not your business to tell him what to do and (b) if his mum wanted something different to happen she should have done something about it. Does he actually know that’s what she wanted or is it an assumption from his half-siblings? If I were them, I would not be asking for money that was not legally mine.

If his mum wanted her half to be split between her children she should have put that in place, legally. It's not fair for your DH to be put in this position.
I found myself in a similar position, received an Inheritance unexpectedly, was told by everyone that it needed to be shared etc, that's what the deceased would have wanted. If that's what they wanted they should have put provisions in place.

His DM’s share of the estate is not necessarily 50%, do you know if it was all earned during the marriage or if either his mum or dad had family money / money earned before getting married?

Legally your DH is right.
Morally he should share it as his mother wanted. It’s disgusting that he would completely disinherit her children. And he’d still get nearly £700,000, which is a huge amount of money.
His behaviour would put me off him if he was my DH.

Agree with you. Your DH’s mother should have protected all her children, his father did the wrong thing, and your DH is being quite mean.

Legally, it's his, but if he ignores his mum's expressed wishes then he is morally bankrupt.
Also him bringing ages into it to justify his reasoning is bullshit. People at any age may need money due to a variety of reasons.

He will still get most of the estate and have a sizeable amount of money that he can invest Vs other people his age which he can benefit from for the rest of his life

And this is why women should not leave their estate to their DH, believing that they will do the right thing and recognise their partner's wishes.
So often they do not.
(and second wives often don't, either.

Absolutely @YooBlue

A friend of mine is a probate lawyer, and he says that it’s invariably the in-laws who get greedy like this. And second wives/ families.

I’d be really put off my DH if he behaved like this.

This!! He should definitely honour his mother‘s wishes. (Morally!)

What was the worth of his mother’s estate at the time of her death. So only 50% of the property, her pension and shared cash.

They can’t even morally be sniffing around for the value at dad’s time of death including his pension. Very greedy of them considering no legally right.

@hesbelleth I think he should split it with them however when did his DM die?

I as as if it were say 20 years ago the overall value of the estate would have vastly increased in that time and their split 20 years ago would be significantly less than now. If it were in the past 5 years or so then split as is.

if the estate is worth £1m then IHT will have to be paid I assume so that will reduce the pot anyway but assuming there is none and he gets £1m he should give them at least 100k each.

If he has any respect for his late mother and her wishes he should definitely give the siblings their share !

My mum wanted to share between all us kids, when she died dad wanted to write my wayward brother out of the will, as none of us had any relationship with him for over 20 years. The rest of us said no, respect mums wishes. Thankfully he did.

Sometimes people should do the right thing.

It’s disgusting that he would completely disinherit her children.

She did that herself, when she didn't make a will.
Why didn't she?
In the absence of a will, how does anyone know what her wishes were?
Why didn't the half siblings approach fil, their stepfather?
And as pp have said, how much was mil's estate? If in England, that information is in the public domain and can be looked up on the govt. probate registry.

How does anyone know of DM's wishes?

I think DH should give something to his siblings. Does he have big plans for the inheritance?

... if he ignores his mum's expressed wishes....

When and how did she express these wishes?

I agree with you. He should honour his mum’s wishes and give them 1/6 each. He’s being very greedy and it’s not endearing.

If his mum wanted her estate to be split between her three children, then she should have made a will to that effect.
it’s not up to you DH to try to work out now, what 1/3 of her estate would have been at the point she passed.

Then she should have left half to the husband and half to the sons in her will. You can never express a wish via wording and hope it's then honoured by the person (in this case dad) to split his will

He should absolutely honor his mom's wishes. He'd have the larger share anyways, although that isn't the point. It's irrelevant that they are retired, his mom intended for them to be treated equally.

This actually pisses me off, he's betraying his late mom and siblings.

I think he should honor his mums wishes. He should get his dad's 50% and split his mums share 3 ways. His dad was wrong to disregard their mums wishes. It would be greedy, morally wrong and selfish to keep it all.

This happened to my mate. She was one of the older kids. It ruined her relationship with her siblings and they now have no relationship at all. It wasn't about the money it was the principle and the greed.

The agreement to give the mum's children from the first marriage an inheritence is between his mum and his dad. If his dad chose to ignore that agreement, then that is on him, and not on your dh. Unless your dh promised his dad or his mum that he will share the inheritence, i do not think he needs to execute an agreement he was not a party to. I would stay out of it, and let him do what he wants.

It’s his choice what to do in terms of the inheritance not yours @hesbelleth

if he did want to redistribute then it would probably be valued for when the mother died not the father.