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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop giving lifts to a school mum and daughter

247 replies

Rosesandthorns66 · 17/05/2026 13:39

Hi,
First time poster but long time reader.
Just wanted some perspective on an issue that is playing on my mind more than it should. The entitlement of this parent has upset me.
A school mum that had mostly ignored me in the past came up to me asking if I can give her the details of the activity my 10 year old daughter goes to, so that she can send her daughter. Both girls are in the same class.

I gave her the details, she arranged to join the activity, which is twice a week.
Then she asked me if she can get a lift on the days her husband was at work. Being put on the spot I said ok. She would go with me and then I would drop her back home. Even picking the girls she would say I'll go with you.
I am a single parent with 4 children, I have a lot of responsibilities of my own.
I have no ex- husband helping out and both my parents have passed away.
I also realised when this woman's husband was off work and taking his daughter himself, the woman made no offer to take my daughter with them.
I did ask this woman if we can take it in turns to drop the girls off and I'll do drop offs and pick ups, when her husband is at work.
She replied, ofcourse, ofcourse.
Then didn't offer to take my daughter on the next occasion.
Then she messages me saying, her husband has been asked to work for the next 4 weeks and if I can drop her daughter off because I go there anyway.
She said, it would be inconvenient for her to get there on the bus.
Its obvious she has no intention of taking my daughter, when her husband is going to drop off their daughter.
Thankyou all for reading, I feel upset, for being put in this position.
I feel guilty but also I feel I'm being used.
Would you feel guilty for saying no?
Am I in the wrong if I said No, this doesn't work for me.
Votes would be no I'm not being unreasonable to stop giving lifts.
Yes if I'm being mean for not helping out.

OP posts:
Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 14:19

@nomas
Very well put.

OP posts:
Koggs · 18/05/2026 14:28

It's annoying OP, lift shares are great when they work out especially if you have several kids to run round after, but this one was never going to work out that way and you are well rid.

Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 17:06

@Koggs
Yes they can work out with kind decent folk.
The more I think about this, I just don't understand how this woman wanted to receive acts of kindness but when it came to giving she played dumb.

OP posts:
Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 17:09

Thankyou so much to everyone who posted on here and who has voted.
Your comments have been helpful and thankyou for sharing your experiences. It has been interesting to read them and realise how selfish some people can be.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 18/05/2026 17:17

Glad it’s now sorted - well done for standing your ground. She could have made thing so much easier and shared.

we do an activity 3 times on school days.

I take Monday and do both/stay with a book . Friend does tue and stays and thur I take and she collects.

Wamid · 18/05/2026 17:26

There are always entitled people around to watch out for, not just primary school parents.

dcthatsme · 18/05/2026 18:05

Well done for putting your foot down!! The cheek of the woman! If she'd offered to do one of the weekly runs that would have been normal and fair behaviour but she was taking advantage of your good nature.

Livpool · 18/05/2026 18:28

AImportantMermaid · 17/05/2026 15:17

I would say, ‘I’ll do you a trade. I’ll do the next 4 weeks, and then you do the 4 weeks after that.’ If that works it could would work out well for you longer term.

She’d agree then not follow up because she is a cf

Walkerzoo · 18/05/2026 18:30

Something funny.
I commented earlier as I got caught.
But about a few months after the person who took me from a softie was giving lifts to another kid..... I smiled. The kid was on opposite sides of town so miles out of way as opposed to next street.
So they were able to help others....

Any form of guilt gone ...

So don't feel guilty. We want to help as we can but sometimes it is also to say sorry. It doesn't suit

Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 18:36

@Blondeshavemorefun
That's a fair setup.
@Wamid
Yeah, they are everywhere, I bet there's quite a few in workplaces.
@dcthatsme
I think she had the mindset she was only asking when she had no access to a car, otherwise we go in our own cars.
Oh well she's helped me learn a valuable lesson. The thing is I don't mind helping people but when they start using you, I can't take that.

OP posts:
Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 18:45

@Livpool
Yeah, 100% true, she'd give this long speech of agreeing and then not follow through.

OP posts:
QueenietheGreat · 18/05/2026 18:54

@Rosesandthorns66
The original user who's laughing about what a pushover you are as she uses you for her convenience
Ditch the lazy selfish oaf of a cow
And don't use your conscience; she doesn't deserve any thought whatsoever

Joloman74 · 18/05/2026 19:10

I absolutely detest people like this that behave entitled and just take and never return the favour or share the responsibility! You need to tell her that you won't be able to take her daughter anymore. Say that one of her siblings has an activity beforehand and you will be driving from there straight to your daughter's activity and unfortunately it's no where near her house. If she asks about bringing her daughter home say sorry but we have to go wherever again nowhere near your house. The woman only has herself to blame for being a cheeky F and never offering to take turns.

LadeeLove · 18/05/2026 19:16

Guilt?
You should feel none of that.
Actually tell her its becoming inconvenient for you to be used as an Uber.

Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 19:25

@Joloman74
The reason for my post was because she sent a message full of trying to guilt trip me about how her husband won't be available for the next four weeks and how difficult it will be for her to get there.
Keeping in mind her behaviour towards me, I had to be firm and reply that I am not able to offer any more lifts. I pointed out I have the responsibility of taking my children to places and I told her if she couldn't get there she shouldn't have joined the activity.

OP posts:
ec5881 · 18/05/2026 19:42

Rosesandthorns66 · 17/05/2026 20:44

@Shinyandnew1 I replied back and said "I'm very sorry and I can no longer offer any more lifts because I have my own hands full with my own children. I told you about the place but please don't make me feel awkward about giving you lifts," I also added if she had no means of getting there and coming back, she shouldn't have joined the activity.
I'm not sure if she will try her luck and ask again or make other arrangements.
Thanks to everyone here, I will have reply ready.
Thankyou everyone for your replies, I do feel more calm now.

well done OP! Really good job and I’m going to try and learn from you. You sure nipped it in the bud and learning to say no is one of life’s hardest but best lessons. As someone who is unnecessarily avoidant of this kind of thing I find you quite inspirational really!

Ladygardenerinderby · 18/05/2026 19:52

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 17/05/2026 13:50

Sorry I can’t.

That’s a complete sentence.
you’re not losing anything as she didn’t talk to you before anyway.

This . No sorry I can’t no more no less end of. She’s proper taking the piss out of you

Tuesdayschild50 · 18/05/2026 19:57

She is taking the pee... say to her I won't be able to do lifts anymore unless its shared be straight and say you really can't expect this from someone .
Move on from her she is a cheeky taker .

Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 20:00

@ec5881
Believe me it hasn't been easy. These users have the tools to talk smoothly and emphasise how they are in such a difficult situation. Unfortunately, they want to trap you to get their own way.
Even the wording the woman used, "oh since you're going there anyway." Its to make you feel to say "no" would be wrong.
I've had to be very firm and I feel like I've been rude because it's not my nature to be like that. If I carried on with the lifts like a fool, I was the one not respecting myself and letting someone use me and if I said no then I'm not helping someone who needs my help out. You can't win.
Coming on here is the only way I have calmed down.
Thanks to everyones replies and words of comfort, I've felt stronger.

OP posts:
Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 20:08

@Tuesdayschild50

Yes I have moved on from her. My words were firm letting her know that there's no point in asking again.
I had to come on this post to calm myself down from the worry you feel afterwards.
Even though I know I did the right thing, I felt this anxiety.
I have been reading all the replies.
Thankyou so much to every single person that has replied. Your replies, words of comfort and even sharing your own experiences have helped me. 😊❤️

OP posts:
Daisymail · 18/05/2026 20:27

cheezncrackers · 17/05/2026 13:43

Yes, she is a user. No, I would not feel guilty. You owe her nothing.

This.

thismummydrinksgin · 18/05/2026 20:27

We have plans before/after this week - going to a friends for tea. Sorry see you soon

Rosesandthorns66 · 18/05/2026 20:33

@thismummydrinksgin
No I've been firmer than that in my reply.
Otherwise, she would have kept asking and me trying to find a new excuse every week. All that hassle of lying for nothing.
I've just been blunt, no I'm not available for any more lifts.

OP posts:
Daisymail · 18/05/2026 20:33

Going forward, just say "I'm afraid that doesn't work for me", don't give reasons why or start justifying.

TheHillIsMine · 18/05/2026 20:38

Rosesandthorns66 · 17/05/2026 14:33

Thankyou for all your replies.
Everyone has replied saying, she's a user.
I will definitely leave a message saying, I can't give anymore lifts. It will be a firm no.

Don't fgs say sorry.