To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

[Laurennnworld]

This has happened twice now in recent relationships - the men I am with waiting many months to reveal ‘kinks’.

Now, I am not saying this should be revealed upfront on date 1, obviously not. But with my ex, he told me after 5 months. My current boyfriend, we are nearly 8 months in. He met my parents yesterday, we had a lovely afternoon with them and came back to mine to watch Eurovision. He then revealed something which he says he’d struggle to go without longer term. No judgement, but not really my thing. I could indulge it occasionally of course. But I wish he told me a few months ago when it would have been easier to cut things off.

Has anyone else experienced this? I am now in a conundrum.

Theres a lot going on here

Yabu first of all not to state the kinks so we can form a proper judgement!

Yanbu though

Chuck this guy back, how could you respect this complete bottom as a husband?!

People should be upfront about their sexual tastes so shit like this doesnt happen

This

Gay but cant accept it x

If he can’t go without it then he isn’t straight. Run Op, this one is only going to get weirder!

So they just like things up their arses?

Wow he went from bad to worse. On its own his kink isn’t too bad but the way he’s kept it secret then presented it as ‘all my friends are allowed to do it’ and then it turns out that the actual story is he had a partner help didn’t mind him getting his pegging elsewhere for THREE YEARS?!!
he sounds horrible, abusive and manipulative.
well done for knowing your boundaries

It’s not necessarily gay or bisexual, it just feel good for them, they have the prostate up there and it just feels good for the ones who have tried it, but it doesn’t mean every woman has to indulge them

My guess is he still sees this mistress and now you’ve got serious feels he should tell you.

So he has just realised there is something he likes that he will struggle to live without

that is just straightforward manipulation especially given that the relationship has become serious

he will no doubt try and push another boundary soon don’t allow him

Anything that is a non-negotiable - kink, food habit, hobby or anything - should be put on the table considerably before you hit the stage of meeting the parents imo.

Waiting until right after, and using the “exes didn’t mind” cliches would have me running for the hills, manipulative prick.

Oh he has this perfected! Or thinks he has! Telling you right after meeting your parents and reminding you of this promised future of marriage and kids- thank god it sounds like you’re not that easily manipulated! He’s shown you who he is now OP. My worry is that if you say - absolutely not, this is over, that he will backtrack and say he was only ASKING and of COURSE he isn’t going to throw away this amazing thing you have over that- please please don’t believe anything this man tells you! Of course if he could get your permission that would be ideal for him, but second best is just lying to you and doing it anyway.

Bin.

Hey Darling

I love you and want to be with you for ever and ever even though I said I couldn't live without my kink, and I'm suddenly completely sincere despite my earlier ultimatum.

And btw you know this love you for ever and ever happy ever after stuff with marriage, do you think you could throw in a sex worker so I can get my rocks off because you aren't going to satisfy me enough.

My Ex was fine with all of this. Honestly I've no idea why we split up, we were both so happy and compatible. You are a cool girl too aren't you? You are going to stroke my ego and support my pervy feeling and will be happy to spend our family money on an expensive pass time that destroys your self esteem and self worth and any trust we have between us. It's a worthwhile investment. And you will continue to prioritise this financially and emotionally when our first baby comes along won't you? I'm sure your Dad will approve when I ask for your hand in marriage

My wonderful support human who selflessly is prepared to indulge my bloated entitlement to women as a commodity

Love you darling

Richard

Wow!! A quick turn around from I can live without it, too, actually can I pay someone to do it!!!

Well at least you found out now.

Oh totally

never do anything you aren’t happy to do

Yep

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

What an absolute tosser he is. You are well rid of him. It’s not just his kink, it’s his casual mention of a mistress and his appalling attitude. 💐

He just gets worse doesn’t he! I’ve managed to have 40 years of relationships and not one of them had a kink.

Block him now so you don’t have to put up with any more of his BS.

What a prick.

He’s got some brass neck giving you advice about how to not be single given he’s just been dumped, and none of the exes who were apparently fine with it have stuck around either

Richard (aka Dick).

True

You dodged a bullet. Sorry he’s led you up the garden path though.

I think I’d send one last message ‘If anyone is going to stay single it appears to be you! Your exes didn’t stay did they! 🙄 Over and Out!

Then block.