DH wont leave

[Rainymay12]

Dh refusing to leave. I have asked him to leave, I have had enough. I work to pay all bills and get his card “here and there” to “pop to the shop” i do all house work, childcare school runs whilst he spend 7 days a week working for his Dad’s buisness of which he gwts a tiny wage and we see none of it. Recently his mother has been more than horrific towards me and he has been so so complacent about it, he is complacent about everything, the house needs replastering and lots of work outside, we need a new car we need a new lawnmower my tumble dryer is on the blink. Im spending yet another weekend solo parenting with no car. I asked him to leave at linch time. He laughed and said hes not leaving to be without the kids. Do I pack up with kids and go? This is nothing new ive had countless convos about things needing to change, with countless promises..

There is nothing on OP’s post to suggest he is trying to find another job. People get new jobs all the time even if it takes them longer than they would like. It may be harder for some people in 2026 but it’s not “impossible” especially as this man evidently has some experience in something.

And as I’ve stated in the post above, even if he couldn’t find a better job than this - he could give up his work in the family business to look after the household and children just like many low earning women do.

You’re not seriously arguing it’s acceptable for this man not to contribute to his household in any way ??

He really doesnt.

Men can choose to date who they want.

IME they’re usually more concerned with “shunning” women who don’t fit their beauty standards in terms of slim, looking a certain way etc moreso than being interested in financial stuff, but that’s on them.

We all have our preferences and it’s a big decision who you marry and have kids with. So people should choose wisely and not get with someone they’re not happy with. And I believe most women would not be happy with a man like OP describes! Not wanting to date a certain type of man is not about “shunning” why the dramatic language? I’ve been rejected and I’ve rejected men. I didn’t “shun” them nor was I rejected. I am not entitled to any man and men are entitled to any woman.

You are not arguing in good faith at all, lots of straw men arguments btw! I have repeatedly said it’s not just about the low income but it’s how low this man is earning for all these hours AND the fact that he contributes zero to the household as a father or husband.

Yes, a man like that who brings nothing except an extra mouth to feed should be “shunned” (or less dramatically -avoided!) if a woman has any sense or she’ll end up in this mess that OP has .

Why do you insist women should be okay with this?

Btw if I knew a woman who was working seven days a week earning an income so meagre she couldn’t contribute to household income or childcare or housework I would tell any decent man to run from her as well. I have not came across such a useless woman though tbh!

The woman I know who don’t earn a lot and have a family work 20-40 hours and pull their weight at home.

What a bizarre story. Divorce first?

Ah typos, meant to say :

Not wanting to date a certain type of man is not about “shunning” - why the dramatic language? I’ve been rejected and I’ve rejected men. I didn’t “shun” them nor was I shunned. I am not entitled to any man and men are not entitled to a woman.

@Notagaiin I would prefer it if you just answered the question.

Should women on low incomes also be shunned?

You’re going round in circles here, perhaps to avoid admitting your shameful and
absurd position of trying to normalise this man’s appalling behaviour and comparing it to either hard working SAHM or women on low wages when it’s not comparable.

These are women who in most cases do the lion share or at least an equal amount of housework, childcare and school runs etc and will contribute in some way financially if they are working. There are plenty of women who even keep up their share of bills while on maternity leave or pay for childcare while working part-time. It’s really daft and quite offensive to compare these women to a useless man like that.

Women who for whatever reasons don’t bring in any income in to their joint household finances, stay at home and take care of domestic duties. This man should do the same!

So without rehashing my arguments which are clearly stated and most which you’ve avoided answering I will just say this:

are you seriously arguing it’s ok for this man to bring nothing to the table? No contribution to bills? Nothing for his family? Not looking after the kids or doing school runs or helping to help the house clean?

And women should get used to this 😆 in an era where an increasing amount of women are happily child free or going solo in motherhood?

nah it’s not happening!

Anyway, about the OP...

I would prefer if you would read my posts as I answered it! I’d also prefer if you’d actually engage with the arguments and state your position about defending this man as I’ve said in my post above.

Full reply above but in brief I said : no one is being shunned by choosing not to date a certain type of man/woman. I don’t fit the criteria for some men. So what?!

And yeah if a man didn’t want to date a woman earning less than him that’s not shunning that’s just his choice and it’s fine.

Not wanting to date a certain type of man is not about “shunning” - why the dramatic language? I’ve been rejected and I’ve rejected men. I didn’t “shun” them nor was I shunned. I am not entitled to any man and men are not entitled to a woman

I'm not saying a judge would give him rights to live there, I am saying that at this present time he does have a right to live there. OP needs to follow the correct legal procedures to have him removed from the house which will almost certainly mean that she will have to give notice to end the current tenancy.

She cannot legally change the locks. He has a right to access his home.

Trust fund kid thought she married into a rich family and it hasn’t panned out.

I think the husbands family pay him a pittance to keep it from the Op

It’s giving a modern Romeo & Juliet theme. Imagine the families are business competitors or something and hate them being together based on OP’s other posts.

OP ignore most of the advice in this thread other than the seeking actual legal advice either you or your dad on how to get him off the tenancy.

or go the easy route, speak to him mum, tell her to take him back and to tell him to remove himself from the tenancy. I’m pretty sure he will comply with mum!

The OP is not coming back.

OP are you ok my love?
forgive me if I’m totally wrong but my gut is telling me this could be a farming family situation. Just want to reach out and let you know your feelings are valid and there can be light at the end of the tunnel. Appreciate it’s not as easy as getting another job etc.. if only! do you have any support nearby?
if I’m off the mark I apologise but just concerned as I know how bloody hard it is if my gut instinct is right.

Ah I haven’t read the other posts but think maybe you’re right. This would explain what’s going on and it was my suspicion from the outset.

Because it’s not adding up why this man would remain long term in a family business paying so meagre a wage he “can’t” even contribute to bills despite working at it seven days a week too.

I guess they will probably be storing up money for him while OP shoulders the financial burden of the whole family, until he eventually leaves and gets access to it all after having drained OP dry . Shame.

@Notagaiin Full reply above but in brief I said : no one is being shunned by choosing not to date a certain type of man/woman. I don’t fit the criteria for some men. So what?!

Actually, what you said was:-

"And failing that - staying single or only casually dating and not entertaining a family or blending your life with a useless man. We don’t need to accept bottom barrel men."

Clearly there is a lot of double think in what you are saying, which shows that you don't have consistent or rational perspectives. You should take a step back and reflect on that.

Can’t do that if he is on the tenancy

her dad can’t evict them now due to the new rules. Only if he is going to move back in or sell. If he evicts to sell, he isn’t allowed to rent it out again for 12 months

No you’re the one who is going round in circles and still not answer properly.

Again :

So without rehashing my arguments which are clearly stated and most which you’ve avoided answering I will just say this:
are you seriously arguing it’s ok for this man to bring nothing to the table? No contribution to bills? Nothing for his family? Not looking after the kids or doing school runs or helping to help the house clean?
And women should get used to this 😆 in an era where an increasing amount of women are happily child free or going solo in motherhood?

Can you answer the above?

I also said what I copied and pasted!

And yes. The man is useless and women shouldn’t date men like this. I have stated that consistently. WHERE is the double think?

Are you conflating “low earning” and “useless” for some reason? If so that’s on you.

Again, I would not date a useless man like OPs husband and women shouldn’t feel they need to accept men like this. It leads to absolute misery. I have not wavered from this stance.

If he can’t or won’t bring in any money to the household, he should make himself useless at home and take care of the house and children. Just like many SAHPs do!

Clearly there is a lot of double think in what you are saying, which shows that you don't have consistent or rational perspectives. You should take a step back and reflect on that.

Btw this is projection. You failed to clearly state your position when I asked you repeatedly to clarify if you’re saying women should just get used to men like OPs partner who brings nothing

Your “arguments” seems to focus on just picking at something in my post, misrepresenting it and then going off on a new tangent. You initially made some false claim about mens earning in comparison to women. That didn’t hold up to scrutiny, and I posted the stats to disprove it, so you then moved onto something else - all the while avoiding my questions above.

It’s absolutely bonkers if you are seriously suggesting women should get used to settling down , marrying and having kids with men like OPs husband who contribute nothing. And leave it all to their wives to do everything. If they want to live like a solo man wanting only to earn money for themselves and not cooking/cleaning for others and looking after kids they should stay single and childfree.

Again, my position on this thread has always been women don’t need to accept useless men like OPs husband who bring nothing to the family table except another mouth to feed. It’s better to be single than to accept bottom barrel men.

No right thinking or rational decent man (or woman) would argue against this.

I’d really question your motivations for opposing this common sense stance and ask yourself why the idea of women choosing a man who can consistently contribute in some way (beyond providing the sperm for a child) bothers you.

Your father can tell him to leave his house then

This is horrible advice and if there are custody issues in future doing this will look bad, not to mention putting the kids through unnecessary stress.

Get your father round to throw him out and call 101 for advice. He doesn't get a choice. Change the locks whilst he is out and call the police at any hint of aggression. Who's car is it? If yours, remove him from the insurance and call the police if he attempts to take it and drive. Report it stolen. Get tough.

Get your father to evict. And instigate divorce proceedings asap. You can do this and you will be so much happier.

He clearly despises you. 💐

I would just start by not letting him use your card. If you think he will just take it then cancel it or change the PIN. Don't cook for him. Don't do his laundry. Don't make plans with or for him and don't include him in yours. Act like a single person with children. And don't share a bed with him.

If you can pack up his stuff and change the locks while he's out fair enough - I would probably take his things round to his mother, but if he has the car you may not be able to do that and you will probably have to resign yourself to bring carless. If you are still paying for the car and it is in your name you could report it stolen perhaps, provided you can prove that he has taken it without permission so you would need to send him messages to say you want the car back and he does not have permission to use it. Send more than one, and tell him that if he does not return it you will report it stolen. I

It's very easy for other people to tell you what you can do and only you can know what his reaction would be. I had it easy. I told my ex I wanted him to leave and gave him a reasonable time to find somewhere to live, washed and packed his clothes, sorted out bedding and towels, was as nice as can be whilst still being implacable about it, and he left. We sorted out access to the children during this period, and we have remained on polite terms even now they are adults. I hope you can do the same.