DH wont leave

[Rainymay12]

Dh refusing to leave. I have asked him to leave, I have had enough. I work to pay all bills and get his card “here and there” to “pop to the shop” i do all house work, childcare school runs whilst he spend 7 days a week working for his Dad’s buisness of which he gwts a tiny wage and we see none of it. Recently his mother has been more than horrific towards me and he has been so so complacent about it, he is complacent about everything, the house needs replastering and lots of work outside, we need a new car we need a new lawnmower my tumble dryer is on the blink. Im spending yet another weekend solo parenting with no car. I asked him to leave at linch time. He laughed and said hes not leaving to be without the kids. Do I pack up with kids and go? This is nothing new ive had countless convos about things needing to change, with countless promises..

Please don't use your children as weapons or to point score.

If he's a shit parent they'll suffer.

Hand in notice to your landlord that you are moving. Actually move out to your parents, spend a week or two redecorating the place with your dad then move in using a new tenancy agreement.

Gotta say if the house you are in needs replastering, thats a landlord job

Use it against you for what?

Whose name's on the tenancy? Do your parents ie your father know what's going on?

'Have him sell it'??

He's her father, not her servant.

And he may have absolutely no intention of selling his property anyway.

OP, you really need some legal advice I think.

In court. He'll say she walked out on her kids.

Regardless of whether he is a shit parent he is their parent, he's going to have them 50% of the time once the OP divorces him!

How was he before kids @Rainymay12 ?

Ask your dad to serve him notice, well both of you. I presume you've an argreement? Then move back in once he's gone. Sorry OP, what a mess.

With the new rules the dads going to need a proper new legal reason to evict. Selling is one.

Before you go down the convoluted route of getting your Dad to end the tenancy and then sign a new one with you, I would ask a solicitor about getting an occupation order. There does not necessarily have to have been abuse to get an order. I got one when my ex refused to move out of the flat that I was renting for us. The judge gave him two weeks to move out. Of course its not guaranteed, but there might be a fair chance, especially considering the fact that it is your family's property, you are the one paying the rent, and you are also the primary caregiver to the children who live there.

Have you actually seen his bank acc to see what his dad pays him?

no chance he’s getting cash?

@Rainymay12

He's never going to leave voluntarily. Why should he when you're doing all the grunt work. If you are providing any 'domestic services' for him STOP. No doing his laundry, cooking for him (shop and cook for you and DC only), cleaning up after him, no doing 'life admin' for him. Do NOT give him money or pay any of his bills or subscriptions (looking at you, SkySports). Sleep 'elsewhere'; spare room, with DC, the couch if he won't. In short, make his life as UNcomfortable as you possibly can so he wants to fuck off to Mummy's.

Are you both on the tenancy or just you alone? Is there even a written tenancy at all?

Depending on the above, have your dad evict either him alone (if that's possible) or both of you. I know there is some new law in the UK about tenants and evictions so Dad may want to consult with a solicitor before proceeding to determine what ground may be needed for the eviction. I'd suggest you go with him if that's possible so you both know what's what. If worse comes to worse, you stay with Dad or someone else for a month or two, leaving the house empty, then move back in.

If there's no contract or the tenancy is in your sole name I'd ask about whether or not you can lock him out. The fact that you're married may affect this, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

If his name is on the tenancy then you can’t kick him out.

However, as it is your dads place then that makes it easier to evict him - but your dad will likely have to go through the proper processes.

Do you have somewhere to stay?
Does he earn enough to pay the rent?

I’d be tempted to move out and then let uk pay all of the bills - legally your dad may have better success at kicking him out then.

But you can’t get back with him.
It would not be fair on your dad.

Exactly this!
Talk to your dad and ask him to get advice as the landlord. Presumably your dad will support you and help get him out.

Yeah! Sod the children! Let them be punished for the behaviour of their father. They will be unfed? Late for school? Distressed? Their routine broken and no homework done? Fuck that, you will prove the point!

Family farm?

Don’t change the locks - that could land you and your father in legal hot water. As someone else has said - get legal advice.

You cannot simply 'have' someone sell their house because it suits you? 😳

I mean she could be a complete cheeky fucker and approach her dad to ask if he would mind selling his property, because it would really help her out.

But even then, there may be no equity in it anyway.

As posted above I think if you can unilaterally give notice yourself even if it’s a joint tenancy.

that’s the best thing you can do as it ends the tenancy and your dad can use use the opportunity carry out any maintenance like plastering. Assume this is an unfurnished tenancy in which case decoration is your responsibility (I think) but your dad needs to maintain heating, hot water and sanitary fixtures and fitting (WC, Basin, Bath and/or shower).

would you have somewhere to stay for a few weeks while that work is being done ?
in all of this, bear in mind that it’s possible your soon to be ex can go for joint custody and if you earn more, claim maintenance from you I think?
lazy arsed parents (normally dads let’s be honest) generally hand over the custody grunt work to their mothers in my experience, so you also need to factor in how you feel about her possibly spending half the week with your kids. Can’t say it would have put me off as ex was horrendous and my MH and physical health had tanked by the time I got rid of him.
best to have a chat with your dad and also make sure you arnt breaking any laws if you follow this route.

good luck. You are in a better position than most.

Obviously you can’t just “tell” a grown adult to leave- where is he going to go? You dont just make someone homeless
you have to agree a move out date, or get him evicted. It’s not simple, certainly not as simple as just telling him.

50/50 is always quoted on here. Lots of men would never do it. It’s not the norm.

OP doesn’t need legal advice for the housing situation. The law doesn’t care about a joint rented tenancy. They have to work out by themselves whether one takes over the tenancy or the both move out. There is nothing else to say

Yeah agree with this. Do you have a proper tenancy agreement in place with your dad? Or is it more casual?

If the former then get your dad to evict you as he now wants to "sell"
If the latter then really just move to your parents and change the locks.

Sounds all too familiar, is he a farmers son by any chance?