AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

I am not blowing the money. I am investing it into my dental health that will pay off long term, a new haircut and some clothes essentials to keep me warm during colder months .

Once you have your teeth sorted I would be putting some aside. Spend a couple of hundred on some new clothes and shoes max. Then the rest would be saved put aside for the next time I really wanted something. I like going to gigs so I would pick one or wait until a band on my list next announces a tour. Dp would also come as we generally go to gigs together (and possibly DC). I may also spend the money on some theatre tickets, again this wouldn't just be for me as going as a group is more fun.

We do have some savings though, so if the car or washing machine broke tomorrow it wouldn't be a total disaster. I would feel more comfortable saving the money. Money that was passed on to me by my dad from my gran was put into the car saving fund. This meant day to day things were less tight as I knew I had a little bit aside just in case.

you must have had a reason for selling the gift
if the reason was for your teeth then go for it

I think what’s odd about this thread is that the Op doesn’t know what she wants to spend the money on apart from the teeth. In that case surely you stick it in a high interest account and take it out when you find something that you really desperately want, rather than having a shopping spree in M&S to burn through it as quickly as possible.

I'd spend v similar to you: clothes upgrade; reformer pilates classes: hair/beauty. You have permission to do something just for yourself OP! Enjoy.

But it was "spare" as a bag and then it was money. I guess it's up to OP to decide if it's spare or not.

I think you should go for the suggestions you list in your op. They all sound like an investment in yourself and will feel good.

What would your grandmother want for you? I am sure she’d be supportive of you looking after yourself. Go for it! You can always take the family on a lovely day out somewhere with a little bit of the money.

Of course you should prioritise yourself here, it’s your money and you’ve been through the mill so think of yourself for a change and be nice to yourself! Get the teeth fixed, it will revolutionise your confidence. Buy some clothes- doesn’t have to be a massive amount, try vinted. Spend a day getting pampered- get your hair and nails done, have a facial, whatever floats your boat. If there’s any left over, book a nice day out with the family.

OP you say you don’t see a property as security but I assume granny was able to fund your education due to her many properties, possibly likewise the family member you would ask for money from, rather than save money yourself.

And if you were having to work 3 jobs to make ends meet I’m not sure your paid for education was worth it.

Is someone paying for your DC’s education?

OK so you and your H can rely on family for money should you need it. fair enough and lucky.

But it’s not that simple they can be pissed with you and still help you…the feelings are not mutually exclusive. It doesn’t sound like you would be financially vulnerable once in your life…you ARE financially vulnerable. That 3k would be a great buffer in an emergency. I would rather that than think oh I’ll just ask my parents! What if they don’t have the money? Or what if they need it? I have raised mine to know that I am ALWAYS on their side and I will ALWAYS help them, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t use it as an opportunity to reinforce that I also taught them to plan for their future and make wiser decisions…

We cannot rely on any big money. I was talking about the 3K that posters are convincing me is selfish to spend on any treatment for myself because instead it would make up a house deposit or some massive safety net which it won’t.

You can tell people that every single one of difficult situations is a result of their bad decision making and turn it around on them when they are already emotionally vulnerable. I do not raise my children this way as for me life often comes with challenges and we can all end up in vulnerable situations it is not always anyone’s fault. It doesn’t mean I am encouraging ‘blowing money’. Jesus I am not spending money on anything extravagant I have been delaying this dental work for 17 years because my regular NHS dentist just doesn’t cover it! Would you actually judge your children for spending anything on their dental work and throw it into their faces if they suddenly had a completely different emergency and be pissed off with them ? It wasn’t spend on drinks, drugs, or ridiculous trips they couldn’t afford!

Investing into something that can start causing health issues long term is a wise decision. Bad teeth and gums can quite quickly become an emergency requiring way more than 3K actually in the future.

@Hellosunshine92 I find it odd that you posted in AIBU and asked whether you were being unreasonable to spend it all on yourself then get pissed off with posters who say you are being unreasonable

If I was you, I would put the money to one side until we had at least the same amount in savings before I spent it (but I am very risk averse and would hate to be in the position of having no emergency fund). Then when you have a savings pot you then spend the £3k on what you want.

So you get to spend the money eventually, it’s not lost in the savings pot. If you do have to spend it on an emergency first then there is an understanding that at some point £3k is there for you to spend.

I would have sleepless nights if I didn’t have an emergency fund

How much is an adequate emergency fund for most people ?

OP why are you just focusing on the negative replies?! Many of us have suggested fun stuff you could do with the money. Ignore the negativity and enjoy your windfall!

OP I've just had composite bonding on my teeth - top 8 and the price was amazing on a special offer compared to all other places. It was a personal recommendation to me from my sister who's had them done there and they are honestly fantastic! It will make your money go further if you're anywhere near London. I don't know if you can send private messages on Mumsnet? But if you can I'm happy to give you the details.

Ok so why are you asking?? Seriously if you are so bloody sure you are doing the right thing!? Why are you asking!?

@Hellosunshine92 it’s usually advised that an emergency fund should cover 3 to 6 months essential outgoings, so rent, utilities, food etc

£3k is ‘big money’ to take or borrow from family, or a bank!

You have access to family money, brilliant.

Illogical to argue that £3k isn’t enough for a ‘safety net’ therefore zero is better.

Well that will be like a house deposit . Does it mean you are not allowed to get a house because you will be using the emergency fund too ? I am glad for some people it is quite straightforward, unfortunately for me life hasn’t been this way so far and so have only just reached a position after years of hard work of being able to do something for myself. I will take this chance now whilst I can before going into endless ‘ we need to earn/ save more’ route again. What’s the point of saving constantly if you and your family cannot ever just spend any money on something that would make them happy.

Personally I wouldn't spend it on clothes. With care you can build up a really great, good quality wardrobe by buying second hand.
I think I'd be tempted to pay for one really nice thing like a cut and pedicure at a great salon for instant gratification. And then I'd put the rest of the money somewhere safe until I saw the perfect thing to splash out on. For me, that'd be a piece of art but that's just me.
Whatever you decide, enjoy 🙂

I haven’t got access to any family money where have I said this ??? I have got access to caring parents who do have this bit of money and wouldn’t mind borrowing it to me if I were ever in an emergency. They would never want to go through my bank statements criticising me getting something for myself and saying ‘what were you thinking then that was selfish’ . I do not count on this money going through my life , I never asked for anything and I never had any debt hence why I don’t want to spread any payments now into multiple payments.