AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

Arguing that we should prioritise financial and housing stability isn’t ‘hating women’.

@Waitingfordoggo

if it makes Op feel happier than it’s a health thing.

it shouldn’t only be people with 40k savings who can get teeth whitening 😀

OP clearly you were hoping for a thread full of people telling you to spend it and are grumpy you aren’t getting that. Or perhaps you were expecting people to tell you different ways to spend it. just not imagined being told not to spend it at all.

You seem to have a mindset of someone who’s expecting long term being poor. No point saving, that’ll just be taken from you before you get benefits. Benefits will cover your lifestyle, you’ve had a windfall and want to spend it quick because a) you don’t imagine you’ll ever have this sum of money again and b) if you don’t spend it fast, it’ll end up being spent bit by bit on boring family necessities- and without this lump sum you’re confident you’ll just sort out some other way to borrow the money for those.

You are determined to spend it and spend it fast, so spend it on yourself not dcs or dh. But please also stop and think - your new qualifications have moved you into a new, better paying career. I presume you will continue to increase your wage and you do need to factor in, will you just save the extra or knowing your mindset, will you increase your lifestyle to match it? In which case, UC won’t be enough to cover the shortfall if you lost your job.

this is before you factor in your grandmother paid for your education, will you be able to cover university costs if your dcs want to go ? Again if you are building a good career, it is unlikely your DCs will be able to borrow the full amount they’ll need.

@dozer

OP wants to spend her money on herself. So what?
she should treat herself - you only live once!

I don’t hate women spending money on themselves, at no time have I said OP shouldn’t have dental work. But I have said build a savings buffer first. I would recommend that to men or women, don’t just presume the state or family will bail you out if you need funds.

I think yabu, spend it on a holiday for you and your family to enjoy.

No of course- whoever wants teeth whitening and can pay for it, should do what they want (almost all dentists offer reasonable payment plans for this type of work too, which makes it accessible for more people). It’s just not very logical to spend money on this sort of thing if a person doesn’t have any savings at all. (And 3k savings is better than 0 savings). It’s unfair that certain things that are regarded as treats are only affordable to some people- I don’t like that fact any more than you do- but I can’t change it. I waited a very long time to have my whitening treatment- years. I waited until I could comfortably afford it.

The OP will do whatever she wishes with her money- as is her right. But posters are entitled to comment on a person’s financial decisions if the person has publicly asked for opinions on it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was also trying to make the point that the OP is misleading in describing the dental work as a need or essential for her health- I think she can just be honest and say she wants it done (which was also my reason for having it done).

I have bad chips as a result of damage done in childhood. Lately these have been causing some sensitivity and my chips have become really sharp causing repeated cuts on my tongue. I would not say this is purely cosmetic. Mild teeth whitening was only suggested as later it will be impossible to change the colour of the bonding so I would just have two front yellow teeth for a good time if I go straight to fixing the issue alone. I am quite sorry that you had to have 40k in savings first in order to allow yourself first and get some desired procedure done to make yourself happy . I had zero savings but could often be sitting wearing my nanas expensive bag , enjoying a cup of coffee in nice restaurant with a friend. You do not have to feel guilty for enjoying life as we only get one chance. Nobody cares how much savings you have had when you are unwell unless people only love you for possible inheritance.

Treat yourself OP, you sooooo deserve to. So easy to get lost in meeting other people's needs especially with young children.
New haircut and outfit sounds just what you deserve. Plus dentist work too.
Enjoy

We pay for holidays out of our household salary /income. This is extra money that I didn’t expect as wasn’t sure the bag would even sell.

@Hellosunshine92- you’re right that I do feel guilty spending money on myself! But I do still manage to do it- now and then when I can afford it. I don’t like extravagance and I worry a lot about waste and the environment so I am pretty frugal and try to just buy what I need, rather than what I want. But I’m happy with that because unlike a lot of people, I don’t get a kick out of buying things- I don’t really covet things like clothes, jewellery, perfume, home wares, cars etc. I get more of a kick out of seeing my savings grow and updating my spreadsheet 😂 That’s the kind of thing that floats my boat so we’re obviously just very different!

But you don’t need to feel sorry for me because I enjoy some lovely holidays, gigs and festivals with the family, and occasionally have trips out to a nice restaurant, or afternoon tea at a hotel, or a weekend in London and seeing a show. Those are the sorts of things I really do enjoy spending money on, and don’t feel guilty about. I feel very lucky to be able to occasionally afford those things.

Just a word about the whitening- and I’m not trying to put you off but thought you might appreciate the warning- the sensitivity I experienced from the whitening was SO uncomfortable. So much so I actually stopped the treatment a bit early (but had achieved results I was happy with up to that point anyway). I found I had to take Ibuprofen/paracetamol some days to take the edge off it. Hopefully won’t happen to you- but just in case.

Nobody was talking about benefits I definitely do not go to sleep thinking about benefits or another emergency awaiting just around the corner that I haven’t got enough funds for. I would not be able to wake up and face another day otherwise with that much additional stress that may or may not happen! When Covid hit the world I doubt 3k made a different to anyone really as it was just one massive emergency nobody could prepare for.

Honestly. Must everything be misogyny. I'm a woman I certainly do not hate women .

If the op's dp was posting that he had a 3k wodge from selling Granny's handbag I'd say the same, small treat for yourself but as they seem to be scraping by and only have a rental it would make sense to keep some put by for unexpected outgoings, it's just common sense. Well it should be.

I do not think we are very different. I mentioned earlier we as a family have not been in any position before to have any money left after childcare bills/ other expenses etc. so if I had to put it all onto a spreadsheet it would probably just make me upset as our income just wasn’t high enough. I am also not into buying any things I have mentioned earlier that so have been wearing the same two pairs of jeans and shoes for 4 years. I want to invest into things to last long term and keep me warm during autumn and winter months that’s not blowing money away and being so different to you . I am a woman just like you with similar joys and wishes and I feel like it should be cool to support one another and not tear each other apart.

Thank you for the whitening advice though I only want to do it for a short period of time and then use it occasionally as a top up.

But she can’t afford to do that!!

£3000 would have made a massive difference to people in Covid as it meant when food prices went up, they could still afford to buy it. When jobs were lost £3000 in savings prevented them from being made homeless when they couldn’t have paid that months rent. 1 in 2 people renting in this country don’t have savings to pay one months rent, 45% would be homeless with one missed paycheck, you have the chance to be more secure.

Yes I can ! That is the whole point. Both my partner and I earn enough to cover monthly expenses and to save now, we have a holiday already paid off for this year. We will hopefully start saving better after summer. I have got 3 k the things I want to get are within this price range. So I can afford it. What other people think should be left after this on my account is irrelevant really .

Our rent during Covid was 1100. So 3K wouldn’t even cover 3 months rent without even a can of beans what food shop are you talking about. Or some people just died and no savings helped them at all ( some of my relatives). Same if war happens and you have to just move and relocate for example like many of my Ukrainian friends had to, yes you need money to buy tickets but after that most of them didn’t know what the future even held for them. All I am saying is because my attitude towards things is different and I want to treat myself after years of hard work , doesn’t make it reckless or wrong. It just makes it different to yours.

Whether you can afford it is subjective.

As a household you have zero savings, so many of us argue that you can’t afford to spend the £3k savings that you now have.

You’ve said you’d turn to family or the state in the event of unexpected adverse events. Your choice.

You’ve also referred to working multiple jobs and being in a field with plenty of work, so clearly can get work, as long as you are well and have childcare.

It would have covered 2 months rent until you found another job to pay your bills.

Relying on family bailing you out & universal credit rather than ensuring your own financial security is both reckless and wrong- there is no two ways about that.

It is not reckless nor wrong it is there for a reason to support people during temporary financial difficulty that can happen to all of us. I do not rely on any of that but it is a sign of healthy society to know that this support is available if you ever needed it. It is also a sign of a healthy support network to know that you have got people to turn to if you ever needed to. At least my support network would never ever think of me as reckless with the amount of time I dedicate to them and all the support I have provided to my loved ones. Jesus my best girlfriends would host me in their spare bedrooms with my kids if I ever became homeless no questions asked because that’s what friends are for !

Invest it in your teeth even if it’s more costly than 3k. People are judged terribly for their teeth.

Your financial state is improving immensely as the thread goes on…impressive!

Yes, my whitening was for a short time too- but the sensitivity was difficult to tolerate. Hopefully it won’t happen to you but it is quite a common experience.

I do think we (clearly) have different attitudes to savings- that’s what I meant. And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s not a criticism of you or of me- just an observation.

It’s when you say things like ‘we will hopefully start saving better after summer’ that make you seem a bit financially naïve/unengaged. Why is it ‘hopefully’? Surely if you know how much money is coming in and going out you will know whether or not you can put some in savings, and how much.