AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

If you’re selling a personal possession it’s fine to spend the money on your self.

OP, like you, every penny I earn goes on my family and I struggle to spend on myself. You have done amazing things this year and your family clearly benefit every day from your efforts. I really hope that you take this bonus money and spend it on yourself - please ignore the rather unpleasant narrative on here - you are not being reckless or selfish. You are investing in yourself, your confidence and your health all of which will have positive impacts on your children and your DH. If I had this windfall I too would spend some of it on fixing a weird tooth that always bothers me and maybe a piece of art. Good luck to you!

Put it all in a decent savings account, go for a lovely long walk in the sunshine and look at flowers. Go to a nice wealthy town and buy clothes in the charity shops there. Buy a new pair of shoes.

Enjoy the interest building up in your savings and you'll feel motivated to keep adding to it, and the buy a house.

Op just do it you could have had a bag that meant nothing to you but it’s now gone so with the money get those things you want your grandma would probably want you to treat yourself don’t think long term right now teeth clothes whatever you choose it’s your right it was your bag after all.

As tempting as it is to spend it and you absoloutely deserve too, it also doesn’t sound like you’ll be in this position again soon. Therefore the most sensible thing to do really is to save it for a rainy day….or….throw it in a share ls ISA and invest on stock market and see where it lands in 12 months. I would do stocks and watch it slowly grow without doing anything. Then you’ll likely have more (read into it obviously). Trading 212 is an easy app.

defo get your teeth done hair cut and some good quality clothes. A nice coat and boots perhaps. I got a beautiful jager one in m&s and it was 20% off expensive stil but i know ill wear for years. Then as a compromise when all done tske your family back to the little cafe you went to with your nan and raise a little toast. If she owned a real Chanel bag she be proud of your hard work and will be looking down on you smiling at your new improved self care and stylist clothes.with your new qualifications i think think your fsmily budget will extend to a weekly spin class. Exercise is positive pick an instructor who shares your music taste and you will be buzzing.
honestly some people on here you could be dead next year live a little while you can xxx

It can be very difficult to spend on oneself when you are so used to prioritising your family and the bills. I am due to inherit some money from my late brother and I feel almost paralysed with what to do with it. My situation is difficult so I won't really be able to give anything to my 4dc (all adult). I will come off uc but I'll still need to work.

I’ll be brutally honest. I don’t see having chipped fixed teeth and buying smart clothes as treating myself to be honest. You should absolutely be doing those things for yourself if it is of no detriment to your family. They aren’t luxuries as far as I am concerned and you deserve to look the way you want to. It’s hardly breast augmentation is it? (Still wouldn’t have a problem but more of a luxury IMO)

If I were you, potentially I would spend 50% and invest the rest with the idea to treat myself. You will be surprised how quickly you feel fulfilled after buying 3-4 nice pieces of clothes. I was given a good redundancy package recently straight out mat leave and i felt i want to treat myself as we had a difficult 3-4 years. After spending about £1k on nice and more expensive clothes (I hadn’t bought anything for years and years). I felt fulfilled and it’s been about 9 months and I haven’t felt the need to get anything else material.

my mums advice is always to keep half spend half and I think that would be a good idea here! It doesn’t sound like you’ve got total financial freedom so squirrelling some away might be useful just in case. BUT definitely treat yourself! And ENJOY!

I think i would do the dentistry and treat myself to a few new things and then maybe £1k towards starting to save a deposit. Dentistry could cost loads though- defo shop around.

Surely everyone is in agreement that OP should spend at least half of the money on herself?

You’ve already decided what you are doing with the money, go for it x

invest 1000 in shares-use AJ Bell. They are an award winning investment company. If you are too nervous then put the money in a cash isa or premium bonds.
splurge 1000 on you
Spend 1000 on something practical for you

always follow the 1/3 rule.

for my last bonus before I left to have a baby, I bought shares in AstraZeneca, bought a circular tree seat and bought a dryer. ( shares were £2.50 each and are now worth £13.50 each and I have several hundred)

100% get your teeth done - you will feel better and confident and you absolutely deserve it after all your hard work! I think you will regret it if you don't as you won't have a lump sum like this anytime soon. You wont remember a holiday you spent the money, on in a few years time, but when you are rushing around and under stress, you can smile at yourself in the mirror and admire your teeth. You're worth it!!!

OP, ignore the negative comments. You obviously posted as you're not used to treating yourself, felt a bit guilty and wanted reassurance. The handbag was a gift to you from your beloved grandma. You couldn't really use that gift so you are replacing it with other gifts that you want or need. If I give money as a gift I always say this is specifically to treat themselves - not spend on bills etc. Your grandma would want you to have something to enjoy and remember her by, I'm sure.

Have your teeth and hair done. Maybe visit charity shops to see if you can get some lovely clothes. You sound like a charitable person so this would be a win-win. Hopefully you will still then have enough left to go out for a meal or day out with your family in memory of your grandma. If you still have a bit left, try out the spin class. Enjoy!!

I am risk averse, so would save the money and save up separately for my teeth. But reading your replies, you’re happy to spend rather than save, so go for the teeth option. One thing i noticed though, is that you have booked and paid for a family holiday whilst only owning 2 pairs of jeans. I wonder if this distribution of family money is concerning to you? Maybe you should look into a fairer distribution, so that you can adequately clothe yourself (you talk of needing to buy clothes to keep yourself warm in the winter). A cheaper holiday and a few clothes for yourself might be a better use of the family money?

Someone once told me to remember you are also living for the first time. Just like your husband and your kids.
go out and enjoy yourself. Sign up to cycling classes, you may love it you may it but least you can say you did it. Get that dental work, buy those clothes. Do it and enjoy it!

My god so many mum martyrs on this thread!

Op has repeatedly said their lives are improving, they have better salaries & money to save every month. That's all talen care of.

Now she has this money given to her by her beloved grandma. Of course she should have dental work & a haircut & new shoes / warm clothes.

Why does a holiday for small children (which they're going on anyway) top trump her needs?

I can't stand this particular type of mum martyrdom. Op of course you should have dental work & clothes & they do not all need to be bought from a charity shop in a wealthy town 🙄

Spend your 3k and know your grandmother would be happy that your life is improved by her gift

Congratulations on your windfall, OP. You sound like you persevered to sell the handbag and got the price you wanted. I’m sure your grandmother would approve. I hope you enjoy treating yourself. It’s quite easy to spend a big sum of money and then regret it because it didn’t bring the desired outcome. That would be difficult for you. So here is my advice. I’d shop around for the dental treatment. You obviously want a reputable dentist but if you live in an area where houses cost £700k, your dentist may be high end too. I’d take as much advice as possible on this, reach out to different private providers and look at reviews and recommendations. Really do your homework. You might be able to save a few hundred pounds by seeing someone out of area.
When it comes to clothes, think hard about what you really need. What is your day to day life like? What do you normally wear? If it is usually jeans and a t-shirt don’t blow the money on a load of dresses you might never wear. Buy classics and staples - but better. Shop around, use Quidco or other cash back sites if buying online. Buy a great jacket (Whistles had some good ones in the sale) upgrade t-shirts to better quality. (& Other Stories have some great ones). M&S have some bestselling jersey trousers in an array of colours which are between £20 and £30. (They use good designers for trousers but more importantly make each piece in an array of lengths and fits so you can get the right pair for your body type). Choose colours you can mix and match. So find a trouser style which is modern and really suits you. Get the fit and length you like. Buy in (say) chocolate brown, navy, cream and either black or dark green. A great leather jacket (Whistles) would work with all of these. Choose 3 or 4 lighter tops to wear with the dark bottoms and a couple of darker tops for the cream trousers which will look great for summer. A few neutral tops plus some pops of colour -pink goes with all the dark neutrals. Ditto orange. The right shade of teal will also work. Stick to plain fabrics. Add interest with texture, costume jewellery or a bold, patterned scarf. Splurge on one or two great dresses or skirts and wear them. I love the satin skirts Zara had recently. You can wear the new tops with it and the jacket. Choose one great piece of cashmere for evenings/ colder weather-Palome is great for quality and price- they also recently had a Trench coat which is as good as Burberry) Splurge on some good shapewear for under the dress. This will give you a capsule wardrobe you can mix and match lots of looks and will last for ages. You can then add to it at birthdays/ Christmas. I recently helped a friend do this and she got a whole new wardrobe for £600. (2 whistles jackets, including a leather one, 8 tops -Zara and Other Stories - a fantastic dress which can be dressed up or down, a great skirt and four pairs of M&S jersey trousers, a fantastic longline waistcoat which looks great with the trousers and the skirt. She is really enjoying the new capsule wardrobe and looks great in it. Finally, a good haircut will make all the difference. Go for something modern and manageable. Ask your hairstylist what will suit your face. I think it will be transformative and with luck you will have £500 or so in the bank. Enjoy the odd spin class but get fit by regularly cycling or running and save a small fortune. Your kids and your husband will benefit from your renewed energy and confidence. Come back and tell us how it went.

In that case I'd get your teeth fixed (a low interest dental plan you now know you can pay off over time might be ideal?) Buy your self a good quality outfit. Take yourself somewhere nice, in your smart dress/suit/new shoes and raise a glass/cup to your lovely Grandmother. Enjoy yourself x

I think using that money for your teeth is something your grandma would want you to do. Money that is left could go towards a few pieces of classic, well-made clothes and some shoes that will make you feel confident.

Honestly, like others have said, 3K really is not that much and can get spent easily on things you won't even remember.

If you feel like treating your family, just make it fun and inexpensive but memory-making.

Just, please, don't feel guilty taking care of yourself, especially since your DH is on board.

@WoozlesEverywhere I don’t own any pairs of jeans but still go on holidays.

The interest building up in your savings” on $3k absolutely kills me. 😭 Unless she’s hiding the money in a victorian railway bond, the annual interest is going to cover about half a tank of gas and the emotional thrill of watching the balance go from $3,000.00 to $3,041.27.

Spend the money! I’m a high earner and consistently as mum put every single person before myself. You only live once and that was a gift from a family member. Spend it on yourself and what you want to get yourself. It’s a windfall, enjoy it! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for not treating your family! Or take them for a movie and a meal…..job done 🙃