AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

No most people take a little leap of that one time and put die. The house deposit because it makes financial sense and there’s long-term gains. A lot of people will also keep someone aside as an emergency fund. 1-2K will be enough for this, after the house purchase. Then they start saving again….

OP, enjoy your new teeth. I had composite bonding to repair chipped teeth and make them look straighter (whitening was also part of it) and I’m much happier. Mine was also just under 2K, but it was a few years back.

Oh dear. Looks like you’ve triggered a lot of people with this post OP 😂

@Hellosunshine92 once you have that buffer/emergency fund, anything above that can be spent as you wish.

Interesting that you don’t think it’s important but you are relying on your parents to have an emergency fund so they can bail you out if needed

Did they get anything from Granny or was it just the one handbag to you?

Good that they'd be happing lending you money if there was an emergency though.

I completely get this and my point is that there is just never a time in life to just use a bit of money for something for oneself. Especially when you are a young mother and the world tells you that everything has to be for the greater good, for your family and your kids. So I just posted this OP because of course there is a feeling of guilt. It might be just what society wants you to feel like. Fixing yellow teeth with bad chips that make you not want to look in the mirror daily is seen as ‘blowing’ money and being selfish that could have been used on others or life emergencies.

Op I don't think anyone is saying don't spend some of the money or don't get your teeth sorted, just that as you have zero savings it would be unwise to spend all of the money.

Keep a little aside for emergencies, or if you see something you really love. I'd want probably £500 minimum as you can replace most white goods or electricals with that amount.

I do think it is odd that if your parents don’t have much surplus either that granny left all her properties to charity

It is sad isn't it. I know inheritance is a contentious issue on mn but for a loaded dgp to leave all her properties to charity when her own dgd has bad teeth and only a rental seems so harsh doesn't it.
You wonder what goes through peopes minds when making wills.

My family’s financial situation is not a part of this post . The post is about 3K.

Yes but it is all relevant isn't it. Maybe explains why you do want to keep for yourself if used to such tight relatives.

It is not sad. My grandma has battled a very rare cancer for a long time. She also lived in a country where NHS doesn’t exist so the only way to pay for it was to pay in cash and by travelling outside of the country. I took her there to get those treatments. That’s where she gifted me the bag. Eventually she given a lot of money into a charity researching this type of cancer in children because seeing children suffering and getting the same treatments next to her broken her heart. I am constantly surprised how life is very black and white for people in the UK especially when you have certain privileges such as a free healthcare for example not to spend your monthly salaries on. Things are not this way in many other places in this world. For some posters in here it’s like it is always education, good salary, stable job, then partner and children preferable house deposit and house and an emergency fund. There is just no scope for how life can go in all different directions and that this is also ok and doesn’t make you a failure !

I appreciate all the suggestions and genuine advice without dragging me down and calling me selfish etc . I won’t be commenting anymore as posters are digging into be try sensitive and traumatic personal losses for me and thinking it’s ok to do so .

Op this is what I would do.

I would spend the 2k on the teeth. Spend £500 on some good clothes (coat, trainers and basics at Uniqlo for example)
I would spend 200-300 on a family day out or really nice toys for the kids. And save £200 towards Christmas.

It’s far too little to save for a boiler or anything like that and you’ve waited 17years to fix your teeth.

This really depends on your circumstances- eg if you own a house/flat, your emergency fund needs to be able to cover the boiler needing replacing or the oven just stopping working, whereas if you rent, that’s the landlords problem to fund. or if you need a car to get to work, then I’d say an emergency fund that means you can cover new tires at MOT etc.

For your situation, I’d say 3-4 months rent, bills, food money as minimum. This presumes you and your dh work on jobs that there’s lots of opportunities so could reasonably get a new job in that time frame. As DHs industry is pretty small, we always aimed for at least 12 months.

Id also suggest you need the value of your house rental deposit somewhere as well, so if you were given notice, you could pay the deposit on your new rental property before the current landlord returns your current deposit.

I recognise for many people in the uk, living like this is not possible. It’s just not an option to have thousands saved and not spent on just living now. But as you are in the unique situation of having a lump sum and now being able to save, I’d strongly recommend not spending the £3k yet, hold off until you have built up your family savings and then treat yourself with it.

coping from day to day is just normal for a lot of people but suddenly you have an option to do something different. Grab it.

Look like at your logic entirely on the guilt front and looking after yourself. I got braces when I was 25. But the reason I got them at 25 was because it made no sense to do it before then. I did it once everything else was sorted then I focused on me…
if I had 3K, at the age of 25 and that was all I had. I wouldn’t have got the braces. Because for me, the guilt would have kicked in straight away. Because logically, I know it wouldn’t have been the right thing.

People keep on mentioning a boiler but I do not even need a boiler I live in a rental flat where everything gets fixed for free ! Thank you ! I will do that and use 200 for some good clothes but I will wait for sales.

what happens if either of you lose your job, how would you pay rent?

Oh for goodness sake!

This place feels like another dimension sometimes.

OP, invest in yourself. Get your teeth done, some nice quality clothes and a haircut. Your gran would absolutely want this. I can't believe people are calling you selfish after you've been wearing the same couple of pairs of shoes and trousers for four years!

Where I do agree with the others is on the importance of an emergency savings buffer.
This is a separate issue though, and your new jobs will allow you to build this.
Aim for 3 months, then 6.

Even if you think saving for a house deposit is pointless, I strongly advise looking into pensions, ISAs etc, for your long-term financial security. Lifestyle creep is a thing, so treat yourself now, and each other/the family from time to time. But have a plan.

There's a good flowchart I've seen linked to on here sometimes. Maybe someone can post it.

I will say something now that I know will trigger a lot of people but I won’t be reading this thread afterwards. If that was to happen I wouldn’t hesitate and for the first time in my life I will see if we can claim any universal credit that can help us with rent whilst we are actively looking for a new job. That is what my husband and I have been paying towards from our salaries in our monthly contributions anyway for years.

I don’t agree with previous posters that dental work is a ridiculous, frivolous treat. If it’s repairing damage, then fixing it as early as you can might save you money , pain and hassle later.

It’s an investment in your health and professional appearance. If it gives you the confidence to work your way up the employment ladder, then it will pay for itself in time .

Why would it 'trigger' anyone? If you lose jobs of course you claim benefits, that is life, nothing is guaranteed. That's why it's always handy to have a bit put away for a rainy day.

You’ve already made your mind up which is apparent from your responses to everyone offering their opinion - which you asked for !

Op this is going to sound incredibly boring however...in your situation I would invest that money somerhng like vanguard USA s and p 500 or HSBC developed world index .
Wait a few years maybe sooner and then spend the money on yourself that 3 grand makes.

Some women realllllly HATE other women spending money on themselves, don’t they?!

so much martyrdom and internalised misogyny

I have been delaying this dental work for 17 years because my regular NHS dentist just doesn’t cover it!

Of course NHS dentistry doesn’t cover whitening and repairing chips! I’d be a bit annoyed if taxes were going towards cosmetic treatments. You keep making out that you ‘need’ the dental work for your dental ‘health’. It’s not a health issue, it’s a cosmetic one. Have you not noticed how many people have stained/chipped/crooked teeth?

That’s not to say there is anything wrong with having cosmetic dental work- I’ve had whitening myself. But I had £40k in savings which meant I felt justified in spending £500 on whitening. But I was never in any doubt that I was doing it for reasons of vanity- nothing to do with health.