AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

People calling me reckless and selfish when it’s not their money I am even spending. And it is not really some massive inheritance it is 3K. I do not buy expensive furniture, do not want to have a car as always lived in cities where transport was good or I could walk or bike. If there is an emergency 3 k won’t cover it.

If your first thought was to spend it on yourself, then spend it on yourself. If you're going to feel guilty, spend what you want on yourself and share whatever is left over as you see fit.

If I had a spare £3k, I don't know what I'd do with it! I'm so shocked and excited by the idea, that I have decision paralysis and it's not even a real situation!

Ignore the nay sayers. Blow the lot on yourself. You’ll start putting some money away for domestic emergencies now that you’re earning a bit more, but it seems you’ve worked bloody hard for this pay increase and your grandmother would approve of you spending her gift to you doing something lovely. If she had a bag worth £3000 it sounds like she appreciated the finer things in life.

I would book myself a room in a nice hotel in a city. Take a book, an iPad and get room service and some nice picky bits from M&S. Then get yourself a new wardrobe and a great haircut while you’re in the city. Put the teeth on a payment plan, so you don’t have to put a big chunk down now. Bloody enjoy every second of it.

I would get your teeth done and buy a couple of nice clothes then treat yourself to that spin class . If there’s any money remaining I’d put it away

If one of you lost your job tomorrow, that £3000 could be the difference between homeless or not. It would allow you to continue to make SOME payment so that possession orders, cut offs etc can’t be imposed.

The difference between renting & a mortgage is that if you suddenly lost your job with a mortgage you have options. 6 month payment breaks etc to keep the roof over your head while you sort things out. Renting? You can forget it, you’d be out with your kids and bags. If you genuinely can’t understanding why a mortgage gives you more security than renting you need to educate yourself.

You asked if you’d be unreasonable, the answer is yes.

Put the £3k aside for now as emergency fund and once you save another £3k, then take your £3k and spend it if you want to. If you couldn’t save £3k back then that’s all the more reason you cannot afford to spend it.

Do it. Please do it.

I will be able to find this money in case of an emergency. It’s impossible for me to lose my job as I work in a sector nobody else wants to work in.

That’s exactly what I am going to do. I have mentioned in my post that I have put my wishes and dreams on hold for a very long time in order to get to this stage. This was unexpected as I wasn’t sure the bag was even going to sell. I only used the bag on 2 occasions so I wanted to use the money to invest into something I can use constantly and also can benefit my health. I would cry if the money just went on some boiler or a washing machine or a couple of food shops.

I don't think it's wrong to expect to spend the money on yourself since no one in the family is in dire need and it was a gift to you. But your lack of savings makes me think it would be a poor choice to spend it all right now. I would spend a little but keep a fair bit back in personal savings until family savings had grown to cover 6 months of expenses. then I'd probably get the teeth fixed and but so long lasting accessories.

It could be the start of a house deposit.

If you rent why would you need to pay for a boiler?
No job is 100% safe
1000 teeth 500 clothes etc and save the other 1/2

And by “find it” I assume you mean debt or lending because if you could find it, you wouldn’t need to spend this £3000 on it🙃

What sort of job is impossible to lose? You can surely get sacked from any job or something else unexpected could happen. I find this all very strange.

You asked a question, you didn’t like the answers. You weren’t even looking for inspiration because you already know what you’re going to spend the money on.

I do not. We can ask a family member if it happened and was an absolute emergency. We are all humans and luckily we both still have our parents who care about us and wouldn’t judge. Oh be like but you did fix your teeth a couple of years back haven’t you, so that is your problem now.

Well some of the answers responded as if I was gonna borrow any money from them personally or that getting teeth fixed that are way overdue is some kind of selfish luxury when it is literally connected to a lot of other things health wise.

Which is still expecting someone else to bail you out, so you can spend your money on yourself rather than on security for your family🙃 do whatever you want, but don’t try to pretend it’s not selfish OP. Putting your own wants above ensuring some security for your children is a ridiculous choice, but you can’t ban stupidity clearly

so what ? I help other people out all the time in different ways. Investing into your own health and mental wellbeing should not be selfish or stupid. It should be absolutely normal. If you have problem with your health you won’t be able to support your children anyway. I openly talk to my children about things like that that everybody’s wishes in the family are important we are not just machines.

I would keep £1k back for savings.

I think this is a good advice. Thank you

As you’ve said that you’re spending £2k on the dental treatment, my advice to you is that you start a fresh thread on the Style & Beauty board without all the back story, saying you have £1k to update your wardrobe and ask for advice of where to start.

Hopefully it will be a much more positive dialogue and you’ll find some lovely things to treat yourself with.

A job that’s impossible to lose…🤣🤣🤣 oh it gets better!

Op from your posts, it does read like the money is burning a hole in your pocket.

Yes to spending it on yourself, no to spending it right now when you don’t have any savings.

Firstly get it out of your current account, put it in a savings account so it doesn’t get eaten up by an extra £50 here or there being taken.

Then save for a year. Once you and your dh have a pot for emergencies, you no longer have to hold this money for emergencies.

Ah come on now..... Why imply the OP doesn't get pleasure from treating her husband and children?
Surely you know as women we often spend our entire lives doing nice things for them?
And that it's never really reciprocated to the same degree. It's not selfish to think of and treat herself, for once!

It’s not “spare” though. Spare money is money leftover over after ALL other bases are covered. OP has very little covered by the sounds of it.

@Hellosunshine92 i would be very pissed off with my child if they had 3K and spend it on their teeth and then lost their job a month later only to turn around to ask me for money. Now it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help them but I wouldn’t be happy about their money management, and I would make that known.

Not wanting to spend it on anyone but yourself is an odd family dynamic. To me it suggests either a) the family budget is very very tight & there's never any money spare OR b) you don't get a fair share of what spending there is from the family budget.

If its a) I'd struggle to blow £3k on myself if we were struggling financially if b) think about what that means & whether you are happy long term. Blowing a small windfall now won't make up for long term financial control within the family where you are never allowed to replace your clothes etc.

My parents have always been nothing but proud of me because they knew how hard I worked all my life. Due to living in different countries I have never asked as much as to babysit my kids and have not borrowed a penny. If I had the kind of parents who would have been pissed with me for being in a vulnerable position for once in my life and were giving me a lecture on how I dared to treat my teeth a couple of years back hence the reason for my current situation I would have never wanted to see my parents again. I raise my kids exactly the same way that no matter what they can always come to me for advise and help and they will not be judged.