AIBU to spend all the money on something for myself. If so, what would you spend it on?

[Hellosunshine92]

I have had a very intense year. I worked hard, got an extra qualification that allowed us to move into a better rental flat in a better area so my children could be in a catchment for a better secondary school. I worked 3 jobs throughout the week and then studied in cafes between them. My partner earns a good salary too but until recently we were not able to save anything at all as everything was going on bills. Now we have a tiny bit of spare money (we haven’t been in this position ever).

I have recently sold an expensive item that was gifted to me by my grandma before she passed away. It was an expensive bag really beautiful but completely useless for me and my lifestyle. I sold it for 3000 pounds. I would really like to use this money on myself this summer . I have gone through 2 pregnancies, postpartum depression, loss of my family members. sleepless nights, endless house moves and constant lack of extra money. I just want to treat myself and invest into myself after all the hard work. I feel I constantly give to others and have given up a little on how I look/dress etc. My husband doesn’t mind it at all although we could have probably used it on another family holiday instead or started saving for a house deposit.

Aibu to think that sometimes it is healthy to just treat yourself. Also if you had a spare 3000 what would you do for yourself?. On my wish list is some nice higher quality clothes that I can mix and match easily and look simple but stylish, a new haircut and a high quality dentist to get my front 2 slightly chipped teeth bonded and teeth whitening.

I am not resentful at all and I also think it is a healthy example for my kids to show that mum can sometimes put herself first too.

Life is an emergency. Have you not seen the news? I worked hard to contribute more towards our monthly household income so that took a lot of time and energy. I often stayed up all night studying and then went to do a school drop off and went to work. I looked like an emergency because I didn’t put much effort into how I looked. This is my effort to give something back to myself .

So what - you worked hard? You had to give up doing and having things you might have liked ? Don’t you think that applies to most women on here ? Yet most of these women are saying “I wouldn’t blow it all on stuff just for me” I’d protect myself and my future and I’d share my good fortune with those I love.

if your DH got 20k and decided to use every penny just for himself , how would that make you feel about your relationship ?

Ok blow it on teeth for 2k and 1k on bits and bobs for you and you only. Who needs savings when you're in a rental doing 3 jobs to make ends meet.

What if your hubs sells his Granny's designer hand me downs and blows 3k on tats and teeth, that be ok? I'm sure he's had a hard time too.

If you hadn't have sold your bag then you wouldn't have had the money anyway to spend on yourself.
You could treat the family to a meal out to stop any guilt then spend the rest on yourself.
Me, I would buy a nice second hand watch that could be passed on and every time I looked at it I would think of grandma. But, if teeth would help your confidence do that as every time you look in the mirror you would still think of grandma and have the smile you want.
It sounds like you deserve to splurge

It doesn’t mean they are in any way better though as people? Or do you make judgement so easily and if a woman says she got herself a manicure she automatically becomes unreasonable. One of my jobs might be doing charity work to support people in absolutely awful situations and I give my time to this because I care. I do not even get paid for most days of the things I help out with. So what if I want to improve my smile that I struggled to come to terms with for most of my life ? It does not definite me as a person but you seems judgy and angry. Get a cup of tea .

You'd think if Granny had designer handbags she may have also had property and loadsa money to leave as an inheritance tbh. For such things as house deposits or similar.

teeth are not tats though. It is literally connected to your health and can affect a lot of other things. Plus having confidence helps mental health surely . My husband and I do not spend time arguing who is spending money on what and how we should divide it. We discuss our wishes and support one another. Surely every man wants a beautiful and happy woman next to him? Or he just wants to know that there is money for a new boiler at all times?

I’m not at all angry - actually I will admit to having a laugh at your expense - but I feel you are edgy and dismissive of others which isn’t nice

but yes I do think sharing with others is nicer than going out of your way to ensure that no one else benefits - that’s strange

You do know these are the same things the vast majority of adults and parents do… yeah?

You are a family with zero emergency fund. You can spend some money on new clothes and still put £2000 into an emergency fund.

As a parent and an adult with children, I cannot think of a single thing more important in these current times than some financial security.

How rude. My grandma had sold all her properties and given it to charity because she knew I would be able to earn what I needed and that I never wished to be extremely rich. She paid for my education that allowed me to travel and see the world so I had the outlook and experiences necessary to become hopefully a decent person.

AIBU to spend all the money on myself. That was the question. Yet you’ve already made your own mind up that you’re not and what you’re going to spend it on. Isn’t all this just going to take the tarnish off it?

I have mentioned earlier that 2 k is the cost of the dental work I want and need to get done. How can I put this aside if this is literally what I wish to spend the money on ?

just to clarify to all I have not inherited 300k and do not want to get my kids and ice cream . It was 3k.

Definitely mark your achievements. But if you have so little and rent with children, an emergency fund is a no brainer. Buy some nice pieces on Vinted or look out for them in charity shops. Get a nice haircut, get your teeth sorted.
But have an emergency fund.

What do you mean by no one else ? My husband wants me to benefit from it and my kids have got everything they currently need. Who else should benefit from it ?

True, teeth are not tats. It was just an example of what he may want to blow money on for his self esteem.

Would that be ok? You do all your jobs, you both scrat about for rent but if he just fancies spending 3k on himself youd say 'ok hun'?

It is a bit rude yes that she sold her properties and gave you a handbag I agree.

Teeth are connected to general health but I don’t think that applies to cosmetic treatments. No one got ill from having teeth that aren’t bright white, or having small chips on their teeth.

It’s ok to admit you want it done for cosmetic reasons. And it’s ok for some of us to say that we don’t think it’s the wisest way to spend your windfall. You asked what people would do with the money and we have told you. Doesn’t mean you have to listen to us or take our advice but then why ask the question?

You want it, you don’t need it. You asked if you were being unreasonable, the answer is yes. Why ask if you don’t want to hear anybody who disagrees with you? Perhaps next time just write in a diary.

And as a side note- kind, thoughtful, generous people are beautiful in a way that no dentist or clothing store can provide. Selfishness is a type of ugly that can’t be fixed so easily.

If he needed this done because he works with people and faces them every day and having a good smile would have really helped him be more confident at his job. If that was the money we were not counting on anyway and he went through a lengthy process of trying to sell the item himself (it took me a year to sell the bag) .Of course !! Isn’t that what marriage should be about?

Well given that you’re renting with no house deposit and working multiple jobs with children to make ends meet… she guessed wrong?

Yeah, I agree. This story is getting weirder by the second.

How awful that you feel the need to write it to another woman on the internet. Selfishness is a very very big word for what I described in my OP . Oh dear God.

@Hellosunshine92 you asked if you are being unreasonable and the answer is yes you are. But do what you want. As you say it’s not my money…but fwiw I think it’s highly irresponsible to spend 3k on teeth when really you can’t actually afford it.
Money in the bank ≠ I can afford it.

Did you forget about the “ all that I have I will share with you” part of your marriage vows OP😂