Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

There is absolutely no way his company would do this without some sort of evidence! He’s been fucking his colleague at work! How absolutely disgusting! I’m sorry you’re going through this but try to be strong for now. Get what you need sorted and cry and be angry when he’s not around. Around him you need to be calm but serious. This is the drip feed coming, they just kissed and tomorrow it will be she just kept wanting him and it wasn’t his fault. His dick just accidentally fell
inside her!! Be ready, the script has started. You’re doing amazing, keep being strong. You’ve got all us

god, so sorry OP. It’s just beyond belief that he won’t now just come clean and tell you the truth of it all.
he’s obviously been shagging this woman at work and it’s now come out. He knows you have seen most of the evidence of this and it’s actually cruel not to just be honest with you now. He has nothing more to lose. He seems to have some sort of cognitive dissonance about the fact that there is evidence of what he has done and about admiring it even to himself. It’s bizarre.

do tell your family and friends and anyone you can lean on for support. It his shame to carry, not yours. You are being very strong. Lots of love to you. These are the hard yards. It doesn’t feel like it now but you will come through this.

What a fucking lying weasel. There's no way on earth he was visiting a friend in crisis. He was cleary meeting her, to break it off or tell her to keep her trap shut.

Of course he's crying now he's losing his marriage, his bit on the side and his job. He wasn't sorry when you didn't know, he wasn't even careful about any of it.

So sorry you're having to go through this OP.

Your DH is a fuckwit and treacherous with it. You deserve better, and you've handled an appalling situation incredibly. He'll probably try playing the sympathy card now. He's a twat to risk his marriage, and an utter imbecile to get involved with a junior colleague that he manages.

I hope you have plenty of real-life support. ❤

He says he has a call with a Union rep tomorrow morning who is assigned to represent him. He claims to have seen no evidence nor know what it would be but says the rep was suppose to see the case details today so will go through it tomorrow. He won’t admit it but I can tell he’s worried.

Well of course he’s worried!

even if the sex at work is untrue, his messages you’ve seen to her prove the conflict of interest.

he would do well to quit on his own terms and start job hunting

I’m sure he has a very good idea about what the allegations are!!
More lies, sadly.

How are you feeling? He would do well to just admit the whole truth now, at least to you. It can't really get much worse.

I know that.

But when you fill in a Form E as part of a divorce, you would have to account for the money that was transferred out of a regular bank account to buy the B.

Suppose he'll try to lie his way out of it or blame her a bit more.

So he's also going to be jobless. He really is fucking you over.

He says he has a very strong redundancy package as he has worked there years and is on the older contract with very favourable terms. I said he would lose this if dismissed surely, which he doesn’t think is the case..

If he is sacked there will be no redundancy money, or even a reference. I am so sorry.

What a bastard

If a managed departure is going to be costly to them they may well prefer to sack him for gross misconduct tbh. I don’t think he understands how bad this is.

I would tell him that the divorce is happening so he may aswell be honest with what has happened at work so at least you both know what evidence there could be

i know of a couple who were sacked because they were caught on the cctv in the stairwell having sex. They thought the stairwell was safe

Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie OP. Everything!!

Dont fall for the BS crying. Hes crying cause hes got caught nothing about how hes hurt you.

Ask me how I know..

Take your baby and go far far away. As chump lady says....the walls in your (new) home will sing again one day.

Hang in there.

You also need to question why it has hit the fan at work so soon after you finding the messages

I would very much doubt he will get any kind of payout for being sacked. He’s in cloud cuckoo land.

Your husband is a liar and while thinking he's the smartest person in the room, manages to be dumber than a damn rock.

While it's going to be painful for a while, you are well rid of that asshole.

He's lying about the b stuff as well as everything else.

Wow, he really is a moron.

What relevance is a redundancy package when he's been accused of not one but two counts of gross misconduct?!
Which will result in instant dismissal without notice if proven.

I'd bet money that he's had sex with Bimbo at work, and that probably the conflict of interest charge is also true.

I was an HR specialist, companies don't go making these very serious allegations unless they have evidence.

Get ready, @Welshie2 , his whole world is about to fall apart.

Stay as far away as you can.

There wouldn’t be any redundancy pay/package if he was dismissed for gross misconduct. He would be dismissed without notice as well. He would only be paid up to the day he was dismissed (if that happens).

But he isn’t being made redundant is he? They aren’t putting him in a consultation period because they are cuffing staff back. He has been suspended pending investigation for gross misconduct. You don’t typically get a pay out for that. You get paid until your last day of employment and that’s it-because if you have committed gross misconduct you have not fulfilled your end of your employment contract hence they can sack you.
He doesn’t seem to be grasping the idea that he has colossally fucked up here in myriad ways.

In other words, when he sent her the message on your last thread saying no more personal messages, she did exactly as many of us predicted. She is not a bimbo. She has all the evidence that he has sexually harassed her, all the messages he didn't delete. She has everything that was on Teams or work phones etc. She has played him for the absolute penis led fool that he is. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

While this is shit for you now, after the divorce is final, you will be so much happier than with this idiot weighing you down.

Also be ready for the suicide threats ..

I would tell his family from the point of view of you being worried about him. Work, marriage and relationship all blown up at once. He is, quite understandably, going to be in the mental health gutter and (as much as a dickhead as he is), he needs real life support from people on his side too. Because he can't lay all that shit on you now.

True @Doesitneverend.But the issue for the OP is I think the speed with which he has gone from being a normal husband who she presumably loved , to this entirely different person. It will take you a while to catch up and get over the shock of this OP. And even longer to process it. I can’t recommend therapy enough -when you are ready.