Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

Hi everyone, I had so many supportive messages on my previous post which has now closed. I have started to implement some of the advice around finances etc. I’ve also filled this weekend with plans not involving my Husband. I said last night he was going at 100mph, and he is similar today. He has text me to say the delivery is arriving tomorrow morning and he can see if his parents can have DS so we can have some us time. I’ve told him I’m going to be out and he has just blanked me.

So thank you to everyone who is helping me navigate this. He is making it seem like everything is business as usual and that I am silly to be dragging it out in his words.

Wow. I'm glad you found out first and don't need to offer him support while they sack him for inappropriate behaviour at work.

And I'm glad you've got confirmation from an impeccable source that you are right to split.

I wish you all the best for the future without him.

Hi @Welshie2 .

Well, this shit got real very quickly, didn't it?!

As a PP said, he enjoyed the FA stage, now he's in the FO stage, and it's not so fun

My guess would be that he doesn't want to tell you about the 'false allegation' because its true.
I think it's that he and Bimbo are having a full on affair, and either she or another colleague has told their senior managers.

I would only tell him that you want a divorce tonight if you think you've found all the relevant financial paperwork.
Otherwise you could ask him what investments/savings you have if the worst happens and he is fired. Casually mention the B word, see what he says.

Good luck!

I’m so sorry, he’s definitely been sleeping with her. Then trying to manipulate you and blame you. Oh and bought sex toys to make you think he’s been neglected sexually. What a fucking pig! Do not let him squirm his way out. He’s not telling you why because of everything else going on? Is he for real? Because you dared to ask some questions about why he’s been doing? It just gets worse! Oh and he wasn’t with his friend at the weekend. Get away from him, get all your ducks in a row and get an sti check xx

Also pp are right. Please tell someone in your family so they can’t help and support! X

Ok. I did not see this coming. Do you think he really doesn't know what has been said? Wow!

It has consistently escalated with every post!

Are you okay OP?

I would leave him while he still has a job.

This mess at work could blow up massively any second if his appalling attitude generally to life is anything to go by.

He sounds utterly repellent. Nothing would get me to look at him let alone be a wife ever again.

As for this 'mate' he went to see. Pffft. I wouldn't trust him to tell me the time.

It’s not shit stirring. Someone has receipts.

I said two things to my ex husband who I was married to for over twenty years when I found out about his work shenanigans with a subordinate colleague:

1. This will end in divorce.
2. We will never be friends.

I didn’t tell him I was divorcing him, I got the best shit hot lawyer I could afford, and a week later she served him the petition, at work. Oh, to have been a fly on that wall. He back tracked, he stalled, but sheer bloody anger got me through. My lawyer was very expensive, but I got an amazing settlement, the house, his pension. She was worth every expensive penny.

Your stbxh is following a well worn script. Soon he will have “a breakdown “ let him.

Decades on, his behaviour has reinforced that I made the right decision. He’s a lousy father, he’s still playing the victim card. The woman he cheated with is now his wife, and she’s deeply unhappy. Do I care? Nope.

I’m very low contact with him. I’d prefer no contact, but adult kids mean we are forced to see each other a few times a year. I am civil, but avoid him if I can.

And we will never be friends. A friend has your back, doesn’t stab you in it.

I wish you well @Welshie2 💐

And the whole point of “those kinds” of investment is they can’t be tracked easily!

But there will be a paper trail ...

The money to invest in B came from somewhere. Unless he gets paid a LOT of money cash in hand, or he's money laundering, there will be a trail ...

This is excellent advice. Do not keep his secrets and shame for him.

Agree. Expose him. If you keep his secrets, well you’re protecting him. He isn’t worthy of you and has lost the right of your protection. He choose this path, let him stumble along it on his own.

I’d be making sure his family knew too…..all about the suspension from work etc. before he gets his version in

I told him I want a divorce and he just burst into tears. He said he will do anything to save our marriage. I said too late, I am fed up of the secrecy, dishonesty and disrespect. Said how it makes me feel that he’s in trouble at work and won’t even give me the respect of telling me why. He then got an email up on his phone which is his company’s HR department, it says he is under investigation for two things which are engaging in sexual activity on the company premises on multiple occasions and not complying with the company conflict of interest policy and reporting that he has a conflict of interests. He said it’s all lies and he will contest it, he is with the union tomorrow. I am in the spare room now and won’t speak to him further tonight.

I’m so sorry. You’re doing so well. He is an absolute waste of space.

He also said he got rid of the ‘B’ investment ages ago because he was told it was going to crash. He said he didn’t think to mention and that he has whittled it away here and there over time.

He then got an email up on his phone which is his company’s HR department, it says he is under investigation for two things which are engaging in sexual activity on the company premises on multiple occasions and not complying with the company conflict of interest policy and reporting that he has a conflict of interests.
Wow! He is in BIG trouble. What a scumbag. I don't blame you for going for divorce. I'm so sorry.

Well the HR email pretty much sums up what you suspected. What an idiot.

his whole world is crumbling. I almost feel sorry for him.

I think you will need to brace yourself for him having a breakdown as the reality of his situation dawns on him. Focus on your child and try to get him to focus on being a father. Your child will now be the only thing that links you so whilst going through the divorce just focus on that and developing a decent parenting relationship

So sorry. You have the support of all MN users.
This is just the beginning of a rocky road.
Please enlist the support of as many friends & family as you can. Be careful, he is probably quite desperate now.

Once it’s in a creepto wallet it’s effectively gone. Unless you have the codes there is no way of accessing it. It’s completely unregulated.

It’s not lies though. You’ve seen the evidence that he has been dicking about with a subordinate.

And they only have to believe it to 51% in employment cases - it’s not 99% certainly like legal cases.

He’s fucked. Get the hell away from him as soon as you can.

He’s lying.

Well. He fucked around and now he's finding out. Don't feel sorry for him, OP. If he could lie his way out of this, he would.