AIBU to warn a friend before visiting a very dirty house?

[SomeBastardHasSquashedAFrog]

I have a friend who I get on well with, after knowing her a few months she invited me around for a coffee adding “just excuse the mess”. I don’t usually care about people’s houses as I’m not house proud myself.

Anyway, it was bad, only saw hallway and living room at this point but the carpets looked like they had a full inch layer of pet hair imbedded into them, the sofas were all ripped and stained with mucky blankets thrown all over them and there was an awful smell. Funnily enough no actual rubbish or dirty pots anywhere in here though. Friend told me to sit down whilst she made coffee 😬 The sofa featured a huge Rottweiler laid right across it sleeping, I looked at dog then at friend and she said “just shove him out of the way” errr no 😂 so I joined her in the kitchen.

Well Jesus this is where it goes from bad to TV program content, there was stuff everywhere - open food, packets and wrappers all over, piles of dirty pots, dog food all over the floor (meat, not biscuits) and the smell was now eyewatering. Long story short she’d decided to use the little pantry room as a giant cat litter tray, when she opened the door the smell literally knocked me back which I’ve NEVER experienced before.

I was desperate for toilet and it was over an hours drive home so I thought I’d risk it there … you could barely get in the bathroom - the bath itself was stacked high with crap, stuff all over the floor, shit stains all over the toilet including the seat. I left it and came out the room to her stood there telling me to go and see the new curtains she had in her bedroom - well fuck me the upstairs of the house was much worse than the ground floor - there was rubbish EVERYWHERE, literal dog and cat shit on the carpets in various areas, stains all over the beds, empty coke cans and takeaway wrappers on her bed … honestly I’ve never seen anything like it.

Now, my AIBU … mutual friend has never been and we’ve been invited over this weekend. She is much more straight talking than me and is likely to tell her straight that it’s a disgrace. Do I
a) warn mutual friend before hand what to expect and to not mention it?
b) suggest to inviting friend gently that she might want to tidy up a bit before weekend - maybe offer to help but this sounds so bloody cheeky to me
or c) YABU - let nature take its course.

You would NEVER guess from meeting friend that she lives like this, she’s very well spoken and honestly I thought she was posh!

it sounds disgusting

I think you need to warn other friend and maybe together you can both help hoarding friend

it sounds a health haphazard and thank God she doesn’t have kids

i have clutter as in things and photos ans books etc but it’s clean and fairly tidy

def not food etc over floor /sofas etc

Here's another story. I was reported to the Sspca by a neighbour because one of my cats was unwell and she was doing very stinky poops in my hall which they must have smelled which of course I dealt with - my neighbours reported me. I had to let them in my flat. They saw that there was no issue but if I had been living in filth they could have removed my pets - they made that clear

They do have powers

It will probably backfire. A friend/colleague gave me the heads up on another colleagues home as we were meeting up there, I thought she was being rude until I visited the home, the friend was actually kind in her description, no rubbish, she’d tidied up but the toilet was caked in hard black weeks old skid marks, your bottom stuck to the grease on the couch, the carpet squelched. I wish I’d brought my own wine glass. Never visited her home again,

Did you drink the coffee though?? 🤔

And so they ah e clean beds and water and eating area and no flees para sites

I’m dying to know!

Should add that although he was a hoarder living in terrible conditions, mental health services wouldn't touch him. We tried.

Yes, but you can have clean beds etc for them and your house be in a mess.
They would also tell people to clean up before they took steps to remove pets. That really is a last resort, especially if the pets are well cared for.

I think the nicest thing to do is say im free on a day ill come and help you tidy up and get ready for having us round and bring some food over as I know how it can be stressful getting the house sorted for people coming round. If she has lived like that for longtime she will become blind to how bad it is and also wont smell the smell.

It actually isn't. I spoke to some people from the Sspca the other week who were doing a door to door campaign and reported householders because of the state of their house. They have the powers to remove pets out of situations like this.

I am completely for pets staying with their owners but they can't live in filth. Its unfair

Don't go god knows what bugs illness you could catch. There will be mice at least if not rats

Maybe Sspca work a bit differently to RSCPA. People have reported proper neglect cases to the RSPCA and nothing was done.

I don’t believe that

they can only remove if they don’t have clean bed and water and shelter and they do remove

Oh I know. You only need to look at places like Fripps farm to see that. Pretty sure the Sspca don't catch every case either but I got reported because my unwell cat did a stinky poop and I had to have my house inspected because of it

There have been cases where horses have been dying in fields and the RSPCA wouldn't save them. Go look up Jodie Marsh and fripps farm. Hundreds of animals living in filth and the RSPCA have done zero

They might remove but they can't and don't remove them all

There will be a reason

they defo remove household pets

I have known people with skinny old pets that were reported too. RSPCA happy with the pets. They were just in their twilight years and enjoying being in their garden
Cat poo stinks at the best of times 😂

I honestly couldn't go back to this house yet alone have a drink there or use the toilet. I would mention this to your friend who is due to visit.
I would also try speaking to your friend who lives in the hotel to see if she is OK and maybe try to help her get her house sorted. It sounds disgusting.

A couple of times in my life ive been in dirty houses and ive struggled to even sit down, let alone eat or drink

She was actually allergic to the food I was feeding her but I didn't know that at the time. Was only when I changed her food I realised. She was stinkier than all the boys put together

I really do hope the OPs friend gets support to sort her house for her and the pets

That was the same with my old cat too. He was allergic to so many things. He ended being given dog food as that was the only thing keeping his poos solid.

Yes, I hope OP's friend gets some help too.

They've done zero at fripps despite people reporting on hundreds of occasions and animals have died there. Yes they probably do remove household pets but they won't have the staff or resources to remove them all - there are people who have reported to the RSPCA and got nowhere

Why not suggest that you meet in a coffee shop or pub?
I would fore-warn the third friend as I wouldn’t want her thinking I found this ok.
I’d not be keen to go to a house with a Rottweiler inside where the owner is happy to leave you alone with it, they are presumably quite territorial and might turn if left with two people they don’t know?
Also I wouldn’t want to risk catching something.

They have to abide by animal welfare act - it’s probably that that need attention - they are restricted with horses

Makes you wonder if she was brought up this way and honestly does thin it's normal.

Does she come to your house, OP?

I though fripps farm was the rescue?

I can’t imagine they would be legally able to remove