Would you be annoyed if your mil arranged a party for you one week after giving birth?

[Dramallama13]

Would you find it odd/unreasonable/annoying, if your mil arranged a party to show off the baby one week after giving birth?

Party consisting of all mils friends and family at her house in the evening. Without asking you if you actually wanted a party.

Yanbu - that’s ridiculous
Yabu - it’s kind and you should be grateful

How would you feel if your own mum planned it for your family?

Personally I wouldn’t like it either way but wonder if because it’s your MIL that’s clouding your judgement.

Are you saying it’s gone something essentially along the lines of “I’m having a party for all my friends to meet the week old baby. Please come to my house at 7pm”.

I’d laugh and not turn up. There is not a chance I would even consider going. And the same would apply if it was my mother.

ETA - and I am not someone who kept people away from my newborns. My in laws and parents met both my children the day after they were born, as soon as we were back from hospital.

Maybe the advice has changed since I had my baby, but it used to be the advice that you keep baby away from people outside the immediate family for the first few weeks of life. I would not appreciate a bunch of randoms having access to such a young baby, and I would still be very much recovering from the birth and not up to entertaining others.

I would have waited until you’d cracked the feeding and until the baby had had its first round of vaccinations. But it’s a nice thought.

Haha no.

I'd think it was sweet but deluded.

She has no idea if you or the baby will be well enough.

Personally I'd thank her and then accidentally both me and baby would be far too unwell on the day.

Have you declined the invitation?

I’d wonder if she’d ever given birth herself tbh . Insane.

WTF?? You’ll still be establishing feeding, that’s far too much stimulation for a week old. I’m not precious about new born bubbles but absolutely not!!

Yeah I wouldn't be going to that. My mil had a small gathering at her house when my ds3 was about 3 weeks old (it wasn't for him though) and we went and stayed for a bit. But it had been a very easy birth, I had 2 other dc anyway and I was just tired and bleeding like a period at that point. If it had been for people to meet the new baby at one week old then no way.

Do u have a lot of immediate family in-laws (brothers, sisters) who otherwise would be trying to come visit u ? Is she trying to make it easier for u? But it would be much better if it was a few weeks down the line..

This happened to me.

Dd was 5 days old and I refused to go but was guilt tripped into letting some out of town extended family (who I didn't know) come to my house.

I had repeatedly told MIL not to make plans but was ignored.

Same happened with second dc. They were born just after xmas and MIL expected me to spend new years day at her house so family could see hog the baby. I refused to go and refused to let family visit. I'm still the meany who wouldn't show off the baby even though this was years ago.....

Don’t go. I would tell her to assume is to make an ass of u and me. Let her tell her guests that you won’t be there.

Talk to your HV and say you’re distressed. She’ll advise you don’t do it and you can say it’s on medical advice.

Just be honest and tell her you'll be there if you feel up to it.
End of conversation..

Yanbu. You need to nip the idea in the bud.

Definitely would not go. Be polite and say you are grateful for the thought and it’s lovely she’s excited to introduce DG to the world but you are still adjusting to the change in your life and these first few weeks it’s important you and DH bond with DG first.

I wouldn’t care about the party, the people etc
But I wouldn’t like the idea of being ‘organised’. Let’s do it by all means but at least let me have some input into the day and time.

What are your husband’s thoughts on what his mother is proposing? I suggest you tell him what is actually going to happen and let him manage it.

It's not a bad idea. Yoh can go for an hour , meet everyone and leave when you feel like. I actually did that for myself you are in control here. Saves everyone Popping in which I hate

Hello no, she's crazy. I was hardly even dressed when my baby was a week old. Emotions all over the place. I cried once trying to take a shower as I didn't want to be away from her. I certainly didn't want to be around lots of people. I wouldn't of wanted people trying to pick her up and hold her in that situation. She's nuts thinking that's okay without checking with you. I would tell her no and not go, she can enjoy her party all the same.

One week after giving birth I wouldn't have wanted. A bit later when she'd checked I was ok with it, fine

I think the problem is not that she wants to hold a party or introduce the baby to friends and family.....in some families this is how things are done. The problem is if she did not consult you about it to check that its ok with you and if you will be up to it.

‘That’s lovely that you want to wet the baby’s head MIL. Dh will make sure you have some lovely pictures to show them. If we’re up to it on the day I’ll FaceTime you for a few minutes. Look forward to meeting them all in a month or two’.

My family in the US do this a fair bit, they call it a Sip and See over there. I found it quite tricky to manage visits after the birth, so for me this would have been a good alternative but not with a week old baby.