Would you be annoyed if your mil arranged a party for you one week after giving birth?

[Dramallama13]

Would you find it odd/unreasonable/annoying, if your mil arranged a party to show off the baby one week after giving birth?

Party consisting of all mils friends and family at her house in the evening. Without asking you if you actually wanted a party.

Yanbu - that’s ridiculous
Yabu - it’s kind and you should be grateful

Your DH is a prick his body hasn't been through the mill and then some.
The MIL is a nut.

When my DS was born ( sat morning) I actually nipped home for an hour in the afternoon and drove him to see his Grandmother ( my partners mum)

She was so happy to see him.

The next day I went to pick up my older ones from their grandmother 25 miles away obviously taking the baby with me.

Admittedly no one had a party for me though. Feel as though I missed out now

I wouldn't be planning anything for anyone one week after they had give birth. If someone tried planing something for me at that stage I would be firmly declining.

But every one is different.

I was out having a pub meal with my mum 5 days after DD1 was born. Had cabin fever by then
Dd2 born on a Monday was doing nursery run with me by weds morning

DS I commented on above

This is sounds totally bonkers!!

Congrats...you're supermother! 🙄

Everyone might be different. That doesn't change the fact that no one should be arranging a party that you're expected to attend one week after birth...without asking you first. Especially when the attendees are not even your friends...they're your MIL's!

I’d hit the roof and just say no!

This is good advice.

Oh ffs sarcastic comments as I was healthy enough to be out and about.

It's a party . If the OP wants to attend do so, if she doesn't then decline. No issue apart from that.

Its an unusual idea and not one I've heard of before. But you never know OP might be sick if being stuck indoors by then and want to show her baby off as well. Nothing wrong with that

My MIL wanted to do something similar - she called it an “open house” day - basically she wanted us at her house for the day so she could tell all her friends/ family to pop in and meet the baby.

It was just because she was so excited and wanted to show off her first grandchild and didn’t want to impose on us so was trying to come up with a way she could do the hosting.

Before having my baby I would have been fine with this - but I really struggled with the newborn phase! I was super tired and anxious and felt overwhelmed all the time. My partner spoke to her nicely and said we weren’t up for it and she never pushed it. We just met everyone gradually over the first few months instead, in smaller doses!

That would have been a hard no from me. I was in no state to go to any sort of party (recovering from a tear), and all the advice was to keep baby away from lots of strangers to start with because of germs.

I would be very upset with DH for stropping about us not going - he's supposed to love and protect his tiny, vulnerable newborn baby and new mum wife, not hassle you for not going along with what was always a ridiculous plan.

How are things between you now, OP?

I would have said no. I would not object to the party per se, but a week after giving birth is to soon and I would get stressed just thinking about it. I would ask (insist), it was put back a month or so.

Absolutely not ok, not good for the baby without vaccinations/young immune system and horrendous for you only a week post partum and exhausted. I'd just say no. You're not up to it, baby isn't up to it. Just nope. Unless you want to, but it sounds like you don't!

Well at least now you know you were just a walking incubator to him and once baby was out, he was free to let you know your place in the pecking order

I don't keep people away from my newborn, but I like an organised schedule and I cancelled whenever I wasn't feeling up to it! You don't know how labour ect will go you might still be in hospital?! Or at home recovering! Do you like all her friends? There's no way I'd pass my newborn around to a bunch of strangers even if they aren't to your MIL.. how does your husband feel about it?

Sorry I've just seen your update! I'm sorry your husband didn't back you with all this, he's mad and clearly no idea what you've just gone through! I hope he gets his head wobbled and apologises!

Sounds alright to me but I wasn’t the kind of mum that stayed at home

I would have been fine if she had asked first and it actually included MY family as well and was during the day.

It all depends on how you and baby are, mum
of 5 here and all mine were very different.
After my first I was very apprehensive about going out in the first week because of what baby might catch, by the 4th I was doing school runs the next day (couldn’t with the 3rd as I was still in hospital).
It’s totally your call! X

How does it work to take a baby on a school run you can’t avoid but not to a party full of people you don’t know and hand the baby around? How does it work to accept your older kids might bring something home but they need to go to school, but not actually go and hand the baby to multiple random people who very likely aren’t up to date with their boosters including for whooping cough? Is that your actual question?

It works quite easily surely.

You do what you have to do - you don’t do stuff you don’t have to do. You apply common sense, limit exposure where you can and live with it where you can’t.

So when you say you didn't go, do you mean DH or MIL went with the baby? Trying to clarify because you then end your post with how you allow yourself to be treated without speaking up.

FYI your MIL is insensitive and ridiculous and your DH is an idiot. Organizing a party for someone without their knowledge a week after giving birth is just stupid and disrespectful and I would have shut it down immediately.

I guess it's fine to start organizing surprise parties for every woman who gives birth right?

What exactly is your point and how is it relevant?

Firstly different women have different experiences giving birth so because you were able drive to see your grandmother doesn't mean every new mother will be able to.

And even if I was able to drive a day after giving birth that does not give any body the right to plan a party for me and insist I must come parade a week old baby for her friends and neighbours, how the hell does that make sense???

The issue is going behind her and and planning a party for her to come parade among people she doesn't know without any concern about how she would be a week out or if she wants to or not. That doesn't mean OP can't drive or go to the store or do what she needs so your story is not even relatable at all.

Sorry to hear that, OP (from your update). I hope you’re doing ok now.

People can plan parties if they like And it's hardly a " surprise" is it as OP seems to know about it before even giving birth.

There's also no obligation to attend .

Nothing to get " annoyed" about

And the point is that not everyone is sat indoors doing nothing after giving birth.

Absolutely unreasonable. My mum organised a small birthday party for me 6 weeks after giving birth and I was only just about feeling human, I’d had a c section too. I would not have been able to face anyone, 1 week postpartum.