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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed if your mil arranged a party for you one week after giving birth?

177 replies

Dramallama13 · 15/05/2026 08:36

Would you find it odd/unreasonable/annoying, if your mil arranged a party to show off the baby one week after giving birth?

Party consisting of all mils friends and family at her house in the evening. Without asking you if you actually wanted a party.

Yanbu - that’s ridiculous
Yabu - it’s kind and you should be grateful

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 15/05/2026 09:21

It would be a no thank you. I have 3 children and wouldn't have had any fun of a party like that. Just no thank you!

stillhiding1990 · 15/05/2026 09:22

I wouldn’t be annoyed as I wouldn’t be attending. I would say that you hope they have a lovely time

Dragonplant · 15/05/2026 09:25

Absolutely no way would I agree to that. Far too soon after the birth and you and baby will still be very vulnerable. She sounds selfish and deluded. Tell her to wait til 6 weeks at least - honestly some people are so grabby with newborn babies!

DappledThings · 15/05/2026 09:25

I don't think it's completely insane in and of itself. It is entirely unreasonable for her to have organised anything without checking how you felt about it. I would have happily gone but she's mad to have assumed it.

SunnySideChaos · 15/05/2026 09:26

I attended my mil's 60th with a newborn (it was a posh do at a hotel about 2 hours away), the party was actually on my baby's due date (I always lied to my in-laws about the due date by about 3 weeks-a month as they acted completely bonkers with the first as my due date approached). I had my baby at 39 weeks and had an excellent birth, there was no pressure to attend thankfully, but I decided to go in the end. People did actually leave us alone and thankfully no one asked to hold the baby, but then again we weren't the reason everyone was there. Despite voluntarily attending this party (2 hours away and staying in the hotel overnight 1 week after giving birth) I would have said a hard no to a party organised by my mil (or own mother or anyone for that matter) to "meet the baby". I am really not into pass the baby around, which is precisely what this party would be. If anyone would have asked to hold our baby at my mother in law's party I'd have just declined, they were pretty good though and left us alone.

Just let the party go ahead and don't attend, mother in law can have her own celebration without you or your baby there.

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 15/05/2026 09:27

I'm sure there are plenty of women on here who will say they just got on with it after giving birth and were out running a marathon a few days after getting home from the hospital, but I was just trying to stay alive a week afterwards and there is no way I would be going to this party.

KeeleyJ · 15/05/2026 09:27

Personally I wouldn't want my baby paraded around like a trophy for a whole load of strangers getting poked at and handed round like a rugby ball.

I'm not a MN extremist type that wouldn't let anyone near the baby for the first 21 years but equally I wouldn't want people I don't know crushing and snottering all over them.

With that being said, that goes for both Grannies, not just the paternal one.

ButterYellowFlowers · 15/05/2026 09:28

I would consider it misguided but not malicious.

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · 15/05/2026 09:29

It’s totally unreasonable to set up a party for anyone without checking (a) he or she wants it and (b) he or she is available.

In the new baby circs, you have the addition of the M’s recovery.

One week is way too soon (and there is no option to pass the baby around even weeks later. Too many germs.)

‘I’m really touched that you want to show Mimi off to your friends. We are all so excited and thrilled about her. I could bring her over on <at least four weeks later>. would that be convenient for you all? ‘

don't even mention the one week party.

Monty36 · 15/05/2026 09:30

It is insane.

Theonebutnotonly · 15/05/2026 09:31

It’s absolutely ridiculous to arrange this without consulting you. Your DH needs to tell her it’s not happening, but you’ll be happy to arrange another date later on.

I'd want to nip this attitude in the bud now, or you risk years of her doing similar things with your DC.

CatsOnCushions · 15/05/2026 09:32

She sounds like a twat. I would ask her what on earth she’s thinking and tell her that you won’t be attending. Who the hell organises that without asking you? She’s crazy.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/05/2026 09:32

She shouldn't have arranged a party without checking with you first. You may not feel up to socialising a week after the birth, especially if you are still trying to establish breastfeeding and you also probably don't want loads of different people holding/kissing your new baby.

How does she know when you will give birth? Are you having a planned caesarian section or induction or is she just going by your due date?

How would she react if you declined her offer? Would your DH back you up?

diddl · 15/05/2026 09:33

It's surely for her not you otherwise your friends & family would be there?

falalalalalalaa · 15/05/2026 09:33

Insane behaviour. Just say no.

Spookyspaghetti · 15/05/2026 09:35

Congratulations your MIL is batshiz!

hlskj · 15/05/2026 09:36

My MIL arranged this for when my babies were 4 and 6 months. Wanted to wait for me. Massively unreasonable for yours to do this so early!

Shinyandnew1 · 15/05/2026 09:38

She can do what she wants in her house with her friends, but I wouldn’t be going.

Ask her what she was doing a week after she gave birth? My mum was still in hospital, I had come out but was in a right state-no way would I have turned up for this.

Your husband should have your back here and say no way… does he?

luckylavender · 15/05/2026 09:40

You and the baby are obviously not going & DH will sort it out.

CuriousKangaroo · 15/05/2026 09:41

Your husband should be putting his foot down on your AND baby’s behalf and saying no. You cannot work to any sort of timetable for at least the first 3-6 months. A week after the baby is born you will still be physically recovering from the birth, you will still be working on feeding with the baby and sleep will be all over the shop.

But also, it is mad to suggest that the baby should be meeting all those new people with their various germs and potential viruses a week after birth. I didn’t introduce mine to anyone outside of immediate family and my best friend until after the 8 week vaccinations.

OriginalSkang · 15/05/2026 09:41

I think that is actual insanity and I would laugh/pretend I thought it was a joke

TheBlueKoala · 15/05/2026 09:47

@Dramallama13 I can recommend using my go to for all this- and you can use it forever during your child's life:

" The paeditrican said that xxxx and I always follow medical advice".

Then she can say whatever she wants to but it would be hard for her finding arguments to not follow paeditricans recommandations.

godmum56 · 15/05/2026 09:47

DinosaurBlue · 15/05/2026 08:37

How would you feel if your own mum planned it for your family?

Personally I wouldn’t like it either way but wonder if because it’s your MIL that’s clouding your judgement.

first post nails it.

PollyBell · 15/05/2026 09:50

I know the general consensus is to hibernate till your children are adults but if i was able to medically no i would have no issue but I am weird and like my mil

Viviennemary · 15/05/2026 09:50

You're right. Just say I probably won't be up to coming so soon after the birth. So either go ahead without me or postpone it.