Would you be annoyed if your mil arranged a party for you one week after giving birth?

[Dramallama13]

Would you find it odd/unreasonable/annoying, if your mil arranged a party to show off the baby one week after giving birth?

Party consisting of all mils friends and family at her house in the evening. Without asking you if you actually wanted a party.

Yanbu - that’s ridiculous
Yabu - it’s kind and you should be grateful

In a way, it’s very sweet. But you do have to manage expectations - what if you don’t feel up to it/the baby is grouchy or ill? Is it a long distance to get to the party - ie could you realistically go for half an hour and leave if it got too much?

Christ, I could barely get dressed a week after giving birth first time round, I’d have been in no state to be guest of honour at a bloody party. Sod that.

Is there a cultural element? In some cultures, this is very normal - expected even. But YANBU if this isn’t your cup of tea.

It Would be a firm no thank you from me! Is she normally this thoughtless and stupid?

One week is nothing. My MIL organised a party for family and friends to meet my baby 2 days after giving birth and one day after getting home from hospital! We had the HV due out and received constant phone calls asking where we were as everyone was waiting. Reluctantly popped round for an hour to stop the harassment. Relationship with in-laws deteriorated from that day onwards.

No chance. My parents didn't even meet our DS until a week after he was born as we just needed some time to rest.

Yes I'd be annoyed. I wouldn't want to be showing my 1 week old to a bunch of strangers who could infect baby. If it was outdoors it would be more acceptable. My second did attend my first's birthday party at 5 days old but she wasn't the focus of the party, and I kept her to one side and no one touched or held her except me and husband. It was outdoors to minimise any risk of airborne infection.

I was bullied by a family member into having a gathering when DS was 9 days old. I was leaking milk and my hormones were all over the place. I did a buffet etc ….. and it was hideous. I couldn’t enjoy it obvs as DS was colicky and screamed the whole night whilst people drank around me. That family member is totally out of my life now.

I do feel sad looking back because I was so vulnerable and not on this planet (a traumatic birth) but I allowed myself to be dictated too so I could prove I was “coping” (which I wasn’t).

Don’t do it OP.

I would refuse to go, or if they came to me refuse to let them in- you have to have boundaries- who on earth is going to feel like parting a week after giving birth-ridiculous.

How far away does she live? Id nearby id send babe with dh for a couple of hours while i got r some shut eye

I just wouldn't go that's ridiculous

Who would send a newborn off for a few hours 2 hours away?. Bonkers response of the thread imo.

I would be annoyed if anyone arranged that for me and my baby a week after birth. Who wants to be social that soon?

It's ridiculous. Bad enough when people drop in for half an hour and stay for two.

Put your foot down. Had your mother in law forgotten what it is like to have just had a baby?

Yes. The baby will be a week old, tops. It needs its mother, not a party!

My ex MIL did similar to me!
I was only 17 when I had my son and we were living at her house while our place had building work done.
Less than 24 hrs after giving birth we left the hospital and the whole family were at MILs waiting, some had travelled 3 hours to come and MIL had laid on a huge buffet. She just failed to tell me or my ex about it.
I made my excuses to take my son upstairs to get him changed, but I sat up there and waited for my dad to come and pick me and baby up then I just walked out with him as soon as my dad got there.

If i had been consulted on it I would have said no it's too soon but would have happily agreed another date with her. I don't care if I came across as rude though with the way she sprung it on us. It was honestly horrible walking in to about 30 people wanting to play pass the parcel with my son.

I'd feel annoyed if anyone did this.

I know someone whose own mother organised exactly this sort of party (token family members, plus all of her own friends, at her house, without asking). She'd had a really difficult birth, baby was in ICU for a bit afterwards etc. She and her partner were seriously traumatised by it, as you can imagine. It was framed as a celebration of the mother and baby but she said it was transparently about showing off the new grandchild.
People she barely knew or didn't know – and who should have known fucking better – kept rushing up to her and breathlessly enquiring about exactly how traumatic the experience had been. She had to keep excusing herself and leaving the room, and left the party as soon as was polite.
Her sister had approached their mother beforehand and gently asked if she thought a party was what she'd really want/need at that point, and the mother took great umbrage.

Some people are really just all about themselves.

This is a “look how special I am with my Grandbaby” party for all MIL friends.
I would point that out and that it isn’t in the mother’s or baby’s best interests to be exposed to a load of germs at this early stage. Never mind the potential mental and physical health of the mother at 1 week post partum.
Your MIL is being extremely narcissistic.

I hope she's not expecting the week old baby to be present at her boasty party!! The germs 😮

Pretty sure my fanny was still on the floor after my lad...he was 10.7lb tho...deffo not unreasonable!

There's no way that I would let all her friends breathe over my new baby.
I might let her form the impression that I would be attending but I would definitely not go.

Mine hadn't even deigned to make an appearance yet by a week after their due dates.

Wouldn't have bothered me a week post partum going to something, as I wasn't convinced that my baby would die from having a few people related to her rather than a similar number of NHS employees around her, but I'd have probably curled up in the corner of a sofa and let them get on with it - I think we probably did go to MIL1's around that time as I certainly wasn't cooking and some free food that wasn't cakes or chips (the limit of XP1's culinary abilities) was rather appealing. As it was, I was doing the school run by day 3 with DD2 so had about 27 curious 6 year olds wanting to peek at her.

Anyhow, the baby might resolve the issue by just staying put.

I have twins and my MIL hosted the extended family one afternoon when they were a couple of weeks old. I didn’t mind, everyone wanted to meet them and it was much easier that way for a couple of hours rather than them trying to visit me individually. Everyone cuddled the babies and I sat on my arse eating cakes (and probably spent half the time upstairs feeding one or the other).

I wouldn’t have agreed to an evening party though. That’s mad and difficult. Can’t she move it to an afternoon?

I think it's very much a post-covid thing to keep babies away from people so after their first vaccinations. Or maybe it's crept in from America, because when I have my younger 7 years ago I was friend's who wouldn't do anything social with their baby until they had injections.

Whether or not this party's okay, surely most babies get exposed to a lot of people if they're not first borns. School runs, soft play, birthday parties etc.

However no one should be arranging it before the birth. You have no idea how you’ll feel or how baby is. Pretty weird to be arranging it now. It should be a casual, impromptu, day time thing if anything.

Yanbu. Tell her you wont be going ffs. How absurd.