Would you be annoyed if your mil arranged a party for you one week after giving birth?

[Dramallama13]

Would you find it odd/unreasonable/annoying, if your mil arranged a party to show off the baby one week after giving birth?

Party consisting of all mils friends and family at her house in the evening. Without asking you if you actually wanted a party.

Yanbu - that’s ridiculous
Yabu - it’s kind and you should be grateful

Why would she not have discussed with you what times and dates might have suited you? It’s utterly bizarre to think she can call the shots and I would feel no obligation in any way
to attend. I definitely would not have any remote even vague thought of going

I think if it was a day affair I'd try to drop in for an hour or so, but in the evening with a week-old baby?? No way. Very unreasonable of her to plan it for that time of day tbh, don't know what she was thinking.

Realistically there is a good chance that the child won’t be born one week after the due date.

I love my MIL but if she did this she would be getting a reminder I’ve just pushed her son’s big headed baby out and that I’m not getting out of bed. Enjoy the party and absolutely send it on my behalf but I am not coming and neither is DH. Tbh maybe I would say she can take my older two kids so we could have some one on one time with the new baby if she wanted, that might actually be alright.

Not on your nelly! A week-old baby being passed round her mates like pass-the-parcel? Minimum three weeks old.

Hard no. Hell would freeze over before I dragged myself (leaking out of every orifice) and my one week old out in the evening to be breathed all over by a bunch of strangers with no sense of personal boundaries.

Why should your MIL consult you OP? What concern is it to you? Oh right, you are the mother! I think your MIL must have forgotten that little detail. 🤔

I wouldn’t go.

I had a horrendous birth and EMCS with DS. We got home from hospital on NYE. MIL wanted me to let her take breastfed 2 day old DS (without me) to SIL’s NY party the next day so he could be handed round. He didn’t go, neither did I. MIL never forgave me.

I agree with this. I'd have been a bit bemused by the presumption but I'd have gone.

As it was, with my first I organised my own party for everyone to meet the baby at 3w old. It was fab, though I appreciate most peoples idea of torture on here. About 30 people came and it went on from early afternoon with afternoon tea and cakes to a BBQ in the evening.

Obviously that was 3w, not 1w, but I was out seeing friends and doing pub lunches, shopping etc by then so it would have been fine from a healing/mood point of view.

I had planned sections which were ready to refund from thankfully, obviously it's going to take much longer with a difficult birth. Everyone's experience post partum is different. I'm very very fortunate that I kind of pinged into motherhood without it feeling like a shock (such was in itself a shock to me), but a lot of mums find it hard to adjust, have PND, struggle with the lack of sleep etc, so it's best not to assume. There are no prizes for recovering quickly and everyone's experience is unique to them.

Although I wanted this party and knew when baby would be born, even I wasn't daft enough to book it before I saw how we came through birth/the first few days!

I adore my MIL. But one week postpartum I was bleeding, still sore from stitches, trying to establish breastfeeding (and overall I actually found breastfeeding a piece of cake but at a week was still figuring it out). And by the evening I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed. Not put on vaguely presentable clothes and go out.

But that’s not even the whole issue - even if you’d like it, would you like it arranged and presented to you as a done deal?

Ok so I would annoyed at the one week part, that is too soon, she needs to wait longer. But I think it’s fine to have such an event but it should have been discussed and agreed with you beforehand and most importantly you should get a big say in and final veto on any date.
given several people are coming I would expect her to wait several months rather than just days so that you can get in a rhythm first and recover yourself

That’s interesting. I’ve heard of “Sip n See” but I always thought it was to view wedding presents, not babies.

lol who does she think she is? Strong decline. The entitlement is unreal. Silly woman

I didn't call mine that by the way!

It was just a party for people to come and meet the baby and celebrate me not being pregnant anymore (rough pregnancy). As it turned out lots of people vote presents which made me feel a bit awkward because that was not the intention behind it.

It was in the summer and it was a lovely day so it turned into a really nice garden party! I was really pleased I'd managed to figure out baking with baby in the sling, to make a couple of cakes for it. Such good memories.

It's her party not yours. You don't have to go and neither does the baby.

Utterly ridiculous

Hahaha no. A week after my due date I was just home with a 3 day old baby, bleeding, crying and struggling. On a purely practical level I was getting midwife visits at that point so wouldn’t be able to go out for extended periods anyway.

Yes. I would have declined

I wouldn't like it and i had parents and in laws at the hospital with my first.
After delivery obviously not hanging around.
I do remember when I had my 2nd we were out for a walk and a lady drove past and she stopped, she said she was a midwife and what was I doing out, she had mistaken me for one of her mums 😂. This was 35 years ago but it is good advice to stay away from crowds and crowded houses for a while.

Very sweet of MIL
Realistically you don't need to cope well with that.

Thank her and organise to zoom the group at particular times through out their party.. baby just after bath, baby in DH arms, sleeping baby.
(If all is going really smoothly that evening, you could surprise them with a walk through with baby in the pram.
.
Don't feel pressured; just do what you want.
The baby doesn't need to be exposed to all those people before having some vaccinations.

It's really great that the time is set for the evening.
Easier to say you are genuinely tired etc.

Well after 2 weeks post partum I was a sleep deprived, emotional, dishevelled mess. I couldn’t manage a visit downstairs to see two of my DH’s friends who had dropped by. Everyone is different but absolutely no way would I have wanted to go to a party regardless of who was throwing it

You just say no surely?!

I was still pissing myself, bursting into tears, fainting from severe anaemia at that stage, and the baby was cluster feeding / going through witching hours at that time of day. So I wouldn't have felt up for it in any way whatsoever

That wouldbe a hard no Fromm me too! I was heavily bleeding still at that time, establishing bf which I absolutely refused to be a spectator sport, the baby will be teeny still and it’s just a ridiculous idea - get your DH to tell her to not expect either of you