This is just for the OP. I know it’s too much twaddle and I hope you find a small bit of it helpful, @Lemonmeringue76 .
OP, I’m saying this very gently, as someone who is their mum’s favourite person in the world: please be careful about how you express your feelings to her, and please, do not immediately answer with “I’d never say any of this to her!” (People on here say this defensively sometimes, but you’re not being accused of anything, I promise).
I’m sure you have a level of emotional intelligence to tell when you’re doing something that makes people sad, and I’m sure your daughter can tell as well. What you’re describing about boys “leaving” home and girls “staying closer” has so very much to do with the way we socialize girls; they often stay closer to home out of subconscious or conscious guilt and obligation, or because they’re simply too frightened of starting over in a new location with no support network, precisely because they know how much harder that is for women.
It is a modern tragedy that men accomplish their dreams and often women, who are just as capable and full of dreams, get stuck as society’s de-facto caretakers, staying close to their own parents. My male friends were doing things like Japanese exchange programs and going to a specialized boarding school abroad at age 16. Many of my female friends have only left this country to go on holiday and they’re in their 40s.
The fact that your daughter feels free enough to “leave the nest” (returning home for over 30% of the year is not leaving the nest) at this age should be a celebration for us all, one tiny sign that maybe things are starting to get better, after an entire cohort of people who needed to return home into their mid-20s to get the moral support to survive.
And the fact that cohort exists is not a happy thing, OP, and it’s a little concerning that, though you may not realize it, this is what you said in one of your comments: you wish you were poorer so she’d be forced to stay closer to home??? I think that’s talking hogwash and you will realize after the disappointment wears off how thrilled you are that she’s so happy and settled and doing well, even though you wish it was closer.
You’re experiencing a severe disappointment right now, you are allowed to feel absolutely as sad as you need to, but try to keep things in perspective or your sadness will become a much deeper thing, and then I really, REALLY would recommend seeing a counselor. They can help you with these feelings and hopefully help you reframe them as feeling like a loving and successful mum (your daughter feels safe! She’s growing up and doing normal things! The shadow of the pandemic didn’t destroy her, like it did to so many others! Give yourself a very big pat on the back, even though I know you’re hurting. 💐 )
I would gently say that if you really feel you are missing the present because you’re yearning for the past constantly, this might be a good time to start seeking that counseling. You deserve to be happy in your past and current accomplishments as a woman, a mum, a worker, a friend, (maybe) a romantic partner, and a million other things; it’s a shame if anything is blocking that happiness. ♥️