Feel absolutely devastated my dd isn’t coming home this summer

[Lemonmeringue76]

My dd is not coming home from uni this summer, even though the holidays 4 months long. All my friends’ children are; all over social media I see posts about not long until they come home and his all these parents can’t wait. We had such a lovely summer last year - a holiday, spa days , lunches and shopping. I had it in my head I’d get two or three more summers until she had a full time job and would move away.
I was getting so excited and now I feel so down about it. I keep thinking I am literally the person paying for her rent in her uni city and I have paid to make myself this unhappy.

My DD is in Canada at uni. She finished end of April and is staying out for 2 extra months to enjoy herself.
She is home for only the month of July, before flying back again.
We havent seen her since Xmas.
But she is having a ball and enjoying her independence.
I hardly saw my mum at 20. I had a life.
You need to get your own life.

Ah OP, it's normal. It means you've done a good job really. She's independent and it's a good thing. Can you visit her for a couple of days maybe? Hotel type of thing.

Don't tell her you think she owes you because you're paying her way. Those are feelings to squash.

She might have met someone and have the oxytocin thing going on.

OP my son decided not to apply for jobs at home this summer. He has decided to do a research project at his uni instead. I am a bit sad and disappointed not to have a long summer with him but I understand his reasons. I will help towards costs and congratulated him on his plans.

It is hard for us but we have to let them launch and live their lives. He will come
home some weekends and I will visit him. It’s not the same ofc. But you need to celebrate a healthy and bright child who is moving on and not mourn it. Please don’t show her your sorrow.

she's very lucky to have a mum who cares and who pays her rent. I get that you're upset but as others have said this is actually a good sign in terms of her independence.

My DD has got a job overseas so I won’t see her. I’m really, really proud and excited for her that she’s independent and making her own way in life. You have to let your DD live her life free of any expectations.

Mine went to uni. I moved on with my life, got new hobbies, a new job and a more active social life.

Try and move forward @Lemonmeringue76 . Feeling devastated is extreme over this.

This

I think it’s a shock for you but you sound a bit full on - she must be at least 20
by now - she’s an adult

She had a job at home that she came back to in the holidays and had also got a part time job at uni which she will be able to do more hours at over the summer. I am upset she’s giving up her home job as she’d done it for years and it was very flexible and always there for the holidays.

Kindly OP. She's an adult and branching out into her own life. You've done a great job.

and get a life of your own

It's just part of her becoming independant but I can understand you are going to miss her.

Can you do as another posters suggests and spend some time with your friends instead?

Try to imagine all the Facebook parents having their homes “treated like a hotel” and their kids laying in bed all day

Be happy you've raised a child that's successfully starting to launch. Isn't that the point?

Aww that’s sad for you. People telling you to get a life and implying you don’t have friends etc - cop on to yourselves. This is a normal human emotion when you’ve spent years nurturing kids. It’s normal even if you’ve adjusted fine to them going away to uni. It’s a big transition. On the plus side OP, it does mean you can plan a holiday just for you and do what the hell you like - lean in :)

I would love this. My adult child is 27 and still here with no end in sight due to mental health issues. My one wish is that they all leave home.

Id be happy for her. My DS went to Europe in first uni holidays. 6 weeks working in summer camp then travelling.

2nd year he was working in his uni town. Then off to Asia for a bit

Im happy he got to do stuff rather than just spend months at hone

Ive barely seen my 18 yo since he left for uni in September. The most amount of time he's spent back home is about 2 hrs. I miss him terribly but try to forget about it otherwise it would get to me too much 😢

Do you know why I stopped going home for the holidays?

because my mum wanted to go shopping, lunches and spa days.

she enjoyed it, and thought we had a lovely time. Me, not so much.

are you sure that’s what she enjoys?

so I stayed in my uni city and caught up on stuff, went to McDonald’s, to the gym, saw my boyfriend, did the stuff I wanted to do.

my dd isn’t coming home this summer break either. She is in another country though, on a scholarship. She is staying to catch up on scholarship stuff, spend time with her boyfriend etc.

We have been to visit three times this year.

I would be delighted. I’ll be paying £750 a month for an empty room in a house share all summer - id rather someone made use of it! This is what our children are supposed to do - mine is off travelling in her holidays and only home for a couple of weeks. I’m so happy she is independent, happy and getting out and seeing the world. This is why we have children, not so they can keep us company.

find some hobbies, fill your own time with interesting things to do and you’ll be much happier.

Awwww I’m sad for you. I’d feel the same. Can you visit her perhaps?

She’s giving up her home job as she has a job where she’s at uni, which if she comes home for 4 months she’ll in all likelihood loose! Stop being poor me and let her be the independent person she is entitled to be!

What a spiteful and cowardly response. Pathetic.

There's only one thing that made me look for reasons to stay in my uni city during the holidays and that was my mother!
By the time I was 20 was had had enough of her needs coming ahead of mine so I started making changes

My thoughts exactly

I never went 'home' for uni summers except odd weekends. I worked, socialised with work and uni friends for many people its the next natural step to being an independent adult

omg that’s so mean she loves and misses her kid wtf is wrong with you??

That’s the reality for many.

Made me realise how bad I was when I came home in the holidays. Little bit of karma for me 😂