To wonder what this school mum has been saying about me

[Aintgotnomama]

There's a school Mum that I've known for a few years. She's recently been acting strange around me. I suspect I know why and I'll explain shortly. I've also noticed that the other mums who are close with her have also being acting strange with me. They are giving off 'mean girl' vibes and it has me pondering what on earth has been said to them.

We all see eachother a lot due to clubs, parties, school runs etc. I'm happy to say a pleasant hi/bye, keep it simple and will continue to do so.

They have all been incredibly hostile for a while. I've ignored it and focused on my own happenings as I have too many real problems in my life to give this too much head space however, they are really rude and it's getting a bit weird.

I suspect this behaviour has stemmed from me missing the 'main culprits' childs' party. Of course it wasn't a great thing to do. I mixed up my days thinking the party was on a Sunday when it was actually the Saturday. I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond.

In my defence, I had 5 different kids parties that month, including my own child's to organise. I was 4 weeks into a new career and up to my eyeballs with training. I have a demyelinating chronic disease that flared up and hospitalised me for 2 days that same week requiring some invasive treatment and my head was all over the place trying to juggle everything. A mixed up in days was an honest mistake given the stress I was under.

I then noticed I was deleted on fb by bday Mum and a few others. Fine, we weren't that close so it's understandable. They also left some joint WhatsApp groups.

Then came the more hostile behaviour from bday Mum. 'Growling' acting 'standoffish' going to weird lengths to avoid contact and interactions. The other parents in her circle started behaving the same way towards me.

It's all a bit bizarre really and I won't be acting on it because I'ts all very batshit and have real life problems to deal with.

But aibu to find this all very childish and unnecessary? I really can't understand why grown woman would feel the need to act like this, especially the ones I don't really know and are following what the bday Mum had told them.

They sound awful. However if I missed a party I’d actively drop the present off for the birthday child. If you don’t do that then it looks like you deliberately didn’t go and hadn’t bought a present.

If the party included her paying for your child’s activity then I’d just offer to pay for that, since you accepted the invite. If it was a case of party package which she would have had to pay a minimum of set attendees but only so many was invited then I’d tell her it’s not that deep. Them sort of mothers have got too much time on their hands to take things into their own personal time and bitch. However, if you had got the child present and card then I would have handed this over on Monday after school run just to show you had intentions of going but mainly so that the child received their gift from their freind (your child).

You are better off out of it. Sounds like hard work. You can survive the school years without being good friends with the other parents. Get your child to take the present into school and give to the birthday boy/girl.

And yet it is an expression common to the west coast as many other pps have also said.

The context is key. What is being spoken about, in what setting, in what tone. Many words have a slightly different (or totally different meaning) depending on context. Its not too hard to work out what is meant when the wider conversation is considered.

Op you had been in hospital. Yes it’s a bit annoying when people forget but worse when they cancel on the day to say x doesn’t want to/can’t come. I wouldn’t hold it against you. Yes maybe sending the gift would have been helpful but the child is probably blissfully unaware. I guess you have two options speak to her ask if she is holding a grudge explaining you were in hospital etc or just be extra nice and hope they get over it. It sounds like they have done you a favour by distancing themselves.

Someone will probably be along in a minute to tell you it's highly offensive to Muslims and as bad as saying the N-word #mufti

I am originally from Glasgow and totally understand what you mean by growling.

I wonder if something more than just forgetting a party happened, as it seems a bit of an overreation. However, if they can't act like adults about it, they're really not worth bothering about.

If it's bothering you and you want to know, the best thing to do is to ask them

You'd think no they would at least read the OP comments 🙄

Immature bunch of school kid mums, you are worth more than their so called friendships, dont worry about them.

You probably could have offered to pay and bri g present on first message.

It may have seemed like you were too focussed on your own kids party that you forgot about the friend, as they dont know why.

Do people pay to attend parties these days?

In my day it was the party parent's responsibility to organise and pay for everything - guests just had to turn up and bring a present.

I would make them feel bad.
"Why are you scowling at me? Is it because I missed sproglets birthday party when I was just coming out of hospital. Bit harsh hen"

The thing is, at least you know why you’ve pissed them off… I appear to have annoyed a mum at school and have no idea what I did! Whenever I pass her and try to interact, she either almost grits her teeth at me or looks down/away. It’s the weirdest thing.

My DH went with DS to her DS’s bday party a few months ago and spent half the time talking to her DH about politics. They had totally opposing political views (her DH was a Trump lover and Reform voter) BUT my DH greatly enjoyed the conversation and they got along all the same. She apologised in a text after about her DH and I reassured her it was fine, my DH really enjoyed it etc. Ever since she’s been weird with me…

So yeah, the obvious solution for you is just stop trying with them. Why even bother? You had a lot going on, you’re human, you mixed your days up (although I definitely recommend setting google calendar up!!) and you apologised as soon as you realised. She’s a dick.

@tommyhoundmum it used to be a term on here used for those Queen Bee school mums like the one OP is describing, especially when they turn the others against one person and isolate them. It was used for a lot on here for a while but I can see why it might have fallen out of use and it’s probably better that it has - it was giving Wendies a bad name 😊

@Kitt1 Are you absolutely sure? I think nettle is actually correct.

Can you try again, all I can see is your bold text that says:

I seen the bday Mum make a fb post, on the Sat and realised my mistake. I instantly messaged the Mum to apologise. Bday Mum didn't respond

That doesn't say what OP actually said, does it? Which is why I've said, four times now, that missing it doesn't matter but the message CONTENT is important. I'm not going to be patronising enough to go back and repeat it here in bold, you're welcome to go back and look though.

How do people tell the difference between a ring you put on your finger and the ring of the phone? Are people confused between fair and fare? How do we all cope?

Colloquial term in Scotland for scowling/ drawing dirty looks at a person etc

Never mind growling, these posts have me howling 🤣🤣 I wish Mumsnet would bring the laughing emoji back.

Anyway, don't mean to derail OP. These women sound awful. Please don't give them anymore energy. Just laugh at them. Silly mares getting their knickers in a twist over a party 🙄

Nothing like a school mum clique to turn a molehill into Mount Everest! As PPs have said (not the dullards still wanging on about growling), at this point you either develop rhino hide and fully put this nonsense into your rear view mirror, or you take Chief Growler aside and ask her what’s going on and see if you can work it out at least so the silly behaviour stops. Those are the (sane) options really!

I think I'd probably have to find a way to mention to one of the other mums what actually happened, how you mixed up the days and the genuine reasons behind the mistake. I wouldn't mention the bday mums reaction to it just your side of why it happened, if there's another party coming up then it should be easy to get it into conversation naturally "I've got little Ben's party on my calendar with a reminder set after the awful mixup with bitchy twats DCs birthday, I mixed the days up after being in hospital for 2 days etc" also throw in the immediate same day apology but done mention the lack of response or following behaviour.

However this is me and I have a strong sense of injustice and like to have my side heard! You are absolutely doing the right thing by ignoring it and staying civil with your saying hi/bye and even if you do get your side across and some of the other mums start being friendlier I'd still just keep it civil and polite and no more than that because frankly it's batshit crazy childish behaviour over a total non event.

Your life is much better off without these people in it OP; they did you a favour!

I agree. The 1753 poem includes "...grasp the nettle........grasp it like a man of mettle..."

😂😂😂

It’s definitely “grasp the nettle”. “Mettle” doesn’t even make sense in that context.