Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

Yes I remember that too. Especially if it was someone in the congregation getting married. I always used to like sitting in the balcony.

Weddings - unusual but absolutely fine.

Christenings/baptisms - expected. As others have said, it’s a public declaration of faith and the congregation commits to helping the family to bring the child up in the faith. It’s rare now to have christenings as separate services (DH is a vicar and he refuses to do them) both because the whole point is welcoming the child into the church community and also because he is already doing two or three services on any given Sunday so it’s too much to do another separate one. I’m glad our local school doesn’t require attendance/baptism as that seems to bring out so many people who are willing to lie their way through the process just to “get it done”. It’s very demoralising for the vicar.

So are you saying the bit in the church is pointless ?

I would if it was a friend or neighbour and was village church. Just to see them get married. Then I would leave. In fact I would prefer to just see them married and go home for any wedding! The rest of the day especially far from home are boring as fuck.
If you don’t want the general public being able to attend, book a hotel etc. Not the local church.
I can remember having to attend church for my wedding bands being read out. I attended 3 christenings of people who I didn’t know. I thought was lovely as the church was full.

Well what on earth was the point in having the child baptised if they don’t normally bother with the church. It really pisses me off that these people want to use the church for weddings and baptisms just for show.

Yes, people came to my mum's wedding who weren't invited to the reception, acquaintances like neighbours or work colleagues - she said it was pretty normal to do that and she would have done the same for them if they were getting married.

My friend had a problem with 'professional funeral attendees' though at the club she works at. They often host wakes and you get the same groups of people who attend every funeral and help themselves to the buffet/free bar!!!!

As York Minster isn't a parish church, I would imagine they had a Special Marriage Licence.

There is a set of rules for weddings in parish churches - for instance, if you live in the parish and the wedding you're planning is permitted in the Church of England, you have a right to get married there. If you want to get married anywhere else that is a C of E place of worship and is not your parish church or your future spouse's parish church, you actually need permission from the vicar of your parish church. To have a wedding that's not open to all members of the public in a C of E place of worship, you need a Special Marriage Licence.

(This information isn't complete because if I went into all the detail - even if I knew all the detail - it would be very boring.)

Quite common in some communities. My Mum came along to the church service when my best friend from school got married in our local church. The church capacity is very rarely the limiting factor in wedding party numbers. I’ve been to other weddings where family friends have done the same.

I can’t imagine travelling any great distance just to watch a ceremony myself though.

My late DM was a regular churchgoer (as was I, although I'm now a different denomination) and always used to say you could tell which parents were regulars in church or not, depending on whether they called it a Christening or a baptism.😂

I remember as a child in Scotland that loads of people would come to stand outside the church when the bride arrived and also when the couple left. When they left there would usually be a "scramble" when someone from the wedding party would throw a handful of coins and the children would all try to get some.

Baptisms are sometimes held privately when there is a medical problem relating to the baby or, occasionally to the mother. If the baby lives then there is often a receving into the Church at a later date. I was such a baby.

Baptisms and Christenings are a welcoming of the child into the church, so for other members of the congregation to be there shouldn't be unusual. Weddings are meant to be celebrations of the uniting of two people who are part of the church so again shouldn't be shocked by it. Funerals is a celebration of life and the onward journey or a church member - again shouldn't be a surprise if the congregation there.

Just before lock down my Mum passed away her funeral was a full on catholic job, we invited anyone for tea and coffee afterwards in the church hall afterwards The Church itself which wasn't a small one was absolutely full to the rafters and we were so appreciative even if we had to stand outside thanking everyone afterwards, we then moved onto the Crem which was invite only and back for the main function to the church hall again invite only.

My daughters baptism was part of a Sunday service which is pretty common for catholics.

I used to work for a funeral director and it amazes me how many funeral notices in newspapers now include details of the wake. I always discouraged families from including that information in such a public way to prevent random people turning up for a free meal.

Our Church often has weddings of couples from other parts of the Benefice simply because our Church looks better on the social media photos, not having been 'modernised' like others! We don't mind, we get the fees and as the saying goes, Every little counts.

You are the ignorant one here. It was a common custom once and churches and all services in churches are open to everyone. Are you a churchgoer? It doesn't sound as though you understand what a church is about. It's not about exclusivity.

And I speak as a non-believer, but I'm very aware of the cultural as well as the religious meaning of churches. They're not just private backdrops for Instagram. The 'total strangers' were probably parishioners - people whose church it actually was.

Did you then attend the church, following your nuptials, or was it just for Insta?

Not a wedding, but when I'm old and retired I fully intend to spend my days sitting in the public gallery at trials and watching all the ins and outs. Because I can and I find it interesting

With my knitting and flask of tea

So...you are one of those people who thinks churches are just pretty backdrops?

Or who 'get on their knees to avoid the fees' people?

Your choice to have those attitudes, but please don't try to make out that the actual churchgoers who were simply participating in what they (quite reasonably) thought was a lovely, inclusive religious service are the wrong'uns.

YOU are clearly the ones with the weird, skewed understanding of what a Christening actually is. Own it!

I grew up in a community where this is normal till today.

As a teenager I went to the church wedding of a person who worked at the same riding stables as me, she was older and sort of in charge. I wasn't invited but she gave me the biggest smile when she saw me as she walked down the aisle.

My co-worker wasn't invited to my wedding but she came to the church to see me get married

I took my DD to the church to see our hairdresser come out of the church.

I don't think there is anything wrong. Never expected an invite but just wanted to see them on the happiest day of their lives

No I wouldn't as I would not be wanted there if not formally invited.

Years ago there was a Church of Scotland minister whose beautiful church sits in an area with spectacular scenery and he was constantly in demand to do weddings because of that. He could have had weddings every Saturday which would have taken up a lot of his time and taken him away from serving his parish properly so he took the decision that Saturday was his day off and he wouldn't do any Saturday weddings. The Church of Scotland doesn't charge for weddings so there were no financial consequences for the church but it stopped the church being used just because you got nice photos.

I avoid churches in general and for that reason I am also not official godmother to my goddaughters. I think the only time I would turn up for a church wedding would be to make a 'The Graduate' style declaration. That said I have singer's nodules, so I can't actually scream and shout... so it would be a bit of a damp squib of a rebellious act...

I'm going to one on Saturday! A couple from our local church who I see and chat to most Sundays. I'm going to sit upstairs out of the way. I think there will be lots of us who do that.
I actually asked them if they would mind. They had never heard of the tradition but were touched we'd think to go.

I don't think it's weird at all

I’ve only noticed this once, I think they were family of the bridesmaids who wanted to see them in their dresses.

My brother got married at a cathedral so there were some random tourists at the back observing the service since they happend to be visiting the church at the time. When I was a child, at my grandmothers home village they would put wedding invites to newspapers and people would just show up if they like they were close to the couple. We have attended one or two of these ceremonies if it was a distant relative or family friends.

But no, I would not show up to any of these events if I was not invited.