Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

I also remember it being popular to go to stand outside the church to see the bride arrive or to go into the street if someone on your street was getting married to wave them off ( and see the style).

Baptisms in our local church are usually in the Sunday main service so the whole regular congregation and all commers can attend.

As regards weddings. We didn't have an evening do for our wedding, we didn't want one. A few people we knew who didn't have reception invites came to the service. This was more than 30 years ago and couldn't think of anything worse than an evening reception disco/dance etc.

Yes, they do too sometimes. But I'd think twice about popping in to a church as a voyeur if I had young dc with me. The problem is you don't know it's going to go wrong until it has.

Turning up to a wedding to which you have specifically not been invited is fucking weird, selfish and a bit scary behaviour.

obviously I am excluding congregation type situations where people turn up traditionally

I’m talking about attending someone’s wedding when you aren’t a church person and the couple didn’t invite you because they didn’t want to

This is lovely I think.

I wouldn't bother, while attending the church is allowed there would be no point as you still wouldn't be able to attend the meal/after event.

It would look like you've turned up in the hope of the Bride/Groom changing their minds and suddenly inviting you.

I support the ability to just turn up at a church wedding, a freedom I will defend. I do think though that if someone has made a positive decision not to invite you, probably for a valid reason in their eyes, then you should not attend.

I did once attend a wedding when on holiday about 25 years ago, as the only way on the day I was in the city that I could visit the church. Thanked the priest after the service and walked away before I could speak to the bride and groom, who I had never met. The hymns had tunes I knew so could muddle through with them even though not in a language I had sung in before.

I stumbled upon York Minster when Ellie Goulding was getting married. There was a security cordon, and no chance you could have got inside. I think Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie were guests.

My aunt did this at mine. It was unbelievable.

I had a bit of a strained relationship with my Dad's side of the family (aunts and their husbands) after he died. When my wedding came around I decided to just invite my Grandma and Dad's wife to the church and wedding breakfast as we had a good relationship and invited the aunts to the evening. Two of my aunts came to the church as they said they wanted to see me get married, they then left and came back for the evening.
I have always felt bad that I misjudged it a bit and they were more bothered than I thought but it was a invite one and invite them all kind of thing and two of them had been quite horrible.

I didn't mind at all but I think if it was a random person or someone I didn't have good relationship with, it would annoy me.

At my sisters wedding lots of people from our village were all outside the church to see her go in (school mum's etc as well), it was really lovely to see so many people so happy for her 😊

Also in the church of Ireland. At my wedding some of my friends parents and grandparents were standing outside the church to wish us well going in. I actually thought it was lovely. It's not uncommon for this to happen in Ireland, both North and South.
Several people who were acquaintances or friends of people invited came to the church. It's actually quite a nice thing to do here.
Same with funerals. Half of the funerals I go to I've never even met the person. You go as a support for a friend who has lost a family member. It's really common in Ireland.

bigboykitty

No idea why I am asking. Not working today. My son is getting married at the end of the month but I think I was triggered by stuff on here.

Again I am not asking about traditional community practices but if you actually know the bride and groom but were not invited, or you are disgruntled in some way so you thought you might just turn up to the ceremony because you know that the law allows you, with your uninvited child of your invited partner.

It is the same in any church, not just the UK. My sister had a few people from the village attending her ceremony. It was lovely.

No, what is bizarre is for the parents to make promises that thay have no intention of keeping and to ask for their child to become part of the Church but then object when the Church shows up.

I've popped into a church wedding before, a siblings friend was getting married in the local church who I've known my whole life but wouldn't have made the cut for the whole wedding, they were very welcoming to people to pop along and see the ceremony at least as they couldn't afford to invite huge numbers to their full ceremony due to cost!

I'd never just turn up though unless it was a situation like this tho where I'd feel comfortable checking with the family etc that it was OK to come to the church, mainly just wanted to see the bride in her dress 😁

This ☝️ Really don't see what the problem is.

When we got married over 15 years ago a couple of my friend’s parents came to the church- which was lovely.

Very common in Scottish weddings years ago - not sure about now. Usually people who knew the family but were not invited as guests. Same with funerals.

Only if they're getting married in a normal parish church, which I imagine none of them do.

There are lots of Anglican places of worship where the public doesn't have access and can be prevented from attending without an invitation. To get married in one of those, rather than having your Banns read 3 times and an opportunity for any member of the public to object, you have to get your marriage licence from the Archbishop of Canterbury first. Presumably the AoC's office does some sort of check that there aren't any lawful reasons why you shouldn't be getting married.

I mean when my daughters best friend gets married if she only has a small wedding I wouldn't expect an invitation... My daughter would, obviously. But I've known the friend since she was a toddler and know the family, so if they were marrying in a local church I'd probably send her mum a message and ask if it'd be OK if I come along to the church to give my good wishes to the bride?

Not weird at all. Presumably the congregation were regular churchgoers and a christening is to welcome the child into the church therefore, as Christians they came to welcome the child. I think like weddings, many people see baptisms as an excuse to dress up and have a party and the ceremony is nothing at all to do with any religious beliefs.

I think if you are a regular church goer then it is not an odd thing. I remember my sister getting her wedding photos back and there was a smiling random old lady at the edge of the group photos.

OK, I have learnt something. The registry office would not allow people to stand.

A few people turned up to my wedding that weren’t invited. I thought it was lovely. No one making a point, just old acquaintances and childhood friends who had heard on the grapevine and decided to pop in. People I hadn’t seen in years but no ill will. I was really touched they came.

Plus lots of regulars from the church who hadn’t been invited individually but were obviously included in a general invite.

Those who arrived uninvited to the reception were more of a challenge as had to find additional seats and meals last minute 😅 that was down to a miscommunication though.

I remember walking down the aisle and thinking, "Who are you?" about a line of women sat at the back on the bride's side. Turned out to be coffee morning acquaintances of my mum. The more the merrier really. They were wishing us well. Maybe it used to be more of a thing - I remember going with my mum to see my ballet teacher married, and the daughter of a neighbour too.

If it had been a line of weeping or vengeful exes, for example, it would be different!