Turning up to church wedding just because you can. Would you?

[EWAB]

Everybody knows that if you are in England (rest of UK?) that anybody can turn up at a church and can’t be turned away, from a wedding or baptism for example.

We know that this is a law from the Middle Ages.

But would you?

On any thread on here re: not being invited to wedding or particularly if children aren’t invited someone always suggests to just turn up at the church.

Would someone really do this?

I think if you are a Christian and are a member of the congregation who knows the bride or groom, it is fine and quite usual to turn up. Very often, especially if the Bride or Groom is getting married in their Mother Church, they or the Vicar will extend the invite to the Congregation which is lovely. I love a full Church! Half empty churches with whispered hymns always feel a bit sad to me.

The primary purpose of the banns is so that anyone who knows of a 'lawful impediment' can object - it's to stop incest, bigamy, coercion etc. That is why the banns also have to be read in each party's home parish as well as the one where they will marry, if they are different.

Exactly this. The people who usually do it are known to the couple but not necessarily close enough to be invited. When I got married a few of my Mum’s friends came who she knew through her hobbies. It was sweet, I didn’t mind. I didn’t have to spend £100 a head on them at the reception but they wanted to see my dress / bridesmaids etc.

I think it would be very awkward to be seen at the church if one had received just an evening invitation. Sort of like: if anyone’s cancelled for the wedding breakfast then you-hoo, here I am. Somewhat humiliating too as people might say ‘where’s X, I saw her at the church but she’s not here for the meal?’ ‘No, she wasn’t invited’.

It's not awkward at all @rightoguvnor
It was very common / usual in the 1980s and 1990s.
Also very common for people who are members of Churches - it is really, really normal to say 'everyone welcome at the Church service'.
No humiliation at all - you'd just answer 'She's coming tonight'.
Invitations to evening parties would often include information about the time and place of the actual ceremony, as many of us believe that the service is actually the most important part of the day.

Although I love that people who don't have a faith no longer use Churches just for the pretty backdrop, and that people can choose to arrange weddings wherever they want and do them in less traditional ways, I do find it sad that I've not been able to go to some of the wedding ceremony of some of my dcs' friends, who I have watched grow up and would love to have watched them get married, but of course, as they have had 'wedding venue' weddings, only people going to the meal are really expected to go. I think something has been lost from the Community side of it.

I think that it's weird to have a 'private' christening service in a church. The whole event and the words of the service are a public welcome of a brand new person into the community of the church. The wonderful moment when the whole congregation responds and renouces "the devil and all his works!"

At my church baptisms usually follow directly on from the main service and the congregation can (and often do) remain. The whole point is that you're welcoming someone into the church family, seems odd to have it as a private event. Obviously, you wouldn't expect to be invited on to the reception etc.

Weddings are different, they're usually separate events entirely. In theory I guess the congregation could go, but I don't think anyone does.

I certainly wouldn't turn up at another church though, or use it as an excuse to turn up where I clearly wasn't wanted.

I wouldn't bother, while attending the church is allowed there would be no point as you still wouldn't be able to attend the meal/after event.

But many of us realise that the actual ceremony is the most important part of the day. "there would be no point as you still wouldn't be able to attend the meal/after event." is such a bizarre way to think.

Really - go and educate yourself.

You (or your relations) have arrogantly used a religious building for hyprocritical purposes, with no understanding either of the role and purpose of the building or the meaning of the religious rite you have CHOSEN to put their child forward for.

Presumably everyone, parents and godparents, all stood there lying about the commitments and promises they were making and scowling at the actual church members who were probably feeling celebratory to see a child (as they thought) being inducted into their church.

Who's the baddy here? Not the churchgoers!

And again, I'll out myself as a non-believer, but I have respect for believers and church communities and I wouldn't go through a solemn religious rite frivolously or fro some nefarious purpose.

I mean someone where perhaps the stepchild has not been invited to a wedding so some people advise that anyone can go to a church or someone’s partner has been invited but they haven’t so again on here people saying just turn up at the church.

If you wanted to discuss this particularly specific situation, you really needed to have put it in the title and OP.
Obviously that is quite niche and specific, not a general question about the very normal practice of going along to watch two people you have known for many years get married.
People are only ever going to answer information from the opening post on MN threads, I'm afraid.

I have to say - this thread is Peak Mumsnet - with all the fuss about massive Insta weddings etc you get on here - it's almost comical to read about the ignorance, nastiness and lack of knowledge about those pretty buildings people choose to get married in.

What -😂 you mean, they have some other purpose too??

I love this.

People so often are upset they don't have a village, but are completely unwilling to cultivate said village.

I'm an atheist, but I do sometimes wish I had a religion so I had a ready-made circle of support, even if they weren't all my friends.

Church weddings in the UK are not private. Church baptisms are not either, although they can be held outside of regular services and not necessarily publicised. I have attended both weddings and baptisms of people I know but was not invited to.

But - a very big but, I had no axe to grind with the people concerned and went along as an ordinary member of the congregation to support the main participants and to wish them well. Had I some problem with the people concerned, I would have stayed well away. Does that help @EWAB?

It's an integral part of their faith - a baptism to welcome a new soul to their faith.

That your relative is cynically exploiting those beliefs to access better schools reflects - while intending to ignore th promises they've just made - reflects poorly on them. The congregation members aren't the ones in the wrong.

No, it is true for most, or maybe all denominations.

Certainly, Methodist, Baptist, URC, Presbyterian, and Catholic.

Not just 'back in the day' or 'working class communities' either.
I've been to two such services in the last 12 months, where members of our Church family were getting married, and many other members turned out to support them on their special day.

This is not uncommon at my village church. As others have said, the church bit isn't a private function. It's quite usual for villagers who know the couple to attend, sit at the back, and then go.

People from my work and neighbours were in the church when I got married, I was happy to see them there. When my daughter got married in a very small country church some cyclists were going through the village and they stopped and waited to see the bride which I thought was really sweet. I think it could be passive aggressive to turn up at the church because you can if the invitation situation has been contentious though.

But you don’t need inviting to a wedding service in church. That’s the whole point, anyone can attend. A church is open house.

And if you a regular church goers, rather than wanting ‘a church for the photos’, you would know lots of the congregation and community anyway.

I don't see the harm in going to a church service. Which is what a wedding service in church is. There is no need for an invitation to attend a church service .
It's the same when people get married or have their receptions in parks and public places the couple have to accept that there will be people there that haven't been invited.
Or course they won't be able to go to the reception afterwards unless invited.

Well, yes, it's great to have a full church.

But you don’t need inviting to a wedding service in church. That’s the whole point, anyone can attend. A church is open house.

Yes, we know this?

But if the bride and groom didn't invite me, or even just say 'hope you can pop along to the church', it would feel like an imposition.

For my first wedding some people who knew me or my mum came to see me. One neighbour met me outside with her young children who wanted to "see the bride" it was really sweet and they gave me a lucky horseshoe.

Second wedding several members of my congregation came to see us get married. They'd known me for 20 years and knew my late husband and had been at his funeral. It made it very special. It was lovely they made the effort.

It's not weird it's totally normal. The whole point of a christening is to welcome the child into the Christian community so of course they should be there. It's weird if the congregation isn't there.

DHs closest make relationship who is otherwise entirely normal crashes every funeral in the area. He was until recently extremely busy with work (just retired due to illness) so not that he had nothing else to do. I also know another woman who is inclined to this too.

From Belfast - in my childhood it was called going to “have a wee geek” at the wedding, generally standing outside watching the bride and everyone dressed up. Sometimes the older ladies would sit at the back to geek. Remember ushers at weddings used to jokingly ask if you were a “guest or a geeker” and direct you to the front or back accordingly. Also jokingly because it was obvious who was dressed up and who wasn’t .

All christenings, a welcome of the baby into the community of God so very much public, whoever wanted.

BUT YOU DO NOT NEED AN INVITE. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Saying that my DH had the ushers primed (as bouncers 😂) as he was told his ex girlfriend was going to come to our church wedding.

He spent a rather nervous church service with one eye on the door.