Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

[Yoursstruly]

Been gifted 150k. I am a single parent but do have maintenance of around 600 a month.

I have a mortgage free home worth around 500k.

Since receiving this money I initially thought I would spend it on school fees (child almost 4 so due to start school in a few months). I told family about this and they were all for it (I went to private and enjoyed it). I also have a job that brings in around 4K a month.

I’ve since seen an amazing home I would love to move to which is on the market for 650k. We are midlands ish area and this goes quite a long way, 5 bed, detached, nice garden and large rooms.

My family are saying this is ridiculous and I’m selfish, that we have a home for the two of us and it’s big enough (4 bed) and we don’t need more space but child would obviously benefit greatly from a private education.

I now feel incredibly conflicted. Am I being selfish? I think in the back of my mind I keep thinking I could probably afford fees down the line anyway at least for secondary. I do save around 1k a month for child and 1k for me.

I don’t know what to do. Is it selfish? Be honest, I’ve posted on AIBU for a reason!!

It’s bad enough cleaning a four bedroom house. A large five bed would be even worse. Do you need three spare bedrooms?

I think you are being selfish - but that is just my opinion. There are only 2 of you and you have a 4 bed home worth 500k. You are very lucky and privileged. A private education would have such a positive impact on your child’s life and schooling. I would put my child before a bigger house, especially when you already have a suitable one.

@Buscobel Don’t need them but I would love the space

Honestly it seems a ridiculous waste of money if there are only two of you and you're already in a 4 bedroom property!

@KittyPup thanks, do you still feel this way if I paid for secondary and just skipped primary? So could get the house and then save for secondary

@Roads it would hopefully go up in value though!!

No need to pay for primary unless the local schools are really dire. It's secondary where it's a more reasonable investment.

I would buy the house. Deal with the education when the time comes. Mine did private for primary and then grammar school for secondary. Do what works for you. I am currently living on my own in a 5 bedroom house and I love it. If they made houses with two bedrooms but living space as if for a 5 bedroom that would be great. I love having parties etc, and a standard 2 bedroom house does not have the space for me to do that.

Send your kid to a state school and spend the money as you wish

Why are you asking your family's opinion? What does it have to do with them?
You do what you want (although I have to say that, personally, I'd always prioritise education over a bigger house).

You currently own a house worth half a million pounds mortgage free. Surely that too could go up in value?

Why do you need a 5 bedroom house?

I don’t think it’s shitty or selfish. It’s an alternative use of the money, and will benefit the child in years to come. that’s assuming state schools are good. I would make sure I could pay for secondary though.

Not shitty but kind of stupid. You already have a 4 bed house, what do you need a 5 bed for? Not to mention increased maintenance costs, council tax, utilities, moving costs.

you’d essentially be using this money to immediately increase your outgoings for very little reward

Dont spend it on private schools either. Get a one off consultation with a financial advisor (not an ongoing contract) and invest the money. You’ll easily get £5-8k a year on it and the amount will grow with compounding interest. It will then benefit both you and your son’s life forever and contribute to his inheritance.

Get the house and save for secondary! Private school is a waste at primary IMO as your not paying for the education your paying for the network and doors it can open.

we didn’t send our oldest to private school until high school x

Hmmm I’d probably be cautious and not get the house. You’ll waste over 20k of it straight away in stamp duty and there’s estate agent, solicitor and moving fees.

You don’t know yet whether your child will need additional support or might just benefit a lot from private primary. You can always reassess if it looks like your child will get into a great grammar and then move into a bigger house if you still want it.

It's your money to do with what you will but I am puzzled why an extra bedroom and bigger house that you don't really need is more of a priority to you than your kids education. It would be different if it were something you genuinely needed but it sounds it's not really. I would prioritise my kid if I was in your situation.

Secondary fees in 8 years time could be £30k or more a year. Could you save for that? Do you have good local state school options in your area if you can't afford it by then?

Seems odd. Is a big house a status thing?

Personally, yes I would still feel that way. A prep is a lovely environment, small classes, lots of clubs, a variety of enrichment activities in the curriculum, nice grounds, much better food - an overall nicer experience. That is without really looking at academics in detail as I don’t think that prep schools are automatically better just for being private. Secondary is good too but that’s more focused on the academics and results. There are lots of amazing state schools too but you just can’t compare the facilities, trips and opportunities. If it was a decision between buying a house or private school then I would say buy the house. Or if you said that it would limit your lifestyle as fees would take every last penny, I would say dont do it. However, that is not your position. You may not have your dream house but you are mortgage free in a house that more than meets your needs. In that position, I would divert money to education and opportunities for my child. They’re only small for such a short period - you want to make it the most happy you possibly can and a lovely school and learning environment is the making of children and will set them up for life.

I’d buy the education and a bloody good holiday
but why on earth are your family getting a vote? You are an independent adult!

I had children at state and private schools; also have GC at state and private.

Spend the money on your son's education rather than bedrooms you do not need. It will be an investment in his future. He will be somewhere with excellent facilities, small classes and money for resources - e.g. music scores can be bought at the drop of a hat when needed, instruments etc.

Unless you have a totally brilliant state school round the corner then go for the private education.

I can understand you spending it on a house if you were living in cramped conditions and there was a good state school, but frankly wanting 5 bedrooms for 2 of you is seriously bonkers.

Op - were you happy with your home before the windfall? Or is there some specific reason hating you dislike it? It does seem a bit consumeristic to put extra space above education for your child just for an extra bedroom you won’t need or use

What haven’t you told us?

It makes zero sense to upgrade from a 4 to 5 bed when there is only two of you regardless of private schooling.

Your child can get a great state education and have an amazing future without you wasting your 150k