Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

[Yoursstruly]

Been gifted 150k. I am a single parent but do have maintenance of around 600 a month.

I have a mortgage free home worth around 500k.

Since receiving this money I initially thought I would spend it on school fees (child almost 4 so due to start school in a few months). I told family about this and they were all for it (I went to private and enjoyed it). I also have a job that brings in around 4K a month.

I’ve since seen an amazing home I would love to move to which is on the market for 650k. We are midlands ish area and this goes quite a long way, 5 bed, detached, nice garden and large rooms.

My family are saying this is ridiculous and I’m selfish, that we have a home for the two of us and it’s big enough (4 bed) and we don’t need more space but child would obviously benefit greatly from a private education.

I now feel incredibly conflicted. Am I being selfish? I think in the back of my mind I keep thinking I could probably afford fees down the line anyway at least for secondary. I do save around 1k a month for child and 1k for me.

I don’t know what to do. Is it selfish? Be honest, I’ve posted on AIBU for a reason!!

I don't think you're being selfish but I do think it's unwise. I would opt to pay the school fees.

Why do you want such a big house? More rooms to clean, more clutter building up over time. Far more expensive to heat and maintain. To me, that is money down the drain every week: heating rooms you never use, decorating spaces you barely spend time in. More windows, drains, roofs to repair. God forbid you need to repaint the outside walls of your home. I still dream of the numerous holidays we could have had instead.

If there are two of you in a 4 bed you have a bedroom each, a spare room and a room to convert into a home office or craft room or yoga studio/gym. More than enough space.

I wouldn't go private at primary level anyway. I'd put the money into a good ISA or trust for your DD with a plan to either take it out to use for private education at secondary level, or if you and she are happy with state education throughout, hold it to help her through uni/first home purchase etc.

IMO, private education is not in itself necessarily good use of money, But really good private education, that really fits your child's nature, is priceless. I'd rather have that than a big money pit of a house.

The thing with status is the only people who are impressed are idiots. Even then, they are usually only impressed if you’ve made your way to the trappings of success under your own steam not because someone GAVE it to you!

I'm all for private education - but £150k isn't going to be enough to pay for 13 years of it! Were you thinking of paying for the rest of it yourself? There will be uniform, clubs, music lessons (possibly) residentials, trips, maybe even lunches to pay for in addition to the fees. (Yes lunches! My grandson was having to change from his private school which was closing to another. The fees were only slightly higher, but didn't include lunch! There was no option for a packed lunch and they had to pay for it separately. It worked out at an average of £600 a term).in

if you can pick up the additional cost yourself and are prepared to do so, then private education would be the way to go in my opinion. However what would happen should you have another child in the future?

Otherwise - buy the house. I would.

This all depends on the local states schools - what are they like? I think the better option is to save the money for your child - either school fees if needed or a future house for them.

I paid for 3 kids through secondary only private. That was 600k in today's money. They got discriminated against for their Oxbridge applications, so what was the point ultimately.
Here's what I'd do;
Find a house near a really good grammar school even if you have to move.
Tutor them to make sure they get in.
Tutor them if they struggle in any subject
Invest the rest.

@Spottyvases whatms greedy about it?!

@DilemmaDelilah yes I would expect ex to contribute and if not I would save a few hundred a month until the 150k ran out so I had another fund to turn to

@Dunnocantthinkofone i agree. I’m just being honest about the motivation for the house move. The education however is not a showy thing to me, i genuinely want the best education for dd. But yes i admit the house thing is mainly to feel like i can show i have something nice. Perhaps it’s a little insecurity about being a single parent, not sure

@ElizaMulvil yes I agree. But private is not about the academic success for me, it’s everything else

I’d buy the house and enjoy it!

I wouldn’t do private for primary anyway

I don't think it is selfish but I do think it is not a very financially savvy choice.

Why on earth do 1 adult and 1 child need a 5 bed house?

Are you the poster that writes every few months how your a single parent, you get maintenance, live in a 4 bed house worth 500k and worry how you will pay your mortgage? I know youve said your mortgage free but you sound similar to the poster who pleads poverty in a 500k mortgage house with 1 child and getting £600 a month maintaince.

@SUPerSaver721 well I’ve been mortgage free for several years so no. Wouldn’t say it’s uncommon for a single parent to worry about finances though?!

I never understand why people say private isn't worth it for junior years. I think smaller class sizes and good study habits being ingrained in these years make a huge difference. And I know of some who only did private for prep school to help with childcare (easier to keep them in school with after-school clubs than organise wraparound) and their children doing well academically at least in their state senior schools.

I would not be considering private school for primary level unless the local state options are failing schools.

Whether you save the £150k or buy a larger house is what the decision should be.

Actually I think both your options are unreasonable.

Private primary isn't needed. Private secondary is definitely a benefit.

You certainly don't need a larger house for 2. The house you have will appreciate in value anyway - in fact more so because you will have less maintenance and upkeep and bills for it, so you'll be able to save more over time.

What your DC would most benefit from is you putting the money in a decent investment, and then bring able to pay for them to have a house deposit and other aspects of an excellent higher education and quality of life in future.

And you would benefit because you'd likely be able to retire earlier as well, which I would think far more beneficial for quality of life than having a new house when you already have plenty of space.

Is new house catchment for brilliant state schools?⁹

I firmly believe that primary private education is more important than senior in many ways. Your child will be taught how to work independently which is SO important. Personally I would stay put and educate your child, there is nothing more important than education. We did this for our two and it has paid dividends. One in America with his own law firm. One here at director level of a charity. And yes I do still think of some of the beautiful homes we could have had.

What, meeting posh people?

It’s the grounding in education, manners, homework everything. Small children, as you know, are like sponges, and if shown the right way, they just absorb the lessons.

You can't generalise state v private. Our state school has outstanding results (that's different to being Ofsted outstanding but is that too), made national chess finals and is well funded. The majority of the cohort are middle class kids with invested parents. Same as private school. Our state school as separate teachers for strings, brass and wind instruments. The local private (£35k a year) comes second to our state primary in sports and academic extra curricular (aside from rugby).

Our local state secondary teachers Latin and Classics.

We could afford private but don't need to.

What kind of state schools does the good house have access to?

@Flamingojune people with money aren’t always posh you know?

it’s the better food, range of activities, smaller classes, sports etc

@Trishthedish thanks this is interesting! I got a lot out of private primary so I do agree but obviously haven’t had anything to compare it with from personal experience

Boiling this down to the essential, the choice you are giving yourself is:

invest in myself (house) v. invest in my child (school)

If you opt for yourself, you will be able to wander from one large room to another and float into your garden working out what your decision tells you about who and what you value.