Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

[Yoursstruly]

Been gifted 150k. I am a single parent but do have maintenance of around 600 a month.

I have a mortgage free home worth around 500k.

Since receiving this money I initially thought I would spend it on school fees (child almost 4 so due to start school in a few months). I told family about this and they were all for it (I went to private and enjoyed it). I also have a job that brings in around 4K a month.

I’ve since seen an amazing home I would love to move to which is on the market for 650k. We are midlands ish area and this goes quite a long way, 5 bed, detached, nice garden and large rooms.

My family are saying this is ridiculous and I’m selfish, that we have a home for the two of us and it’s big enough (4 bed) and we don’t need more space but child would obviously benefit greatly from a private education.

I now feel incredibly conflicted. Am I being selfish? I think in the back of my mind I keep thinking I could probably afford fees down the line anyway at least for secondary. I do save around 1k a month for child and 1k for me.

I don’t know what to do. Is it selfish? Be honest, I’ve posted on AIBU for a reason!!

You are being very, very selfish. HTH. Send the child to private school for goodness sake!! Imagine - telling them sorry, you couldn't have the same positive schooling because i wanted one extra bedroom for the two of us.

It must be soooo hard to be you @Yoursstruly.

Thoughts and prayers

No child is owed private school, there’s a lot of good state schools around.

spending it on the house means that the majority remains as equity.

Well to be fair, that doesn’t sound like the experience of 99.8% of mumsnetters.
with teachers wringing their hands here on behavioural issues daily, leaving the job in droves, basic skills on a seemingly permanent decline, I’d be fascinated to hear where this magical school might be?

Why don’t you just take a mortgage out for 150k, buy the house and still have the money left for private school?!

Get the house in a good catchment area for Primary school. Look at secondary while you’re at it. I’m generalizing here, but I would imagine a more expensive house would mean a neighborhood with good local schools but make sure you check.

@Dunnocantthinkofone I did want to move but was going to get something slightly different but same sort of price. I feel a bit like
i want the status of the bigger house which I admit is extremely shallow!

How sure are you about your local primary schools? I was fairly confident when my eldest came to start (state) school and I was happy with the school for a few years, however things changed and by the time my youngest was in Y3 I felt I had to move him to private. The other two went to private for seniors but looking back both DH and I wish we would have done private throughout.

@nam3c4ang3 obviously it’s not about one bedroom it’s a generally bigger house 🙄

i can’t afford to send my 2 kids to private school but maybe I could if I sold our house and moved us in to a very small flat in a cheap neighbourhood but I am not going to. I don’t think I am being selfish by prioritising a higher living standard over private education and imagine a lot of people do the same.

@Invisablepanic why do you wish that? Just interested! People often say primary not worth it

Realistically how small can a half a million pound house in the midlands with 4 bedrooms be?

Don’t be so silly. This is one adult and a junior school child in a 4 bed already! Not even remotely comparable

Well that's because people don't have the money and need to save for secondary which is the most important. Primary thugs can be dealt with- secondary less so because you don't know the parents.

If you are chasing status the. Private school is it over an additional spare room.

Unless your extra bedroom also gains you a few acres, stables, workshop and a fishing lake then the status gain won’t be much.

The gap when the older two started seniors was quite difficult for them, my eldest was always very academically able (GD for most SATs) but even he found it tough going. French, music, maths - the other children all seemed to be starting from a different point. The senior school is about 75% of pupils from either their junior school with a few more from other private schools. The eldest has caught up and is fine now but it was definitely a struggle. My youngest in primary has been getting support for dyslexia which has made a huge difference - his state primary just didn't have the capacity (or the will tbh) to give him extra attention.

It is shallow and pointless. We (3 of us) live in a huge house and I hate it. My DH loves it and he’s all about the big house status but he’s not the one keeping on top of everything; in the spare rooms and many spaces I barely have any furniture so that’s easy to clean and at the same time it doesn’t feel like a home as it’s not furnished the way I’d like it to be. We do have a weekly cleaner but that’s not enough. I’d move to a 2 bed apartment in a heartbeat.

Your child only gets to one go at going to primary school but you will have other opportunities to buy a nicer house.
Use this money for private school fees and save for upsizing.

I’d sack off the school fees and the bigger house and invest the money, maybe in your private pension.

Well given the OP hasn’t got a mortgage to pay, I’d say she was pretty well placed to achieve the big pension already!

I would not say that you are being selfish, but you are being extravagant. You're going to piss away £150k on a house you don't need rather than invest in your child's education. For what - status? FFS, get a grip!

I probably wouldn't go for private for primary unless your child will go to a particularly bad school otherwise. However, if the bigger house is mostly about status, that's not a great choice, either. I'd be more enthusiastic if you'd said you wanted it for other reasons (better garden/play area, nicer location and community, more comfortable for your family's lifestyle).

I'd at least consider investing some of it, personally.

I'd hope being mortgage free, bringing home approximately 5k a month and only having a preschool aged child meant the OP already had a very vast saving pot and pension.

also to look at this from the other side.

If you come across as a snobby status chasing person people won’t want to invite your child to play dates at theirs.

Because they will think you a judgemental person so maybe look beyond your nose and ego.

Then your child loses out. Regardless of your 5bedroom home.

It might not be about the extra bedroom but a second bathroom/toilet, bigger bedrooms, bigger living room, less cramped hallway, bigger garden, a separate utility room, kitchen with an island, better location, garage/driveway. A bigger house can have a lot more advantages than just one extra bedroom.