Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

[Yoursstruly]

Been gifted 150k. I am a single parent but do have maintenance of around 600 a month.

I have a mortgage free home worth around 500k.

Since receiving this money I initially thought I would spend it on school fees (child almost 4 so due to start school in a few months). I told family about this and they were all for it (I went to private and enjoyed it). I also have a job that brings in around 4K a month.

I’ve since seen an amazing home I would love to move to which is on the market for 650k. We are midlands ish area and this goes quite a long way, 5 bed, detached, nice garden and large rooms.

My family are saying this is ridiculous and I’m selfish, that we have a home for the two of us and it’s big enough (4 bed) and we don’t need more space but child would obviously benefit greatly from a private education.

I now feel incredibly conflicted. Am I being selfish? I think in the back of my mind I keep thinking I could probably afford fees down the line anyway at least for secondary. I do save around 1k a month for child and 1k for me.

I don’t know what to do. Is it selfish? Be honest, I’ve posted on AIBU for a reason!!

This is going to sound unkind but ‘status’? WTF!

No one gives a crap what house you live in. Especially as we are comparing two pretty similar options. People form their opinions based on how you treat them and the type of person you are, not what stuff you e managed to accumulate

Id invest it. Send the child to state school. I’d rather pay for a house for them in the future.

Private school is NOT a waste at primary - it made an astonishing difference to my dc (we moved from state). However, speaking as someone whose parents poured every possible penny into property at the expense of many other things, I would take care over this decision - there is much more to life than a large house.

Our child is in state primary and we can afford private secondary.

what puts us off is

1. The money: we could literally buy her a house instead which gives us peace of mind that she will be ok.

1. She has phenomenal friends who are all excited to go up to state school together. I know she could make new friends, but she has a solid group and there's a lot to be said for that.

So I'd say think carefully now rather than making the casual assumption that just going from state to private after primary will be simple. I would advise one or.the other because the consistency is valuable in its own right.

I’d speak to a financial advisor to see how the £150k can earn you some money.
I’d also look at the cost of extending the home you have if you want more room, if that’s feasible.
I’d choose school fees over a house move tbh. If you have a good primary you could start private at secondary.
You mention maintenance, if your child’s father wants private education also, would he be in a position to contribute to fees?

As pp say, it's hard to get behind the house move when you already have a decent size house. I don't think I'd want to spend all that and increase monthly outgoings for that.

I think if you don't know atm, do not spend the money for now. Many primary schools are excellent, but you might at least look at private since it has been on your mind. Private school was never an option for my dc but dd1 has ASD and it would have been great to have had more options.

No way to say whether you should spend the money on private education without knowing your choice of state and private schools and how well they would suit your child. There are some great state schools and some shonky private schools out there.

The house move sounds a bit pointless. Why not invest it and end up with enough to pay your child’s uni costs and a large deposit on a flat (or even a whole flat depending where you live).

Round here, 150k wouldn't even touch the sides of private education from Reception to Year 13. We are paying about £15k/term at secondary (day only). Dread to think what it would be in 7 years from now.
Even if it is half that in your area, £150k is nowhere near enough.

Buy the house, do private for high school.

I wouldn't do either (assuming the local comp is half way decent).

I'd work less, and go on amazing holidays with my child. Maybe take 3 months off and go round the world on a big trip when they are old enough to appreciate it. Big houses and private schools are not things I value.

I'm not sure I'd call it selfish as much as pointlessly extravagant: you don't need a 5 bed home for two of you!

I mean if you got another gift would you go for 6 bedrooms?

I just can't see the justification.

i want the status of the bigger house

Well this explains a lot.

i just can't get on board with that. Honestly op, it sounds incredibly immature.

I wouldn't pay for private schooling or get the house. Put the money in a savings account for your kid for when they're older, maybe? You say you'd like the space - to do what with?

She has the means to buy a bigger house, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Plenty of people in the country are living in big houses.

If you're earning £4k a month, get a mortgage and you can have both - had this not occurred to you, or is the whole thread some thinly-veiled brag?

I wouldn’t do either straight away. I’d invest the money and start in state primary and then potentially move for year 3 once you’ve got the lie of the land of the school. £150 k is not going to see all the way through.

I don’t think anyone should be going back to a mortgage if they’re mortgage free, especially when the mortgage is paid from a single income.

Decisions decisions

Not that thinly 😆

In your position I'd get a mortgage for the £150k for the house and pay the school fees from the gift. You earn well so could pay down the mortgage quite quickly anyway.

Wowzers - you're not selfish mate - just greedy?

Are you for real? You’re so privileged you somehow already have a mortgage free 500k 4 bed house and after being “gifted” 150k you want to buy an even bigger house when there’s only you and one child living there anyway?! Oh how the other half live!

I think maybe speak to an independent schools advisor and do the projections on private school costs, factoring in the increases that occur each year. Certainly 150K is not going to cut it in terms of covering the school lifespan. But if you’re topping it up then great, from 4k post tax I’m assuming. It will also let you see how feasible it is to pay out of your salary alone. So for me it’s less a judgement about moving home, but more about the general affordability.

How much stuff do you own that a four bedroom house isn’t roomy enough for yourself and a small child?

Maybe go to Ikea and look at their storage solutions first. 😅

Lone parent here who opted for secondary private. Local primary was ok. Do you think your DC is NT? I think state primary if it’s good is good enough for NT kids but ND kids benefit hugely from
smaller class sizes and more pastoral care. And also as your child gets bigger two social spaces in your house is really useful (if they want to have friends over or play Xbox you still have a space) so I hope that is useful!

Also school fees plan, enables you to pay monthly rather than by term which helps spread costs