Is it shitty to do this instead of pay school fees?

[Yoursstruly]

Been gifted 150k. I am a single parent but do have maintenance of around 600 a month.

I have a mortgage free home worth around 500k.

Since receiving this money I initially thought I would spend it on school fees (child almost 4 so due to start school in a few months). I told family about this and they were all for it (I went to private and enjoyed it). I also have a job that brings in around 4K a month.

I’ve since seen an amazing home I would love to move to which is on the market for 650k. We are midlands ish area and this goes quite a long way, 5 bed, detached, nice garden and large rooms.

My family are saying this is ridiculous and I’m selfish, that we have a home for the two of us and it’s big enough (4 bed) and we don’t need more space but child would obviously benefit greatly from a private education.

I now feel incredibly conflicted. Am I being selfish? I think in the back of my mind I keep thinking I could probably afford fees down the line anyway at least for secondary. I do save around 1k a month for child and 1k for me.

I don’t know what to do. Is it selfish? Be honest, I’ve posted on AIBU for a reason!!

Save the money for now. We went private throughout but i might make a different decision if we were doing it now. If you have decent state primaries near you, i would go for state school because once you’ve gone private, it’s hard to go back into state school. As to the house, there’s a housing crisis and i think it would be very selfish to buy a 5-bedroom house when there are just 2 of you and you already have a 4-bedroom house. That space you want could be someone else’s desperately needed living quarters.

Personally I'm not so excited about the possibility of private education, but I understand it's a fantastic privilege so I can see why you thought of that and that must have been a fun thought. It then sounds like you've seen a shiny bauble in this new home. This money has come your way and you've got excited. So I think you need to sit on it. It's unfortunate that everyone knows how you'd initially thought to spend the money, but you need to think it through so that you're not conflicted with your decision.

Don't do either without stopping and thinking for a good long time. Add up what it costs to put a DC through university or college - it's more than you think.

If it were me, I'd invest it and save up to help DC with a property deposit later in life. And top up my own pension as much as possible.

That sounds very stupid OP.

SDLT would be £22,500, estate agents fee I suppose a minimum of £7,500. Then you've got the legal fees and removals. So you'd be paying the best part of £40,000 in moving costs for more space that you don't need.

Why did you decide OP's child must surely be a son?

It’s about how she comes across not the house itself.

She wants it for status people who are chasing status become obvious to others and it’s not a great look.

I’d go for the house. You aren’t actually ‘spending’ the money then - you’re investing it. Spending on private school fees at primary is a waste. State primaries are perfectly good. If you can pay for private secondary education, so much the better.

Good luck!

£150k will not go all that far in terms of school fees which continue to rise steeply every year. It might get you through primary but no further.
It also doesn't sound like a bigger house is needed, but perhaps there is something extra about it you've not explained.
What is the state school catchment like where you are now?

You do know that private school students do barely any better than Comprehensive students though? Possibly 1/2 a grade at A level AND comprehensive students do better than private students at Degree level. (Incidentally Jessica Ennis went to a Comprehensive school.)

Considering this and the fact that education is not just marks at an exam I would be very happy to send my children to a Comprehensive School where they would meet youngsters from all walks of life.

I made this decision for my own children and they managed good Universities - eg Oxbridge / Russell Group and as important, invaluable' life' experience, understanding how their less fortunate fellows meet the challenges of their lives.

Incidentally when they tried to research into what influenced good results educationally it was very difficult to find any one thing.

The best correlation was whether the children ate with their parents.

You said you chose AIBU for a reason so obviously wanted honest opinions. I think you've been given honest opinions but they are not really the ones you wanted/hoped for? It's your choice op but personally I wouldn't deny my DC the opportunity of private schooling from the start for the sake of a bigger house which you have said you would like the status of. Instead of delaying your child's private education until Secondary school, as you are currently mortgage free you could buy a bigger house later. What a privilege you have, being able to give your daughter the same advantageous start you were given yourself ..and through an inheritance. In your shoes I would go for private education from day one. 😀

I'm not in your income bracket and only own a small home. BUT if I were in your position and IF there was a really great indy (because let's face it, private frequently doesn't mean better than state) that is 100% where I would put my money. I'd put my child's education first 100% of the time.

State primary is frequently OK or even good. State secondary is a totally different thing. Academisation is a shit show and so many secondary schools are awful. If I had a way to help my child avoid that, I would.

Who gifted you £150k? I was thinking if it was your granny to reduce inheritance tax exposure, and she took it from funds that would otherwise be inherited by your parents. And your parents are the ones saying “I’d rather your you spend it on private school” then I’d listen to your parents. Because in effect you only got that money because they are being deprived of it to save the family tax.

on the other hand if it was a lottery-win type of gift, your family’s views don’t matter

Ultimately if the gifts was no strings you can do what you like.

Personally I wouldn’t spend it on a massive house that an entire family could otherwise live in but that’s just my ethical standards (the same reason I didn’t become an unscrupulous landlady or buy a second (holiday) home).

Up to you but you did ask, you are very privileged as it is. You don't need 3 spare bedrooms

One of the best indicators of a child educational outcome is the level of the Mothers education. One of the longest running studies of over 70 years was run by Harvard and there was a correlation about making children do chores.

DH and I worked with ‘school end product’ as I jokingly called the students that turned up at the University I worked in for many years. We took zero notice of the schools they had attended. There is also a big move to eliminate old boys club type recruiting in the city with blind recruitment which I applaud.

I think personality is the one thing that influences outcomes far more than many consider and if people can communicate well. My friends husband has done the best out of all of us financially. He earns ridiculous amounts of money, he gets bonus that exceed your inheritance often, she is divorcing him, he has no friends and remains boring and nothing is changing that.

I think neither of your options are not well thought out and as a single parent where everything is reliant on you, what happens if you lose your job? this is a chance for an ongoing nest egg that can grow.

What would you use the space for? Just curious!

150k wouldn’t cover R-Y13 around here. Do you have plans for the rest of the fees?

Is the new house in a better catchment? If you are thinking about moving I might consider it into a good catchment.

Can’t you just get a mortgage for the 150k?

This

I think the maths doesn’t math. On a number of levels. To sell a 500k house and buy a 650k house would cost more than the 150k windfall, so you’d be dipping into savings. 4k a month net is not a particularly high income so unless you are certain to earn significantly more in the future, you can’t afford private secondary education from income. If you are genuinely saving half your take home 4k, you are living frugally already in a house which is bigger than you need, and moving to an even bigger house, reducing your savings to do so and taking on bigger running costs is not sensible.

I can't think of anything worse than being a single mum with a 5 (or 4) bed house to clean and maintain, but I probably wouldn't do the school fees either.

You mistake was talking about money.

For me it isn’t the size of the
home which is impirtant, it’s the location. If you’re in a high crime, awful area, then yes move, if not then don’t waste your money on a 5 bed!

And this!!

One adult and a small child in a five bedroom house? Are you serious?