Husband has stormed out because I found messages on his phone

[Welshie2]

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

There's zero reason for him to be able to do that

So he's worried about his career suicide but not the loss of his marriage? He's given you the 12 /18 month line hoping by then you will have forgotten all about it..

What on earth are you on about? She has quoted what her horrible husband has said about the woman he may or may not have been shagging.

She hasn’t at any point said a thing about the woman herself.

and if she had, do you know what? I wouldn’t especially blame her.

she needs you having a go at her, entirely incorrectly, like a hole in the head. Where is YOUR sense of sisterhood?

You can also delete the message that states “You deleted this message”.

You literally just do a long press on the message and you’ll get a pop up saying “delete”.

Same applies for any messages sent by her too.

The fact that the OPs husband was secretive shows that he was fully invested in this flirting

How many men have been caught out because they thought the bimbo was too thick to understand her position

arrogant and sleazy and a mysogynist. Lovely

I don’t believe for a second she randomly sent a message to him about them having sex on his desk completely out of the blue. To have got to that point there would have been, at the absolute minimum, some very obvious flirting going on between them both. WhatsApp messages can be deleted and no evidence left of them having been deleted so I imagine the messages from him overstepping the mark have been deleted. Keep your wits about you, OP.

She may have started the sexting but he must have given her the come on in person for her to send them

no one would send their managers messages like that within a few weeks of working there

he is trying to minimise what has happened and if you hadn’t of looked /spoke about it sure he would have carried on

I wouldn’t trust him at all

yes he can send her a message to say their relationship needs to be business only but that a little too late

WhatsApp says when a message has been deleted

No you can delete those messages! Press and hold on the deletion message and it will ask you if you want to delete it and when you do, it’s gone without a trace.

I am sorry you are going through this. From your messages he appears to put all the blame on her. He has obviously gave her the impression he is interested for her to send messages to begin with and then he went on to not only encourage it but he has been an active participant. I dont think he is being entirely honest with you and if you hadn't of seen the messages it is fair to say it likely would of went further, if it hasn't already. He stormed out because he was likely embarrassed and disappointed he had been caught. I think you stand to be hurt further down the line.

God he really is a nasty piece of work isn’t he?! Kick him out OP he’s a vile man why would you even want to be with him after this. He’ll do it again, or worse in the future. Hold you head high and get our while you can with your sanity intact 💐

Yeah sounds like this woman reallllly cares about the sisterhood while sending messages like that to a married man

If he is arguing that she was chasing him, whatever, how is he explaining the conversation initially where he told you things weren’t working in your relationship and the spark had gone? Is he expecting you to forget that now he’s trying to blame the woman at work for everything?

Or did he storm off for hours, tell her what happened hoping he could stay at hers and she told him no?

I don’t believe messages have been deleted because some other ‘less’ dodgy (but still inappropriate) ones are left on there which he made no attempts to conceal.

She lives with her parents so definitely wasn’t going to have been going there.

Eh? why does her living with her parents mean that he wasn't going there?

Nice 🤦‍♂️ Great husband you have there 😕

I suppose the ones you could be missing are ones where they directly refer to having had sex etc.

you can’t tell unfortunately

You betrayed his trust!!!! He is completely in the wrong and he's angry he got caught. Is this just flirty banter or is it an affair? Both are unacceptable IMO.

A man will admit to a lesser "charge" if he feels it is enough, so whatever he has deleted is much, much worse than simply 'dodgy'

You've got a good man there.

So he knows his behaviour risked both of your safety and security then?

Hes deflecting. Sure theres a lot more than the messages going on aswell. Cut 1 leg off all his trousers x

Why are you more concerned with her than him?

There are a million other “hers” in the world. If it’s not her, it will be the next attractive 20 something. Her changing jobs isn’t what needs to happen.

You need to wake up, smell the coffee and dump him.