AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

I have three boys and a girl. The urge to have more kids didn't stop with her and I think I would have wanted more kids if I had 6. So there's that danger.

I'm not sure this is always true if you have lots of boys then a dd, but my dd is a pretty boy in a skirt. She is in house full of men so has to give as good as she gets. Three boys was an amazing combination. I'm not sure. I'm no help at all but we had no major money worries and all the kids after school clubs are about 2k a year so no one has ever missed out on anything expect private bedroom space.

Also mine have sen so that's a major stressor when dividing your time. Most definitely don't have three + kids unless you are prepaired to split yourself between them leaving very little time for yourself. Maybe that's the important thing. More kids = sacrifices on your time to be present 1:1 with each. Plus the only way to guarantee the sex is pdg ivf abroad at mega bucks.

I must admit I do wonder what the ‘dream daughter’ is when a mum of boys (or not even any children yet) dreams obsessively of having a girl. Is it girly days at nail bars and spas? Is it having a girl best friend, or pretty dresses etc? I’m one of two daughters but don’t really know what the obsession is to specifically want girls.

Putting it ahead of reality would be doing it without thinking about it. If that was the case I wouldn't have put it on here for some perspective!

Having a family has been my only thought in life. I assume I am not at peace as it isn't as big as I would like.

I didn't specifically want girls. I want both. Its how I always imagined it would be so its hard to move away from that.

Why don’t you wait 2 years and see how you are financially etc and decide then. You might find you are happy as you are or you might want to try again but I think you should concentrate on the ones you have and then see how you feel later on.

I have two boys and that's what I wanted. I have two wee cousins (girls), whom I love dearly and thought of them as my "girls", as did my husband. So I was happy with my two boys. Still am!

But I can see why you want a girl.

My sons now have partners and I can honestly say I love them and they love me.

It'll all work out in the end OP.

You keep saying ‘genders’ not sexes, which does imply that ‘girliness’ comes into it.

My grandmother wanted a boy and a girl. She got her girl on the 4th try & then stpppef but my dad & his younger brother (DCs 2 & 3) knew they were disappointments.

Are there no real differences between raising boys or raising girls, then? Obviously there are, and it has little to do with glitter or unicorns.

All I have ever thought about and dreamed of since I was about 14 was kids. I had no dreams for certain careers. No interest in travelling.

Its very hard to change something you have thought about for 15 years when its all you want. But I do know life doesn't care what I want and I have to think very carefully before making such a big decision hence the post.

But the reality is, you cannot in any way control what happens, in the pursuit of nothing more than "I want"

You're an "overthinker" but haven't bothered thinking about sorting getting married, sorting your finances or building a life above the "basic" you said you can provide the children you already have.
Stop worrying about having a female child and work on your relationship and the kids you already have.

I was always planning on waiting a couple of years. Its only because GP mentioned partner having a vasectomy to allow me not to be on contraception which sparked the question in my mind.

That you are thinking this with an 8 week old boy is really problematic.

That’s lovely. My sister was a nightmare growing up. I really couldn’t live with her. She’s not ND but was very difficult to be around. My parents despaired of her. It’s taken decades for me to learn to take a deep breath and not flip. We get on pretty well now, age has finally mellowed her. I felt I missed out on having a nice sister growing up. She’s very intelligent and would treat every interaction like an Oxford Uni debate competition even when we were just kids, exhausting.

Getting married just hasn't been important and I can't change my finances unless I went to get a new career.

GP has sparked the conversation regarding another baby which is the only reason its on my mind so soon.

You're yearning for a girl? When you have a baby boy who's 8 weeks old?

If you could look into a crystal ball and see that your third will be a boy, and you’d still be happy to have a third, then yes, go ahead. If gazing into the future, seeing a boy and then choosing not to have that third child, then no, do not have another one.

Do you have self esteem issues? Why don't you want more for yourself and your boys than just breeding and surviving? Don't you have any other dreams?

Children grow up and leave.

My husband is one of 4 boys... mil wanted a girl - didnt happen. Now she dotes on her granddaughters and the grandsons are largely ignored...

I hope you at least own your home.

Are gender and sex not the same thing? A girl is a girl and a boy is a boy. That is their gender/sex?

Their personalities may not fit the sterotype for that gender/sex but that doesn't change it? I don't care about their personalities being stereotypical of their gender.

I do yes!

Hi OP. These feelings are natural. I have 4 girls. I would have loved a boy and felt like you after the first two girls.

However I have four girls now and absolutely love it. I have no desire for anything different. I am going to go against the grain and say if you want a third baby then go for it because I'm pretty sure you will be happy with whatever you have in the end. Everyone believes their family is perfect and complete (eventually) no matter the gender 🤩 good luck 🍀

That is such a strange attitude. Apparently my great grandmother was like this but dismissive if girls and doting on the boys, but this was like 1900 or something. You’d think people would have got past that by now.

I already feel sad if you do and it's a baby boy. Also, off topic but assuming you are not married as you say partner, please please consider the financial risk of not working. He could walk out tomorrow and you'd have nothing. Please get married ASAP or plan to return to work once baby is a bit older.