AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

Out of curiosity how did you find such a big age gap between your 1/2 and your 3rd. I have considered not having him get a vasectomy and just waiting to see what life is like in 5 or so years but I worry the big age gap will suck!

You should be obsessed with your brand new baby. I guess it’s fine to say you have unfulfilled wishes and disappointment but come on, this isn’t how it should be.

If it was a 8wk girl, would you honestly be thinking about cracking on with the next baby?

A friend of mine did that and had twin boys. 4 boys. She loves them all of course but..

He has said he would happily have a 3rd as long as we had at least a 3 year age gap between 2-3. But its hard to know if hes just saying that because he knows its what I want.

I did, I was very broody for about six months postpartum, both times (boy and girl.) God knows why. So I would recommend letting hormones settle.

Having another child will affect the quality of life for your boys- you said it would be a basic life .
I’d think of what’s best for the DC you already have.

I am very obsessed with my beautiful boy. And I hadn't thought about it until the doctor mentioned other half having a vasectomy instead of me having contraception (I dont handle hormones well).

I am an overthinker so her asking about the vasectomy made me really think about a 3rd and if its what I wanted/ could we cope etc

We haven't booked anything in yet. I need to sort it out at some point.

I don’t think I was in my right mind in either of my PP periods. It's not the time to make any decisions or think long term. See how you feel in a year or two or three. See what life is like and how feasible it feels.

DH has said yes to a third (we have one of each) if I desperately want one but I am parking it for at least until DD is 18 months and then probably a two in the hope I'll go off the idea! But we are getting a bit old for it.

You don't say how old you are OP but if you are under 35 you have time for a larger gap which makes things easier.

His 7 weeks off for paternity leave was a real game changer. He only got 1 weel with our first and only gets 1 proper day off a week with him so having 7 weeks of it mainly being them 2 as I was busy with baby/healing from c section really did transform their relationship.

You say you don’t have any preconceptions of what a girl would be like, but I think you do

you say you wanted a boy first so he could be a big brother (to the girl you wanted to have second), and when you found out your second was a boy you thought it would be nice for your DS to have a boy to play with. Presumably because you think that a girl would have different interests and personality. And because you think boys should be in the role of protector and girls need defending.

you have two healthy children and seem to be able to afford life, which is not a given these days. Focus on what you have.

I'm under 30. I worry a larger gap wont be nice for the kids but I think I may take that idea to give me time to see if finances etc improve and if I can cope with a 3rd.

How will you feel if you have a third and it’s a boy? I know three people who have three boys and no girls.

This nails it. Don't do it.

It really depends on how disappointed you'd be with a third son. If you think there's even a possibility of that, you'd be better not having another.

In another thread you say there's no room for a playpen in your house and your DS1 is playing up.
Might it not be better to pay attention to your existing children?

I know I would be happy if I had another boy but I worry I would then still want a 4th for the girl (and its a vicious cycle). I guess I find it hard to determine if i 100% want another child or another child to try to have at least 1 of each which isn't a good reason to have another.

I'm not planning on having another baby now! It has purely become a discussion point due to doctors asking about my partner having a vasectomy to avoid me having to have contraception I don't handle well.

OP doesn’t need a career if that’s not what she wants, I think many women have forgotten feminism is about choice not pressure. There is absolutely no shame in cutting back on material things to stay home with your children if that’s what’s important to you. It’s exactly what we did, 3 children in 4 years, I stayed home until all of them were at school and have 0 regrets.

I wouldn't be having a 3rd right now. Its only become a discussion point as GP ask about my partner having a vasectomy instead of me being on contraception my body doesn't handle well.

he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently

Doesn't this concern you OP? Both in itself, and in terms of having more children?