AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

Multi Level Marketing. Like pyramid schemes. Just give it a google ...

They are BAD news, and the people involved in them usually target young stay at home mums who are trying to make a few extra pounds. AVOID AVOID AVOID! (BodyShop At Home is one, but there are many...)

Sorry still not sure what this is? Google says multi level marketing?

So why does me not knowing what that is mean I shouldn't homeschool? Why would I have come across that in my life?

So because I haven't come across this I shouldn't homeschool? Do you know what every single acronym in the world stands for? Do you know everything there is to know in the world?

Funnily enough last time I checked people were able to do this magical thing called learn through books and online. If I needed to learn something to teach my child I would learn it. Frankly I would happily do a degree in child education to be able to teach my kids if thats what I decided to do!

Also I don't think my primary age child is going to be learning about MLM's 🙄

Exactly, there is no reason why you shouldn't. As I said to that poster who said why are you homeschooling, if you don't know what an MLM is.

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"Frankly I would happily do a degree in child education to be able to teach my kids if thats what I decided to do!"

How with no spare money, no car, refusal to use childcare etc?

Magical thing called at home degrees! How many many mums retrain whilst with their young kids.

When I was younger I lived by a family who had 6 boys before they had a girl .

But frankly this post has gotten way way off topic so I think I will sign off now. I got the advice I was looking for.

There tend to still be fees involved.

Which you can get funding for.

Of course I don't know everything but I try to learn as much as I can and I try to be aware of gaps in my knowledge.

I learnt a lot at school and I would not have learnt it if I'd been educated at home. I learnt a lot at home that I wouldn't have learnt at school.

A degree in child education will not teach you general knowledge.

You can get IVF treatment in Cyprus where you can choose to have female embryos implanted but it’s around £4k.

So you'd get a loan and get in debt just to homeschool your children?

Primary education degrees have work placements too.

And if I had gaps in my knowledge which my kids needed for their education I would be very capable of reading a book or searching online and learning about it.

I had 2 girls and now expecting a boy, but if i had not had a girl at some point I know i would have found that hard, so i feel for you!
Money is tight for us too, however i do have a very supportive husband who is a devoted father....in your situation that is quite a big red flag.
But you have no rush to make a decision.....you've only just had your second! See how things go parenting two first.....

My point isn't that I am going to. It was into the other poster insinuating my lack of knowledge about MLM's meant I was not intelligent enough to homeschool.

I was making the point that if I needed to fill gaps of knowledge including how to teach then I could do that! Not that I had a plan to do that if I homeschooled.

And actually the open university degree doesn't have placements.

Ha agreed. I really wanted girls and got boys and I’m reading stories here of families of four or six boys with some envy. It was such fun when they were growing up. I secretly wanted a grandson but got grand daughters 😂( that I love to the moon )

You can just admit "ok yes I didn't think about the fees and the placement, perhaps I wouldn't be able to do that"

It is no reflection of your intelligence, it's a reflection of your awareness of the world around you.

And that affects my ability to homeschool because?

I focus on what affects my life and the people around me. No one I know is involved in MLM's so I have never come across it and by the sounds of it that is a good thing!

No because I have thought about the fees and placement as me and my partner have discussed me retraining in something whilst the kids are small several times so I have looked at various degrees both in person and at the open university.

So you can work but you can do work placements?

Yeah this post has massively been derailed. Seriously why do you all waste your time seeing how fixed the OP is in her ways.

OP, does your OH have brothers or sisters? I see a trend amongst friends where if the man have brothers he tends to have sons only or the same sex children 😀 my friend having two girls tried for a boy and got twin girls, you just never know. I’d love to give my boy and girl a sibiling and we can afford it but I’d really worry that my time for the children would be diluted and it’s nice to be just the 4 of us. I see my friends with 3 children really struggle with 1:1 quality time with their children. It all seems chaos.

I can totally understand wanting a girl so go for it if you just want to give your children a sibling but I can guarantee you’ll be 100% disappointed if it’s a boy if you’re already feeling this way.

re after school clubs, I could pick my children up after school but they just love doing sports so they stay an hour extra 3 days a week. On their sick days they cry for not going to school because they miss out on the clubs.

re friendships, yes you’d absolutely have to do a bit of socialising when your kids are at school because if the other mums don’t know you or think you’re antisocial they won’t be inviting your children for play dates. I have a family member like you and I can see how sad it is for their children. I find small talk hard but I make effort to be friendly with other mums for my children.

not sure how is anyone so shocked about the aspect of new mums not returning to work in this country if there are no incentives if you’re at the min-mid wage? It is shocking. This is why so many new mothers decide to stay at home rather than working just to cover the childcare.