AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

They all also involve weekend working which I don't want him doing if I am working monday- friday

Can't do retail work from home, tbf!

But if taking a £15k paycut meant I no longer had to work nights, with a young family and multiple health issues, and that my partner could also find work to increase our household income, I'd do that. One wonders whether he's particularly attached to his colleagues or something to not want to do that.

So why did you say before he'd have to do a complete career change a start from the bottom?

I do a fairly low level office job that pays £30k surely a role with managerial responsibilities would pay more?

A massive part of you wanting to home school is because you are worried about the social interactions.

Again, selfish

I cant go back to the old job. If I got a full time job it would be a new job in a different industry.

Would he be expected to work Saturday and Sunday every week?

Its still a 20k paycut and cant image he would want to work for say a clothes retailer (the ones open 9-5)

He dors currently. He would have to work at least 1 every week.

If you are honest, and really try to be, am I right?

@Karma1387

why? Why do you find the idea so aversive?? No judgement, just genuinely curious!

So store managers get paid £20k less everywhere other than where he works?

Why wouldn't he want to work at a clothes retailer??

I saw a role for an in-store travel consultant which paid very well (more than £35k) - some weekend working but hours started at 8 and ended at 7 depending on your shift. If he can do something like that and has management skills he could easily be on as good a salary in a couple of years, and would get significant discounts on the holidays he says he wants.

It sounds like you haven't had a proper look at all the options out there. If he's on £50k in retail then he must be good at his job.

So you'd still get a day together as a family. But you have to have 2 days precisely otherwise you'll refuse to work for 10-15 years?

If you ever decide to try for a girl look into natural family planning. Female sperm last a lot longer in the womb then male sperm - just make sure you only have a unprotected sex in the time period before you ovulate where it’s expected male sperm will die before you ovulate

It just is something I have no interest in. I can't imagine going out of my way to talk to someone socially or make friends.

Brief pleasentries or work related conversation fine but nothing else.

Not at all. But moving to dsys still occurs a roughly 8k paycut. With the cost of childcare and second car we would financially be the same so he doesn't see the point especially whilst they are young.

Possibly he could. But I don't think he would give up a job he likes with very good progression opportunities for something he doesn't want to do just so I work.

But I will mention it to him as an option.

His company pay very well and he earns about 8k just from doing nights plus sundays. He also gets up to a 10% bonus every year.

He also is no where near a store manager. If he was a large store manager he would lilely be on 100k plus in this company.

He hardly sees them. Maybe that's why he should move to days

But if this meant you could work you would earn more than £8k so overall you'd be better off?

Not at all! My son is so far very social and I hope he keeps that which is why I wont insist on homeschooling if I don't get to a point I feel I could meet that need for him.

I’m in the same boat but mine are 7 and 4 and so the youngest is starting school in September so the timing would be perfect. It would be my last try for a girl and if it was another boy I would accept it as I am meant to be just a boy mum. I absolutely adore my sons and I did always want sons also and I’m glad they have each other as brothers. So I’m thinking do I? I am 34 or do I spend this time on myself now with fitness etc but it’s not as appealing to me because I convince myself I can do both anyways hahahahaha it’s hard isn’t it x

I would earn about £1600 after tax and everything. Minus £1200 childcare and minus probably £2-300 in car and travel costs. So I would earn £100... he would take an 8k paycut for me to effectively earn £100.

So no whilst the kids are young it is 100% not worthwhile besides a tiny pension contribution as we would be worse off.

How do you know he’s very social able when you never ever take him to playgroup or clubs?

If it was financially worthwhile yes.