AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

You said he works in retail with potential high earnings - I assume something like a supermarket given his hours - why would he not be able to work in a store that's open more or less office hours? Or a similar position that would involve managing a team of workers? Why would he need to start from the bottom again?

Free childcare hours in the UK for kids under two in England and in Scotland soon

You said you had no social skills

You

No it is only a discussion point due to GP asking about partner getting a vasectomy. But based on this post I will suffer on contraception and wait a couple of years before deciding.

Yes that was probably a bit dramatic. You have to have some social skills to do the job I did.

Yeah what does he do that a change in days/hours would mean going from £50k down to minimum wage?

Both you and your husband suffer from serious anxiety depression. This is not a couple that should have a third child even setting aside all the other reasons

Yep that £1200 is after 30 free hours and tax free childcare. It only covers 22 hours a week. 10 hours a day of childcare is 50 hours x 2 kids.

I think we are all relieved by that!

I do find the total disinterest in friends a bit jarring.

It wouldnt be a change in days/ hours. It would be a complete career change. He works retail management so even dsy managers work anywhere from 6am-10pm 7 days a week.

Always been the way. Nothing unusual for me whilst I understand to others its odd.

Because retail management even on days requires starts as early as 6am and finish as late at 10pm. With weekend working.

You don't need to work full time

That's a lot easier on your body than nights, though. And there will be town centre shops that are open roughly 9-6 which will limit how early and late those shifts might be - even if fewer hours means a lower wage it wouldn't mean completely starting again from scratch. Unless what he does is particularly niche?

You seem to be intent on looking for problems rather than solutions. A lot of mums when DD was a primary school did shifts at a supermarket nearby. You don't need to work 10 hours a day. Full time where I work is 7 hours a day and it's less than half an hour away. Is every possibly employer an hour's commute and 8 hours or nothing?

I'm sorry this is not the case across the board. An ex of mine works as a manager for a large supermarket and I can assure you he does not work 6am till 10pm 7 days a week

Lots of shops are only open 9-5 though?

To not pay childcare I would need a job working 9.30- 2.30 3 days a week (thats my free childcare hours) that was no more than a 20 min commute in traffic to enable me to not need a second car.

The company he works for pays significantly more than most. He would likely only get 30-35k and no bonus if he moved roles. They also all open weekends.

Well the large supermarket my partner works for which pays more than most have managers start anywhere from 6am depending on department through to 10pm.

You could maybe think of working from home

It doesn't have to be all or nothing! Why is it 10 hours a day or 9.30 - 2.30 every day??