AIBU to consider a third child in hopes of a girl?

[Karma1387]

I'm posting here as it tends to get the most responses and I am trying to make a hard decision.

I have 2 beautiful little boys (2 and 8 weeks) I love them more than I ever thought I could love anyone. However, I feel a constant feeling of wanting to have a little girl. I have spoken to my partner about having a 3rd in 2 years or so and he has agreed but I can't quite bring myself to commit the thought in my mind.

Part of me thinks my partner is agreeing to it as he knows its what I want but he isn't overly invested in the 2 we have currently so I'm not sure.

I am also very concious that I could have a 3rd and it would be another boy (I would love him dearly but would I then want a 4th to try for a girl again)

Thirdly I am very aware that the world is bloody expensive and I am trying really hard not to work (or not more than very part time at a minimum wage job) during my boys childhood. We could technically afford 3 without me working/part time but it would be a very basic life for their entire childhood with very little outings or trips etc.

I know in my heart I want more children but would it be unreasonable given the above?

Yes I have a driving licence! We just only have 1 car.

No I would need a car to get them to childcare then me to work.

Them’s the breaks

That's good news.

My partner wont make me go back to work as he wont give up his career and 20k plus paycut just so he can say I work.

Yep but not something he will do just to be able to say I work as we would be financially worse off.

You never had time as a family until your partner took paternity leave. You said it yourself. You just want to sit at home as long as you can with your kids not working while your partner works full time. That's clear

I think it’s fine. Our original deal was to have a third if we got two of the same sex because I really wanted a girl and he really wanted a boy. We ended up having a girl and a boy but had the third anyway because we could afford it.

I would say wait a bit though. Your DS2 may have additional needs or something that would make a third child harder. Our DS has ASD and we decided to wait a bit before we had the third just so we could see what kind of support he would need. Also, it will be easier once your older son is in school. I had two under two and that was really difficult - and we have a lot of family support.

As long as you would be okay with another boy, I think it’s fine. I don’t think you need to feel bad, you feel how you feel.

He won't have a 20k paycut if you work. That's nonsense

But it's you saying he'd have to give up his career isn't it?

Yes he will as I have told him he would have to quit his job and find a monday-friday 9-5 if I worked full time so he would be starting his career again on a low wage.

No we didnt as I was working the 2 nights he didnt and it bloody sucked for all of us. It is not how I want the rest of our lives to be

You have no right to do that. You are completely selfish and self centered. You are sitting doing nothing while he's working full time with multiple health issues yes?

He's taking the load. You right now are doing nothing.

With the greatest of respect OP, (and congrats on your baby), you are only in the early stages of parenthood. Its a whole journey which you have just started and children grow up and change v quickly..
In 3 years time your eldest will be at school. They'll want to go to birthday parties (expensive), clothes, trainers, tech, then school clubs, music lessons, sports clubs (more trainers!) Their friends will become more exciting to them than you. They won't want you or need you as much. Kids get EXPENSIVE and you working will help fund this. It will also demonstrate work ethic, equality and give you a sense of purpose.
Just keep your options open and dont make decisions based on the assumption your kids will always be tiny.

Yes this - I knew a family who did this and ended up having FIVE boys

She has a two year old and an 8 week old at the moment this is a bit harsh!

Thank goodness!!!

You think. He has anxiety and depression and a sleep disorder and he's working nights and she's sitting on here saying she'll go back to work in ten years when her kids are at secondary school. She wants another child when she says her husband isn't interested in the ones they have

Every excuse under the sun not to work at all. They have zero savings and hardly any equity either.

I completely agree that she should go back to work at some point and is making every excuse to avoid it but saying she's doing nothing when she's looking after two small children alone isn't fair.

And if someone has an 8 week old the last thing they should be doing is sitting asking if they should have another. Many people who have kids work. Both of them. There is no reason why she can't get a job when the youngest is a bit older. None

Ten years. Give me strength

She has a partner. She's not a single parent.

I don’t think wanting a child of a particular gender is a good reason to have a baby OP.

Again. I agree with you and have worked at least 3 days a week since DD was 9 months but saying she is doing nothing while looking after two small children is clearly a bit mean.

Isn't her DH asleep during the day and crap at parenting when he's awake?