AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

[SongsOfSongs]

My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

So what will you do ? Give dd11 the older ones £1 treat money

tho for 11 she needs to start growing up a bit and not in tears every thing esp as assume sept she will go to secondary school

Ps. What film. Just co I’m nosey 😂

This ^^

With bells on

Hunger can be for growth spurts or other issues. Eating in front of TV is distracting and it’s possible it was a genuine thoughtless error. On the day PCOS is redefined as a metabolic disorder…be careful not to cause permanent harm

Does this issue present only with her sister or does it also happen with peers, friends, other family members etc.?

Edamame pods and sushi is hardly a hearty meal is it?
especially for growing pre-teens and possible hormone fluctuations.
it sounds unnecessarily stressful , just divvy everything up beforehand as is the usual procedure for siblings, and maybe get a couple of different sides in future so one hungry person doesn’t feel compelled to fillet more than their ‘share’ because it’s not enough to eat

Didn't see you call people loonies earlier.

Because she likes to eat her main first, or she was distracted watching the film… it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t mean she didn’t want them and it doesn’t mean she didn’t have a right to eat them.

Sushi is actually quite filling, I think. I always manage to eat less of it than I thought I wanted and I do really like it.

@SongsOfSongs I wonder if next time you get this meal you could let your children know that DD11 will be portioning up the edamame beans and may take as many as she likes. Either she will take most of them and feel like she's got her own back which means DD12 will see how it feels, or she'll be generous which is something you can discuss with your other daughter. You can let them know now that this is what will happen next time and why. I don't think a 12 year old needs to have the consequences immediately following the poor choice in a way that a five year old might. And in the mean time, leading up to the next sushi fun, keep modelling kindness and fairness and explicitly explaining your choices.

I also find it hard to believe any child crying over not getting any edamame beans. Maybe she kept quiet on purpose and her tears were tears of relief at having been spared fifteen pieces of green

Ha, my own wicked sister would have done this and then blamed me for existing if she were to be punished.

I wouldn’t read too deeply into this, it’s unlikely to be about emotional eating or whatever. Your eldest was greedy and smugly ate her sister’s food. For that she should lose privileges for a week and apologise to her sister

I’m 55 (AuDHD) and I am okay with sharing to a point but won’t be pressured into it. My ND brain says that people only share so they can have some of your food or whatever.

Like when people have a takeaway - I’m with Smithy and Ness - order what you want and don’t piss about with this communal stuff 😀

I'm not an overeater. But I accept that if I'm sharing some popcorn say with my DH, that if I'm just picking at it, or I'm not eating it at all, that he'll end up eating more of it than me. And that's fine. If I really wanted my full half share (unlikely, as I have a smaller appetite), I'd say something, or put my own portion on a separate plate for later. I wouldn't sit there, watching him eat it, and then burst into tears when it was gone, and make out that I hadn't had the opportunity to eat any, when it was absolutely my choice not to dig in when it was available for me to eat.

You sound like you’re going to give her an aversion to food. She’s apologised let it be.

Because that won’t encourage the younger one to take them all just to be spiteful, causing more conflict 🙄

An aunt of mine used to use the system of letting one sibling divide a treat in half and the other one could choose which one they took. Guarantees accurate portioning without conflict

And your 11yo needs to learn how to deal with her older sister - they are only a year apart. She’s a little old to be crying and getting her sister into trouble.

God yeah. I quite like the seaweed you get in yo sushi. I once bought edamine beans by mistake instead and it was a struggle

I buy the too good to go bags mostly as I don't think it's worth the money otherwise

The OP is choosing to punish the older child

I would make the observation that 30 beans are not really a side that is sensible for sharing. I would have split the beans between them . Not expect them to divide a pot of small beans between them.
They will not be filling. I suspect each daughter would have eaten 30 beans themselves.

Yes it is - when have sushi we get through tons of them while waiting for the next plate to come out! We keep a big bag of edamame in the freezer and my DD will often help herself to a bowlful as a snack!

If you're eating them out of the pods it can be pretty rhythmic, especially if you are watching a film - and the takeaway portions of edamame are tiny compared to the ones you get when eating in.

This thread has made me want to make some of these! sandhyahariharan.co.uk/salt-and-chilli-edamame/

That still doesn't excuse one kid eating the others share. Particularly when she was told it should be shared

Yes I know. What is your point?

That would have been the sensible thing to do tbh

The one that I just made - you called it getting her sister into trouble. The mum has chosen to punish. Some people would not have

I would do as follows. Next time you get a takeaway your older DD gets 2 slices and your younger DD gets as much as she wants. Then they’re quits. From then on, it’s a 50:50 split.