AIBU for making DD12 give up her treat for eating more than her share of a takeaway?

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My DD12 is a big eater and honestly can be quite greedy. She has often tried to take more than her fair share when sharing food with her sister DD11. This weekend, we ordered takeaway and there was a side for the two of them to share. Typically they will divide the side up to start with so there are no complaints about either of them eating too much of it. However, we were in the middle of watching a movie when the food came. I told DD12 to divide the side up and she said "oh, it's ok, we can share it reasonably" and I said fine since we were in a hurry. Maybe 10 minutes later I look and she has eaten all but 2 pieces of the side (out of 30 maybe?). I ask DD11 if she's had any and she bursts into tears and says no. DD12 says sorry repeatedly and that she didn't mean to do it.

It wasn't something that was easy to rectify at the time, so we said that DD12 would owe DD11 something. DD12 is in secondary school and gets an extra pound or so each week to spend on a treat at lunchtime on Wednesdays. AIBU to tell DD12 that she needs to buy the Wednesday treat and bring it home for her sister tomorrow? If there is a better suggestion, please let me know!

If someone has a problem around food, yes investigate it. But if someone eats all the food that was meant to be shared, then just like with anything else, it's reasonable for that to have consequences-just like the post about the office worker who ate all the cakes! That' not body or food shaming, and by high school age, they should understand that, and if not, then you need to discuss it.

You found it hard to control your impulses but you didn’t say anything about the other DD who had her share of food eaten.

What about the other child who only got 2 pieces out of a 30 piece treat meal?

They should just absorb that?

Some projections on this thread are wild. I always forget how much the baggage from our childhoods shapes our perceptions.

My BIL is a greedy eater and ate other peoples share when he was living with us. It was frustrating and I hated him for it...well also because he was inconsiderate generally. You need to address this now so that she knows she needs to be considerate of others when she is living with them.

Similar age gap between my two and we used a one cuts/splits the food and the other chooses their portion first system for fair shares which might help next time. 12-15 year olds do need more food for growing though. I wouldn’t make a fuss, sounds as though your eldest was genuinely remorseful and presume apologised for being piggy.

The food was sitting there in front of her. She chose not to eat it, or to dish up any onto her plate, so presumably she wasn't awfully bothered about eating the edamame.

The selfishness of overeaters will never cease to amaze me.

So we all have to race to dish up our food because you don't have manners or consideration for others?

if you're both sharing from the same pot, yes. It saves all this bullshit of who ate more than their share.

Mom and I often share food, and we still divvy it up before eating.

The power dynamic between the two sisters is an issue.
The younger one allowed the older one to eat most of the side. That you said they should share.

Only when you intervened and asked if she had had any did she show any emotion and burst into tears. Which meant she had stifled her feelings while here sister was munching her way through it all. And was unable to say ‘hey leave some for me’ or take some for herself to her plate. Why not ?

The older sister needs to respect the younger one. I don’t think she does at the moment. The older sister appeared contrite as she had been caught out.

“It saves all this bullshit of who ate more than their share”

You have clearly never lived with someone who has no impulse control around food.

you clearly didn't read my earlier post where i told everyone i literally had an older brother who STOLE FOOD OFF MY PLATE.

Which is WHY i always divvy up and don't share from the same plate/bowl.

It was a few edamame beans.

Agree with this, unfortunately.

If it helps my 15 year old is the same, oblivious to sensible sharing. Eg we bought a packet of 5 doughnuts. There are 5 people in the family. He ate one, then later on the last one, and then was somewhat baffled/abashed when told off for not leaving one for his sister. He will also finish a packet of cereal in two days so if someone else has a favourite they have to hide it from him. I don't think he actually does it on purpose, just unthinkingly. We don't exactly punish him but we do point it out to him and try and get him to think of others. But anytime we buy anything special we do tend to put notes on it telling him not to eat it all, or hide it from him if it belongs to someone else. We've also told him to buy replacements for his siblings when he's eaten their stuff before. I think 12 is old enough to understand a delayed natural consequence.

Quite. We teach our 6 year old that she can't take loads from shared dishes,as she has to think of others . She now even checks who wants second helpings before she takes any more.

Which it would be, if it’s going to be your whole dinner, which was the case here. OP says the children often ask for sushi, so I’m sure they know how much they need to fill them up.
And even if it wasn’t enough for whatever reason (growth spurt, didn’t have much for lunch…) if you’ve finished your meal you can have something else in the house like fruit or toast, not your sister’s share of the edamame beans.

That she’d specifically chosen and was looking forward to.

I didn't suggest the sister was right for taking the beans. Just that I don't think sushi is very filling

My Dd ( now adult) still has issues around sharing food. I think it is linked to emotion. She is fine so long as she knows that what is on her plate is hers. Asking a child , even a 12 year old to police themselves over dividing food when they want more than their share is setting them to fail and then compound the failure with guilt.I am not sure 'punishment' or consequences are the right way to deal with this. The issue is deeper.

Well unless you are all psychic and know how much to take. Taking over other people’s plates is selfish. But if it is shared, it is a total pain. you have to do the awkward English thing of ‘did you want some more’ ’no no you have it’ ’are you sure’ ad infinitum. Just portion the bloody food!

But didn't notice they'd been eaten... 🤔🤔

Siblings need to be taught to respect each other, and love each other. It doesn’t happen naturally. If anything, there is a potential built in resentment to a younger sibling who has arrived on the scene. Taking up all attention and time if you please !
You have to literally teach them to regard and look out for each other. To value each other. To be sisters.
Otherwise they possibly won’t have the relationship you imagine will develop.

No, it wouldn't be an issue for me if one of my children ate the whole pot of vegetables. I would be actually very happy about it.
She was clearly hungry. Next time just divide the food before they start eating. Don't punish kids over food! Maybe you could have told her to wash up the dishes that day or something, but what you're proposing is too complicated and sounds excessive.

How did the twelve year old manage to eat 28 (?!!) pieces of this dish without anyone noticing or commenting? If you know this is an issue, the adults needed to supervise better and ensure the dish was fairly split.
Does your younger child have difficulty asserting themselves with their older sibling? Wouldn’t most 11 year olds say something? ‘Hoi, you greedy get, I’ve to have half of that!’ Or did the child not notice till it was too late?
I think I would be more inclined to talk to the 12 year old about their behaviour than to punish as such, because the adults need to take some responsibility for how this went down. I can’t imagine not seeing that my similar age daughter was scoffing such a huge amount of food while another child had hardly anything.