AIBU to be shocked my sister's friends have completely frozen her out after affair?

[Yogarunningcoffee]

My sister very stupidly has had an affair and been found out. Her husband is understandably devastated and has started divorce proceedings.

Since the affair came to light, my sister’s friends have completely frozen her out - there has been no contact at all from any of the women she was friends with.

DSis moved away when she met her husband, and as a result all of her friends are people she met through him. They all seemed to be really close and spent huge amounts of time together including going away on holiday etc.

I do understand that she’s done wrong but AIBU to be quite shocked at how quickly she has been dropped by seemingly close friends ?! She doesn’t have any other friends in the area and I’m really worried that she’s completely isolated whilst in a bad way mentally.

How is it disgusting? We don't exactly know the circumstances as to why this person's sister sought out an affair in the first place. But if we are being honest, my money is on the husband being abusive financially and/or physically. Your ire is misplaced frankly.

Exactly this. Nobody has a right to expect that others not have opinions on or reactions to their conduct. You are actually allowed to judge people and prefer not to be around them.

They only talk to her because of him now she's not with him they have no reason to keep in contact. It's got nothing to do with her cheating on him it's just how things are. It's most probably his home country she lives in and his close friends from growing up or university. I think the best thing she should do is go home back to her own family and rebuild her life. Op should support her in getting her home and not allow her to tortur herself anymore. I do wonder why op came on here to share this when she should be on the phone supporting her sister.

I think civilisation would be vastly improved if we brought back "shunning". Sadly in 2026 you can be as much of an arse as you like and rarely face consequences. Your sister did something awful, it's healthy that she has negative consequences and it's good that her husband has support.

He could have been a swine to her. I would assume the majority of his friends are males and their wife's or girlfriends just tag along. They could be thinking serves him right.

The “real life is messy” people make it sound like affairs happen inadvertently - oops, I just slept with some one, several times, how did that happen?

It can be difficult to face up to the fact that you’re a duplicitous, cowardly shit, I get that. But affairs aren’t “one of those things”.

OMG there's so much judgement going on here! No one knows what goes on behind closed doors people!!!!!

I feel a bit for your sister, it must be difficult being so isolated when she’s going through a separation. But unfortunately this was always going to happen. As many pp’s have said the primary relationship was with her dh so he is the one to get the friends in a separation, particularly when there are ‘sides’ to be taken.

I have known people driven to feel suicidal due to their partner’s cheating so let’s not diminish how devastating it can be. Personally for me it’s up there on traumatic experiences too.

Should be considered abuse tbh.

Why are women yet again tripping all over themselves to try and feel sorry for the man? Have we forgotten all of a sudden what the men in our lives are like? Abuse? Really? I think the truth of the matter will be more along the lines of the poor woman who is now isolated from all her friends at the hands of a manipulative/abusive man who forced her into the arms of someone who gave her a crumb of the affection she should have been getting in the first place. That is abuse.

Get real folks.

Maybe her new lover's friends will be more supportive than those of the man whose heart she broke?

This woman had an affair because she chose to. and there is no reason to suspect abuse.

He is hurting, she is his abuser.

Men suffer too. How dare you suggest otherwise?!

I am a woman who survived severe domestic abuse, and I do not in any way agree with what you are saying.

And thinking further, a truly abusive man wouldnt divorce her. He would punish her for every day of her life going forward. To him it is the ultimate weapon. "I can do whatever I want because you had an affair". He wouldnt leave and try to recover and start again.

There are loads of shitty abusive women out there. I'm queer, and have experienced abuse from female partners. Everytime I've been bullied as an adult it has been by other women. At the end of the day women are people, and some of us just plain suck. We don't do women or feminism any favors by portraying every woman as an innocent victim. Hell, I had a drug problem when I was younger and did my fair share of shitty, awful behavior when it was bad. It wasn't any guys fault, just my own. Accepting that and no longer blaming others is what helped me get better.

IKR? Amazing that no one here has had to deal with conflicted or changing feelings, or has never had a moment of weakness or made a mistake.

The progressive left perfected it ten years ago. It has made shunning into a fine art.

Did they know about the affair? Because if I found out one of my close friends was in a relationship I didn’t know about, I’d probably realise we weren’t that close any more and fade out too…

If the sister only knows this group of friends then you've got to be wondering who the affair partner is/was. It might be a bit closer to home. OP hasn't let us in on this. But it might explain the complete shunning.

If it had been him cheating on OPs sister would she still be friends with him. I very much doubt it.

Fuck around and find out.

How so?

No, but does that justify her dipping her pen in another man’s inkwell? It does not.

Why would any married girlfriends stay friends with a woman who clearly disrespects the sanctity of marriage? She would be deemed a risk to their own families.
They could also be in unison with their husbands in supporting her husband.

Your sister should move back and make a new start with people who genuinely care for her welfare.

They are all probably worried about their own husbands.

Why is she that amazing all men want to sleep with her?