To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

[CurdinHenry]

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

Yeah silly me. I bet it was there even through the trauma that made me give it all up

Yes, she probably does!

I’m starting to think that the OP isn’t the only one who needs therapy. You’re a broken record.

Well I didn’t use that decision to try to put people down like the OP and possibly you (why would you assume anyone would think it weird, unless it is your opinion?) . So I’m fine with that.

In my post that you quoted 🤷‍♀️

I don’t really worry about my face. 54, always had clear skin, never any work done. I think I’m attractive and always will be at least while I am healthy because I am curious about the world around me and I like connecting with people and always find reasons to laugh and I do a lot of smiling. Maybe not sexy like I might have been in my 20s but definitely still attractive. None of that is about what I look like - it’s about how I am in the world.

I think many people would think a decision like the one you have made is "not normal" or it's not one one adopted by the vast majority of people. It is unusual . Some might even say YOU have an issue as you said the OP has and should seek some therapy. You're being superior ( yeah I don't know anything about the history you and this poster have ) BUT who are you to tell someone they have an issue and to seek therapy about some cosmetics when you live life like this in an extraordinary way . You seem badly affected by this thread for some reason even going on to tell people you fucked your way across the county or was it country?

There was a study showing that the more mirrors you have in your house, the unhappier you are with your appearance. The human brain loves finding problems to solve, so try recognising that when you look in the mirror, you are looking for problems and everyone can find them, even a supermodel.

I have a couple of incredibly scary, exhilarating and life enhancing hobbies (horses & mountains) that mean I don’t have the time, money or lifestyle to think too much about my face. Which is actually rather wonderful. I remember my mum’s obsession with wrinkles and looking old and have chosen to tread a very different path through life.

Ha! I'm def not ugly but sahm so earn nothing, few friends and no sex life (asexual). I'm happy to get less attention now at 46 than when I was younger. Could be the RBF that comes with perimeno as well 😅

So @CurdinHenry I’m 73 this year. I found my first grey hair when I was 16 and gave up on the dye completely when I was 43, I’ve been silver for almost 30 years now. Apart from spending an obscene amount of money on very expensive skin care I’ve never had anything done to my face. I keep my weight at the upper end of healthy because I look haggard if I’m too thin, I’ve chosen my face over my bum.

The thing is that people are genuinely incredulous when I tell them how old I am. My hairdresser tells me that the way I dress is a million miles from old lady and that my outlook on the world is untypical of my age. I think I’m just genetically lucky as I have no lines on my forehead and no jowls. My chin is a disaster area and I have a lot of lines round my eyes - the only way to defer those is not to laugh and that’s not a price I’m prepared to pay. As long as my husband thinks I’m beautiful - and he does - that’s good enough for me.

The thing I learnt a very long time ago is that we’re all our own worst critic. And that ageing is a privilege.

But when/ if you have a saggy neck and jowls will you feel the same?

Maybe it’s the equivalent of looking back on old photos of ourselves? At the time we feel insecure and not beautiful, but when we look back we wonder what we were worried about and would kill to look like that now!

When I’m in my 60s I’ll wish I looked like I do now in my 40s. So after years wishing I looked different, I’m fed up of wasting what I’ve got now!

This is brilliant and sums it up. I think im not vain and then I see myself. OUCH. Then I forget and think I’m fabulous again.

Im in my 60s, I still love fashion and looking nice, in addition to a very busy life in spite of being retired. Ive 4 kids and 4 grandchildren.

I wss never tempted to get surgery or botox and fillers even though I saw the inevitable signs of aging.

Until, five years ago at the age of 64 I saw a huge cross line between my eyebrows, in addition to downturned mouth. Both made me look very sad and angry, which I wasnt.

A touch of botox and bit of filler and no I dont look odd, I just don't look like Im either about to thump you one or burst into tears.

Ill keep doing it every 6 months until I feel its not working. I want to look the way I feel,,, NOT younger.

I still have lots of other crinkles around my eyes and face so its just the angry ones thats gone😆

I think I'm lucky TBH as I've always been quite plain so never had that panic moment at my 'fading beauty'.😆
I'm more invested in my physical health really. I'm probably fitter and more active now in my early fifties then at any other age before. I don't look in the mirror and pick apart my face though, if I look healthy and happy then it's all good!

I try and keep my eyebrows tidy and I pluck chin hairs. I cleanse and moisturise. But apart from that I don’t do anything to my face. I have considered it though. But I will never go through with it.

i am more self conscious of my body, tbh.

I was referring to a perfectly nice exchange on another thread. It was about ONS and I said something similar which is why I mentioned it.

Several posters have said the OP is obsessed with her looks due to childhood issues. Hence why I (and others) suggested therapy as it’s obviously something deep. I just think that being scared to get older to the extent of the OP is unusual and clearly stems from her trauma.

I am in no way superior. After all, as the OP pointed out, ugly people are inferior in any case.

Using words/phrases like ‘not normal’ or ‘weird’ is pejorative. I don’t say the way I live my life is standard nor do I suggest anyone else does it.

You are the one who seems to be taking anything said to the OP personally.

They can, I didn't say they can't. I'm just answering the OPs question and this is my thought process to avoid worrying unduly about my aging.

I’m 65 and don’t feel bad about my face.

I have no intention of having a facelift, Botox or other “tweakments”. I do, however, have my chin and upper lip waxed every couple of months!

I’m almost 50. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about any of it. I was at a friend’s house and she complained about her hooded eyes and how she was thinking of getting them done. It prompted me to look at mine, which were far worse - but I just didn’t care.

I have seen people get stuff done and have no idea why they do it. One woman (stunningly attractive) got her eyes done and she looked permanently started. She looked better before.

I don’t dye my hair. It’s got a few greys, but again I couldn’t give a shit.

I don’t know how you master this. I think that appearance does impact how certain people treat you. I guess I think of those people as cunts. And don’t value anything they say if they are judging on appearance.

Just don't look in the mirror much and get on with your life.

Now those are words to live by! Love it!

but but but ... I still see my face on zoom calls 😱

I'm aged 46, I don't care about the aging process. I've known too many people, close friends, who have died in their 30's & 40's who would have loved the chance to grow old and wrinkly that I embrace the change.