To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

[CurdinHenry]

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

I earn more than my colleagues, have been promoted plenty, never been sacked, have amazing friends (as opposed to having loads of shallow fuckers!) and shagged plenty back in the day.

You spout this crap to what? Justify how you feel about aging?

You clearly find your self esteem from trying to separate yourself from the ‘ugly’ people. You do you but actually it’s not only looks than can be ugly.

My urge to attract disappeared when I was 30 - I recommend it to anyone 😬

I meant the subconscious urge. You may not be aware of it.

No that's not true for everyone 😂

Which part isn't true? That the urge to attract would decline as the hormones decline? I guess it's a big thing for some women.

When I look at older celebrities who haven't had work done, I think they still look fantastic. They don't look young, they look their age, but I invariably think they look better than the ones who have tried to cheat aging with botox etc.

I am not happy with my teeth or going grey. But I keep thinking about how much it costs to fix those things and what I'd rather do with the money instead and invariably I spend the money on holidays or something! Would anyone in my life love me more with straighter teeth? Would I love my friend more if she hadn't gone grey in her 30s? Um, no.

How did I have a subconscious urge when I made the happy decision to avoid sex and relationships for the rest of my life?

It's not always about other people ! It may well be about a person wanting to do something for themself. Why can they not do this?

I despair that women still value themselves by how attractive they think they are!

https://www.thetimes.com/uk/science/article/ugly-people-lives-shorter-research-rhphvpr8g

I mean I didn't invent caring about how one looks

You say that's a happy decision for you. Others would think that's just plain weird. Each to their own. How would you like people telling you to get therapy for that?

I think that there’s a fine line between wanting to look good and becoming a bit too obsessed over our looks changing with age.

I try to focus my energy on wearing clothes,
doing my hair etc that make me feel good about myself.

An expression I really love is… “you will never be as young and beautiful as you are today” So just enjoy today and feel good about yourself 😊

Three of my family died at a much younger age than I am now. I'm not saying that I don't roll my eyes and groan whenever I see my wrinkled face and neck in the mirror because I do. But then I tell myself I'm lucky to still be here and to stop whining!

I remember my lovely Nan being very self-conscious about her wrinkles and laughter lines but she had the kindest face, gorgeous blue eyes and when she laughed her whole face lit up. Often, while we're focusing on our wrinkles, other people are focusing on entirely different aspects of our face.

I think that's wise (as is the pp who said don't look in the mirror too much - I actually don't, believe it or not). I guess I'd just like to master the art of absolutely not caring at all. Not sure if I'll ever get there.

Because it's nothing to do with celibacy.

I don’t think not caring is an art you can master. It’s more of a calling!

I’m 46 and on a budget, have never had anything injected. I definitely feel more creased and knackered! I try and see the bigger picture, look at others and see the beauty in them and not scrutinise their eye lids (for example!). And like a pp said, see older celebs who haven’t had work and look more natural and still see how amazing they look. Just basically try not to “see” age as much (much like we do in men, George clooney’s eye wrinkles don’t get half as much analysis as Cameron Diaz’s for example).

I use what I think will be good long term in skincare so I take a collagen, biotin, hyalauronic acid and vit c mix (I put in my coffee) approx £20 a month or so plus retinol via skin&me - I get the stronger 0.05 dose but don’t use it every day so probably £25 every 6 weeks or so. Then I use cheaper non active products for the rest of my skincare.

Please explain how I have been subconsciously anxious to attract someone despite knowing on every level it wasn’t what I wanted? I’m curious.

Well that's what I said 🤷‍♀️

Funnily enough I'm the same age and in the same thought process and it's making me want to get things done for the first time! Life is short, why not spend a bit of money on my looks. I am not ready for surgery, but have looked at thread lifts and botox just to help lift the outer corners of the eyes. I'm excited to do it!

Being celibate doesn't mean no sexual urge or no urge to attract. In any case, I'm arguing that it's subconscious so you can't really argue with me that you definitely don't have this because you wouldn't be aware of it.
We just disagree.

Well?

I'm having a hard time understanding people on this thread.
When did you say that?

I’m very much enjoying my crone era and leaning into it. Much as I enjoyed my beautiful youth. I’m also one of those people who just loves seasons, and embracing change. Also my best mate died of cancer at age 39 and I remember her saying to me on our last holiday together that she just wanted the chance to become a pot bellied short grey haired whisker chinned old woman and it always gives me context if I’m feeling my years.

Okay so I had no sexual urge. At all. And the one time I suspected someone might be attracted, I legged it.