To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

[CurdinHenry]

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

Do you have a partner? If so how do they make you feel?

I’m 45
still working like a dream and no impact on my eye lids

I’m late 40s and always like to feel good when I go out somewhere nice. To feel good means to look good. So far I feel lucky that as long as I go to the gym and do high intensity workouts regularly that’s enough for me to think that my face is ageing well.

I wouldn’t be adverse to Botox and think I will probably need some help in a few years time but the beauty industry is something I know nothing about. Even my 15 yo is teaching me skin care. Any tips on where to get Botox or is there anything better on the market?

He thinks I'm beautiful and when I raised the possibility of getting a blepharoplasty he said he would be really upset by it if I did because it's unnecessary.

I am very lucky to have him!! It's not just about sexual attractiveness, though.

There are lots of reasons I don’t do what you do:

1. I think the Botox/surgery look is a look on its own right. It’s quite different from the natural look. And I don’t like it. To me it smacks of insecurity and tackiness. And everyone looks the same - or at least, like they’re trying to. It’s as if everyone was dressing in some fashion era that I hated.

2. I love my body. I want to nourish it and exercise it and look after it. I don’t want to inject it with poisons or cut it up.

3. I want to look good for my age. I don’t want to look a different age. That’s just confusing for everyone. That would be like erasing my wisdom and life experience. I think of those body swap films, where someone ends up in a teenage body. In reality, they’d be bored by the inanity of repeating everything they’d already lived through.

Aging is inevitable, unavoidable and a privilege. I look after myself in that I exercise regular, I walk about 40 miles a week and weight train daily, I eat a healthy diet, I look after my skin. I also Botox, Profhilo and have various treatments ( eyebrows etc) that make me feel good. And no, it’s not for “men”. My husband doesn’t give a shite and I don’t give a shite what anyone else thinks. It’s for me. Do I look 20? Ha, no! Do I look the best I can for now? I think so. That works for me.
And yes, if Botox is affecting your eyelids, get a different practitioner.

Really? Do you and the women you know choose your friends according to how fresh & young they look?

If a woman, noticing gravity's effect on her appearance, feels slightly worried that other women may find her less appealing - well, I'd say she's unusual. As far as I know, lesbians don't feel this way, either, but I was thinking mainly about a het woman.

You might just have a naturally better face than me, then. I'm told it's normal for it to stop working around my age, though (alas).

Did you grow up being told you were ugly by people?

Seriously you need to try someone else

Yeah except we are all trapped in bodies that will age and turn against us and I think it's ok to be scared by that. It's sort of a horror film made real.

I could die tomorrow and I genuinely think I'm ok with that I've had some adventures but even so I struggle with an old lady face in the mirror.

It's not a panacea. Not everyone has such thin skin as me so if you are lucky maybe it will never stop helping.

you don’t sound … happy.

Are you? Good friends? Enjoy work?

I grew up being ugly. It's no joke!

You’d benefit from therapy rather than surgery

I have a great life I'm very grateful. I just don't feel ready to let go of the ten years in which I felt attractive!

You’ve either misunderstood me or are you saying women want to look good for men?

I believe that everyone wants to look good for themselves.

Absolutely transformational. My only regret is not doing this bit earlier.
Botox doesn’t “look awful”. BAD Botox looks awful. If it’s not badly done, you won’t even know it’s there.
My husband, mother and best friends don’t notice mine. DH is my “test” for if I ever start looking done or weird. He thoroughly disapproves of injectables and if he ever suspected I had them, he would start a row immediately. It’s been 7 years. No row.

Have you tried Profhilo op? It hurts for the 5 minutes it takes to get it, but it has made a real difference, to me anyway. I’ve no desire to try fillers so this seems like a middle ground for me.

I’m 45 planning to ruin the last of my looks and figure on another pregnancy/baby then booking in after for facelift and anything else that needs doing!

I don't have to look at my face - everyone else has to, seriously put a bit of makeup on and forget about it.

Its a privilege to grow old, embrace your face with kindness, like an old friend you've been with all your life

I've truly never cared about ageing, I see it for what it is, a natural & normal process. I've also had friends die young (20's & 30's) so I would never consider wasting my time & energy on worrying about old how I look. They only think I have 'done' is lazer hair removal on my face as I'd look like a monkey!

I’m 68, have had silver grey hair now for 7 years and my face tells the story of a life well lived with many ups and downs along the way. I love it. It’s real. It’s me.

This sounds like the best of both worlds to me!

I get my dao done and it's AMAZING tbf

Eyelids remain a sadface