To ask if you've mastered the art of not feeling bad about an ageing face

[CurdinHenry]

I spend too much on vanity and think it would be sensible to roll it back and stop thinking about it (I'm soon to turn 45). Obviously physical health is important but I mean the Botox/etc side of things.

HOWEVER my eyelids bother me and so will my everything else when it all eventually starts to go natural. I'll still dye my hair forever unless Armageddon happens in my lifetime.

I think the forties are an age of power and I am so pleased with my career and everything else so I want to stop being weakened by this one thing.

I think it’s perfectly possible and acceptable to appreciate life and aging as a gift alongside wanting to look your best and most refreshed ? It’s not vain to try and make the most of yourself and have anti aging procedures and doesn’t mean you take life for granted if that’s what you want to do.

I've been told you can't get this on the eyes sadly! Not to be one track about it

I get you, OP. I’m 57

I’m still happy with the way I look. I’ve been on weight loss injections for 18 months so I’m even more happy - and I’ve stopped whilst I’ve still got some squidge, which I think helps too.

I have Botox, hair cut and coloured regularly, eyelash lifts, gel nails etc.

like you, I have a demanding job I’m happy with so I enjoy having a ‘look’.

i would say I look late 40s/very early 50s. I think lots of women look a bit younger these days.

my eyelids were getting heavy, which I did notice, but my Botox has sorted that so perhaps ask your technician?

You are right. Life is short. So if it makes people feel great, getting their nails done, taking mounjarro, getting Botox and having aesthetic treatments, then I would say go for it. Do what makes you happy and take no notice of what anyone else thinks.

Thanks I will ask. It's that extra little frill of skin sticking out that gets me down.

I'm 47. Never been remotely bothered by my aging face, greying hair or rosacea. I caught sight of my hand resting on the steering wheel at a long red light the other day and thought it suddenly looked far older than it did until fairly recently. Found it fascinating rather than upsetting.

Ok. Try a FOREO Bear and Gua Sha. Both do work on the eyelids if you use them daily (takes 5 minutes).

Looking 'good' is being defined here as looking younger - less sagging, basically.

If women want to look 24 'for themselves', they've got some pretty strange values. They must feel they don't like their own appearance unless it approximates the type (young, fresh) most often desired by men. So, yes, they are judging themselves by a standard set by male sexuality.

I'm 40 and refusing to do much beyond sticking to a Neutrogena regime 3 times a day. I made up my mind channel Tyne Daly as my inspiration in the coming years. Predominantly because I have daughters to teach there's more to a woman than her skin, but I also have too much on my plate and precious little in my "giving a " storage to mess with anything else.

Tbh I am enjoying aging. God gives and takes away right, so I can admit that a) I had a terribly abusive childhood (7 ACE's) but b) when I was a teen and beyond, was nice looking and sexy, as long as I remained slim. I had a tiny waist, pretty face and lush thick hair. It brought it's own issues, good and bad.

Now I am 51, through menopause, starting to go grey and tbh.....i like it. My face isnt bad yet and I've slowed down the heavy exercise. I dont drink much now, I go to bed really early, I'm getting old etc. I like it. I wish I would fade more into the background, but I dress too well for that lol!

I've never had any facial surgery and never will, I think it looks dreadful and obvious. I will not have highlights in my hair again either because it ruins it and I'm all about the natural now. My hair is long and super soft and I'm not ruining it with dye.

The biggest age related angst I went through had to do with VA (peri side effect) and I was not ready for that, so I resolved it. I wasnt ready to lose my sex life and have not.

It's a tough one, if looks define a person, because they do change. But I'm mentally ready for that now. Live each life stage fully and then you'll be ready for the next one.

Everything changes right, and we have never lived this bit so we are still learning.

Thank you!

Yes, many years someone gave me a positive affirmation for looking in the mirror: smile and say to yourself "I'm going to like what I see".

It really works unless it's in the loo on the first floor at work - that mirror is fucking brutal!.

I think not looking in the mirror too much helps tbh. I am mourning the loss of my 'young' (ie non droopy, or lined) face as I head towards 51. I am at the stage where I get a bit of a shock seeing myself in photos etc. Im still quite confident in my looks and keep my skin and hair healthy, but still, I do feel sadness to observe my face aging. Looks-wise, my aim is now to be an attractive older woman, not to look young. Practising gratitude helps greatly. There are people on this planet who would give anything to have something as shallow as an aging face as one of their few worries.

Nope. I couldn’t give a shiny shite what men or women think and I’m obviously never going to look 24 again, nor would I want to. It’s for me. And as an educated, articulate, financially independent woman, I know why I make the choices I do, better than you.

I think it's a copy and paste from the nail one on Style and Beauty .

I disagree. I think most of those who don’t like the sagging face due to ageing want rid of the sagging they don’t like looking at. Once rid and now happier without the sag, if that then makes them look slightly younger, happy days!

It’s not to be desirable to men but to be comfortable in your own skin.

Yeah I agree tbh. I want to look like how I feel inside (which is my age but a confident and appealing version of it).

My husband is 10 years older than me (I'm 44 in a few weeks)
He worships the ground I walk on. So as a result I don't give a fuck about getting old

I actually think looking attractive in situations that are awful is even more important. Attractive people are more likely to find people willing to help them survive.

Tbf, you’ll always look young to him as he’s 10 years ahead of you.

I was never good looking and didn’t bother with makeup and skincare at all etc as it seemed pointless. I’m grateful that I didn’t when I see the angst from women about getting older. It didn’t hold me back in life.

If looking older bothers you, you have clearly benefitted from being attractive at some point. So that’s perhaps something to be grateful for?

Wow. That’s an interesting view.

My DH is older than me by more than that and even after a long marriage thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread (poor chap!) I still care, for me.

The only thing that will help get rid of excess skin in the upper eye lid is an upper blepharoplasty. As far as cosmetic surgery goes, it is a fairly straightforward procedure done under local anaesthetic.

If you want an upper bleph, your dh should support you in that rather than require you to battle his feelings as well. That is emotional blackmail dressed up as 'love' and a tad controlling.

What is important is what you want.

Wtf!