Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

This is irrelevant. She could wait like everyone has to

This is just so wrong
go to the accessible toilets

Not everyone can wait.

To anyone who thinks its fine for dads to take girls into the ladies...

Would you be ok with your preteen DD being alone in the ladies, no other women, when a unknown father was to enter?

Yes, so she could call out to him to help her. Was the door slightly ajar, so all he had to do was push it open, and help her off the toilet seat, and help her with clothing? Only those with no understanding of such things, are so quick to judge. Never mind.

I can’t wait. If that man was in the ladies I’d have had to wait. Why does his preference trump my legal rights? Why is my dignity worth less than his wife’s ?

I do understand, but she might have been really needing you have no idea what was going on with the disabled toilet what was she to do ?

Does not mean men in ladies

Read my post I said if there is no other choice! Plus he’s BLIND he can’t look at you even if he wanted to.

Exactly

She doesn’t have the right to immediate access to a toilet. All of us have to plan that we might have to wait. Why is she different?

It amazes me how people are unable to show a small amount of compassion in a situation that is very rare

before disabled toilets were introduced my grandad took my grandmother into the ladies (she had terminal cancer and died not long after so was clearly very ill) and a woman in there had a massive go at him. He didn’t understand a word (just the tone) because he was french and in France he had no issue with this. People understood he was trying to give his wife some dignity which going to the men’s would not.

Exactly.

How can people think it's ok to do as they please as if their circumstances are more important than anyone else's?!

Many of us have experience of disability and that does not mean we do as we please regarding public facilities.

Use accessible facilities, not the ladies.

Men should not be in the ladies toilets

This is non negotiable

Weird af

Why on earth would he do this?

I'm sorry but if anyone needs that much help then they wear Tena pads (like I do before you pick a fight about that) so waiting for the disabled to come free isn't a disaster. And if they don't, then they should.

It isn't acceptable for a man to be in the ladies loo if there is a working disabled loo.

No. It is not ok. They should use the disabled

Some people can't wait. Have you not heard of conditions such as IBS, Chron's, etc? Obviously not!

It's NEVER okay. All those people arguing that their situation necessitated it, it's NEVER okay.

I have a bowel condition with urgency

I’ve never heard of dads going in the ladies with their daughters until MN. My dad wouldn’t have been seen dead in the ladies loos.

It isn't about him. It is about women. We don't want men in women's facilities. It is of course challenging with disabilities so we must all be organised and plan ahead. Not take men into women's areas.

But surely it is in case she needed further help? She was physically disabled to have needed a zimmer frame. She could have had a fall.

Plan ahead.

I have Genito urinary issues as a result of menopause. When I need to go I need to go right now.

I can’t hold on for any length of time.

if that man was in there, I’d have wet myself waiting for him and his wife to leave. How is that fair?

Why do you think it's a preference? His preference was likely the disabled toilet as it is easier when you are a carer. If it wasn't available then he did what he thought was best for his wife.

I hate taking my disabled son into the ladies when the disabled one isn't available but I do what I have to do.