Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

And yet you are happy to require a father with young daughter take her into the men’s loos! What did these girls ever do to deserve this complete disregard for their safety? You’re not fooling anyone with this insane inflexibility. It’s not about keeping girls and women safe at all. If it were, you’d understand that some exceptions that allow vulnerable girls and women entry to the women’s toilets with a male carer is what actually makes all girls and women safer. Put yourself in the shoes of a four year old with a single dad or a disabled woman with a husband carer.

There needs to be...

• more accessible toilets
• more family toilets
• less urinals (or further back in the mens toilets so you can access the cubicles without passing them).

Would this cover all scenarios?

You’re one of the ones who’s popped over the trans Reddit repost of this thread right?

no woman would write ‘any concerns I had about men being in woman’s toilets have disappeared after this thread.’ Especially when some have outlined actual sexual abuse that has happened

why would this thread make you think that?

The loos must be wider than average, because in most non disabled cubicles you’d struggle to navigate a zimmer frame and cubicle door, particularly if the door opens inwards. Not exactly dignified for someone who is disabled. Also disabled toilets tend to be higher to make getting on and off them easier. The place needs more disabled toilets, and don’t get me started with baby changing and disabled toilets being lumped together…

Except that is exactly what you are doing.

Yes! So many issues would be solved if that was the case.

I take it you don’t have daughters and haven’t ever been in the mens loo’s before

Individual unisex cubicles is the only solution to this. Then mixed sex couples and patents and children can help each other without suspicion. And all you oddballs that wash your knickers in the sink can do so in private.

Same here.

No. Men make girls less safe in womans toilets. A decent father knows it is inaporopriate to enter the womans unless its an energency.

Because one day his little girl will be a 10yo in there alone.

Would an 11yr old girl - or any number of vulnerable women, feel equipped and brave enough to make that judgement. Before something bad happens.

this man had no need to be in there. Even if the disabled toilet was busy and she needed help, he could have called taken her in then waited outside and periodically called in the door to see if she was finished. It’s just men presuming they can encroach on women’s spaces. Again

Don't be so fucking heartless.
There are times when needs must. Hopefully you won't ever need your husbands help to go to the toilet when out in public because of a disability, but if you do, I'm sure you will think differently.

where we are undressed

🙄

@saraclara is a very long-term MN poster and certainly not a troll from Reddit, so I would apologise and retract that if I were you.

An 11 year old girl should not be going into a public toilet unaccompanied, and that might on occasion mean her father has to check its safe.

The man needed to be there to look after his wife, and keep her safe.

This isn’t complicated.

I had genuinely never considered that men might take a piss without pulling their pants down,

I guess we all live and learn, right.

Eh? Why would a 4 yr old in the cubicle in the men’s with her dad be in danger.

Surely you can see that my 10yr old on her own in the women’s would be in more danger if we accepted men in there?

There are disabled toilets and forward planning. If a man knows he will be on his own with his daughter/ underage child he should out of respect for his daughter , her mother or " his dead or not present " female not go into female only spaces. If hes got a small child, plan. Men should not be in female only spaces full stop.
🙄

haha..that was a joke right? Or are you genuinely threatening me on an anonymous forum….

That would no longer be any friend of mine, and indeed I have lost friends for my GC views. Still waiting for an apology from them that giving their under-18 year old child puberty blockers was a good idea.

If the situation was as described - the man was making himself known and, explaining to anyone who came in that he was helping his disabled wife than I, personally, would be fine with that.

Presumably the disabled facility was occupied or otherwise unavailable, otherwise they wouldn't have been in there in the first place.

You'll find there is an argument that single cubicles are unsafe because men can assault women inside them and no one would know.

Men being in women's spaces makes women unsafe.

No threat. But you should know that troll hunting and personal attacks are against the rules.

So an apology and retraction might go some way to not getting banned...

Yet you’re happy for women who have experienced sexual assault and are traumatised by a man in what should be a female space to be excluded.

There was an alternative - the accessible toilet. You can never guarantee that a cubicle is free; I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of needing to wait for one to become free. They should have waited for that.