Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Surely if you’re that traumatised, you wait outside or use a different toilet?

What about the disabled woman, does she have no rights?

No-one is normalising it. We are just saying that in some exceptional circumstances, which includes helping a disabled woman to use the toilet, it is ok.

Good for you. A self contained unisex toilet/basin (like a house) is not an issue for
most people.

However, can you envisage a situation where it may cause a massive problem? Trauma? Religion? Just wanting to keep female spaces female?

That’s not true. It’s unlawful (not criminal)

And again, I ask you for a citation. Which I already did pages ago.

What is either degrading or humiliating about sharing a space which is not a toilet, when you are fully dressed, so is the carer, and he is only there to help his disabled spouse?

Degrading and humiliating to soil yourself because the disabled toilet is free and your husband isn’t allowed to help you use the ladies in case he is a threat to women.

Citation please.

Not sure which way is YABU or YANBU but you are absolutely not unreasonable to have questioned this.

They pretty clearly should have used the disabled toilets in this case; they are normally large enough that he could go in the stall with her if needed. Also, an adult male in charge of a girl too young to use the ladies' by herself should take her into the men's and supervise her closely while in there. In an emergency (ladies' is the only set of toilets functioning, disabled woman needs help and there are no disabled or unisex or family toilets) it may seem like the best option for a man to go into the ladies' but at the very least he should announce that he is entering and wait for anyone to leave who wishes to, similar to how cleaners behave when cleaning a toilet designated for another sex.

Never heard of flashers? They don't all wear dirty macs you know. Most of them have wives ,families jobs and appear completely normal. That's why men shouldn't be in female spaces because they aren't always obvious. We don't know who's safe or not.

How would you use a different toilet? And why should someone when they are in the toilet allocated to their sex?

None of which this man was doing. Yes, women have the right NOT to be subjected to all those things, but apparently disabled women don’t have the right to use the toilet of the person who assists them is a man, and there is no disabled toilet available. She should just piss or shit herself because some other women are so fixed on PROTECTING WOMEN’S SPACES. Not protecting women, or not all women anyway. OP’s slight discomfort is more valid than the woman’s dignity, health, comfort…

While I don't think exception should be made for men in dresses or men with daughter. I don't think I could get upset about a elderly man with his disabled wife.

I'm giving them the benefits of the doubt that the disabled was occupied.

But I also wonder if they were of the mindset that she can still walk (with her walker) so isn't disabled.
Lots of elderly people are very reluctant to admit they aren't fit

Why should the disabled lady use a different toilet when she’s in the one allocated to her sex? Honestly read what you are actually saying and think it through.

After reading this thread I no longer give a fuck about who uses women's toilets. I don't want to be aligned with the ableism and insane opinions on this thread.

If some of you are that traumatised by men well, you can just use the accessible loo, it's free all the time don't you know, or wear incontinence pants if it's that much of a problem. I no longer care.

It horrifies me the amount of times we go out as a family and I have to deal with an absolute poonami on my own, while my partner gets to enjoy his dinner, as the only changing facility is in the women’s toilets. Also, my partner, who is the SAHP, can’t take my daughter swimming (or I won’t let him) as there are no family changing rooms and he is NOT changing her in the men’s changing rooms at our local leisure centre!

All the roasters on here 😂

Ladies toilet : for women

there’s no mystery

I am agreeing men shouldn’t be in women’s spaces. As for flashers, I grew up in the ‘heyday’ for them.

My point is that men with female children should take them into the men’s toilet

Man here.

Other people's discomfort should take precedence over one's own convenience/whim.

In a wine bar in central London, the loos were off a narrow corridor and some genius had Fe- on the left of the door and male on the right. I only saw the male part, was baffled to find a woman washing her hands and was more mortified by the woman's not feeling that she could point out my error than my mistake itself.

Zimmer frame apart, delivering the wife and waiting an agreed period of time outside the toilet would appear less entitled.

Do you have that citation yet?

*for some women, excluding disabled women

The law absolutely does NOT state that there should be single sex toilets.

there are various classes of toilets available and in most cases it is the choice of the builder and occupants of the building what toilets are provided.

in some situations single sex toilets are required.

Actually there's a point he could have hollered 'ruta, there's a lady wanting to use the loo, I'm going to step outside until she's done then I'll be right back, ok' and gone out. That's probably what he should have done.

So how do you suggest the disabled woman copes if she needs help and there is no accessible toilet available? Or doesn't she matter to you?

The disabled lady is a woman.

So what do you suggest in this situation? The disabled woman shouldn’t use the toilet because her dh can’t help her? She shouldn’t go out?