Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Ideally this would not need to happen and there would be a unisex option available as there usually is these days. Or make sure there’s no one in the Gents before entering. Fathers should use their judgement and common sense, how did they cope in the past?

So don’t you consider me disabled?

Who determines what is understandable / unavoidable?

Seriously? Male toilets are grim and there are men exposed. They don’t feel comfy with the little girl being in there. and I don’t want her seeing men with Their pants round their ankles.

Common sense?

So how come her male partner can use the ladies?

The man referenced in the OP wasn’t cleaning the toilets. This poster suggests that any women not happy with his presence are being “precious” and should only use the toilet in their own homes.

there is a reason… she needed the toilet and needed help.

He can’t

Ah now I think you’ll find a broad range of opinion on what is “common sense” hence the increasing need for such matters to be determined by the courts.

What else are you supposed to do if you're walking along a street in London with a train to catch to get home when you get a sudden unexpected flood?

I left the sink clean.

Yes it’s ok.

next?

This reminds me of a situation I found myself in a few years ago. I was on my own with four children, one baby in a sling. twins age three and an 18 month old. I was taking them away for a week.

stopped at a service station. Went to loo. Disabled toilet closed. Baby changing closed.

so I am in the main ladies toilets, and queued. As I got to the front a very distressed lady was crying saying she was lost and needed the toilet. Everyone ignored her.

sadly, I sorted the children first, and by this point she was wailing and crying.

I popped out to the corridor and there was a very worried elderly man. The disabled and maternity toilets closed. He had to send her in to ask for help.

I went back in, explained it to those there, everyone happy to help with my babies, children, but not an adult. I helped her to toilet, poor women sobbing. Cleaned her up. Out we went.

lots of people looking in sympathy. Lots of people absolutely wonderful with my children.

nobody able, willing, comfortable to help lady.

I think the only reason I was able to was because he was so distraught and said to do so. He couldn’t possibly go in to a female toilet.

so yes, absolutely ok for him to go in, and myself and all the lovely ladies who helped me said the same.

What is ridiculous is the bending over backwards that some women do to allow males into female spaces. Literally no one gives a crap if she uses the gents but a significant percentage of women do not want men in women's toilets. And they deserve to be respected. The fact that society does not always adequately cater for disabled people is not women's problem to solve.

You don’t get to give permission on other women’s behalf.

I don’t know you? I’m talking in general- this thread has helped me understand the difficulties faced by disabled people. I’m not disabled but I sometimes have irritable bowel symptoms and that’s bad enough….

As a child I went into the men’s toilets with my dad, my daughters go into the men’s with my husband, I’d be really angry if my husband went into the women’s toilet with my daughters.

Exactly.

I've only got a third of the way through this thread, and I'm absolutely appalled that so many posters are obsessed with 'centering all women', except, of course, this one elderly disabled woman. Apparently she should have used the men's toilets (a man standing by the sink is apparently a huge risk to women, but men standing with their penises out are no risk to this woman)

She should have used the accessible toilet. Well I'm sure if it had been available, she would. Those saying that she'd only need to wait for a minute, clearly haven't had to use a such a toilet. My late husband had to, and his disability meant that he could be in there for a good five minutes. They might have initially waited but she got to the point when she couldn't wait any more.

Please note that I have referred to her making the decision. Every post that I've read so far has blamed the man for deciding what to do. What great feminists you all are, deciding that this woman needs a man to make decisions for her, and didn't make the choice of toilet for herself.

You shouldn’t be doing that either. Males over 8 should not be in women’s spaces.

If you're ever disabled (and any of us could be, tomorrow) you will want people to be supportive, no? In an ideal world, there might be lots of accessible toilets. In reality, there aren't.

That’s female solidarity 👏👏👏

You’re rinsing knickers in a shared sink? That’s disgusting.

Funnily enough this came up today at an event at the local rugby club.
1 disabled loo, two loos for ladies and my husband said the men’s were well equipped (3 loos! And several urinals).
Taking my toddler grandson to the loo I found female players changing so thought about taking him into the disabled. He asked to go into the men’s and I had to explain granny’s couldn’t go in there.
”why?”

Yes, why not?

On the next trip there was an elderly man with a ladies hand bag outside the ladies holding the door open calling to his partner if she needed help.
Difficult but at least this man was trying to be discrete. A member of staff actually got involved here.

Not in an emergency… come on!!!